American Idol Pity Vote Top 5

Paula looks like she's wearing a satellite that partially burned up on re-entry. Perhaps it was on a return trip to Earth from her home planet.

Ok, I love Neil Diamond. Who doesn't?! But, um, he is the only person who can pull off his cheesy songbook. Wow, Neil Diamond looks great. Kenny Rogers wishes he had Neil Diamond's plastic surgeon!

Jason Castro - Forever In Blue Jeans - I stand corrected. Cheesus Castro pulled off a decent Neil song since her doesn't care about looking like a big cheeseball. And his utterly forgettable voice kinda fit that song. OMG, I didn't hate a Cheesus Castro performance on IDOL. Stand by for the plague of locusts and raining frogs.

September Morn - Keeping in the cheesy vein, Cheesus Castro whispered and whined his way through a... love? song. It's like he was singing it to the morn and not to his lover whoever he or she may be. This is the Jesus Castro I hate and don't get. My #1 vote to go home this week.

David Cook - I'm Alive - He can rock anything. He even laid on a little cheese in honor of Neil. But, damn, he is just so sexy in a weird way. I guess I'm attracted to DC in the same way I'm attracted to his alien twin, Morbo the newscaster on FUTURAMA. It's and ugly cute like a pug or Kate Hudson.

All I Really Need Is You - Hmmmm, not loving this song/performance.

Brooke White - I'm A Believer - Aaaaaaaugh! She is annoying to the very core of her soul and the marrow in her bones is boring and grating and insecure. Also, she can not sing. If I wanted to see a deer in the headlights, I'd go for a drive. I'm NOT a believer. I CAN'T believe this nutty fruitbat is still on the show!

I Am I Said - Aaaaaaaaugh! Have I mentioned lately how much Brooke drives me crazy? She is a nightmare and a trainwreck. Watching her "perform" is like watching a really tall stack of fragile dishes being carried on the back of a donkey. She needs to go back to being the drummer in Josie and the Pussycats.


Monchuleta - Sweet Caromumble - Was it me or did he not really know any of the words to that song? And the few words he could remember didn't seem to be in tune or in some cases in order.

America - After watching this cheesy plate of nachos, I won't be able to poop for a week! I hope Monchuleta's tour is sponsored by Metamucil. He won the song choice lottery by getting the week's patriotic vote hogging song. I really did not feel the Monchuleta love this week.

Syesha - Daaaamn!! She is BRINGIN' IT here in the top 5! She looks sweet and beautiful, but she is -- as Randy would say -- "in it to win it, dawg!"

Thank The Lord For The Nighttime - Hells to the YES! Girlfriend brought the funk and fierce to her closing number. I was throughly entertained by BOTH of Syesha's performances. She kicked the MOST ass tonight.

My Top 5 (based on tonight's performances in order):
1. Syesha
2. David Cook
3. Monchuleta
4. Oh hell! Both Brooke and Jason have got to go!
5. See above.