American Idol FINAL TWO

Let's get ready to rumble? David Cook, 180 pounds?! Is he 5'5"? Oh Jesus, the cheese factor was OFF the charts on that opening. Big David and Little David? How are they measuring that? Don't get me wrong. I love me some paunchy Cook! This boxing metaphor is so stupid and gay. Neither Idol finalist strikes me as a boxer (or a particularly robust athlete on any level).

Ok, 14 minutes in and still no singing. Where's the singing?

Cook #1 - I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For - Good, but not great. He was kinda walking through it. He sounded ok, but didn't seem that into it. That song should move me, but I was unmoved. It wasn't even a very "rockin" arrangement. I still think that the judges love Cook so much because no one wants to work with Monchuleta's father if he wins.

Monchuleta #1 - Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me - Holy crap! That little monkeyperson can really sing! Based on the first song, I have to give it to Monchuleta so far. Unless he has a backstage emotional freak out, he'll totally win!

Cook #2 - Some Random Song - What's with Cook's arrangements tonight? He sounds like late 80's Pat Benatar. He did sound fantastic, but the song was so blah. I still totally wanna make out with him, though.

Monchuleta #2 - In This Moment - All I heard was, "Cheeeeeeese. Cheeeeesy!" He'll totally win.

Cook #3 - The World I Know - I'm just not feeling him tonight. I agree with Simon. I wonder if he's "throwing" it so he won't have to be the winner and can have a semi-normal career as the runner-up.

Monchuleta #3 - Imagine - Well, I think this just sealed the deal! He's totally gonna win. Even if Cook had really brought it, Monchuleta still mighta won. That's my prediction: Monchuleta by a landslide!

Reuben Studdard sounded great, but TiVo cut him off pretty early, so I guess I'll never know if I should buy his CD or not.

American Idol: Dolly Parton Brings The Smokey Mountain Love

Dolly is a national treasure. I would have liked a little more time with Dolly and a little less with Simon, Randy, and Paula. How can Paula go from looking like a reject from MAD MAX last week to looking like a soft, beautiful flower this week.

Brooke White - I love Dolly Parton. I've listened to her music for my whole life. So, I was hoping that the American idols would put a new spin on Dolly's classics. Brooke started out with a 3/4 assed performance that sounded a lot like Dolly's version only not as good or honest. Brooke is just putting me to sleep.

David Cook - With his 13 year-old's go-tee, he kinda looks like David Faustino from MARRIED WITH CHILDREN. It wasn't my favorite performance from D. Cook, but he's still the guy to beat!

Ramielle Malubay - I'd pay to see a Dolly and Ramielle duet. Together, they're almost 5 feet of power. Whoever is dressing Ramielle should be shot in the face. Despite her potato sack-like shortsveralls outfits, Ramielle sounded great, and even "sold" sounding country! My Malubay is back!!

Jason Castro - Zzzzzzz. John Mayer called and he wants his "vibe" back. P.S. - Dreads make Jesus cry.

Kelly Clarkson -- ahem! I mean Carly Smithson, is really giving David Cook a run for his money. She's not as creative as he is, but she sounds incredible. She just takes a song and sings the CRAP out of it! Kelly Clarkson was a waitress with a heart of gold who just opened her mouth and sang to the back of the balcony, and Carly Smithson is walking that some path. And, excuse my gay ass, but who is Simon Cowell to give fashion advice?!

Monchuleta - Hmmmm. Ok, he can sing the CRAP out of any song, but he keeps picking the goofiest songs to sing. I didn't care for this selection at all. He sounded SO "disney," and not in the good way.

KLC - Speaking of rags, who made that dress? Another example of an idol trying to mimic the original song and just not sounding as good or as honest. KLC will be doing this song on her State Fair Tour in 2009. Girlfriend, put some shoes on!

Syesha Houston - Kinda a weird version of the song. The timing kinda threw me, but sister knocked it out of the stadium at the end! She looks great. She sounds great. I hope she sticks around a little bit longer.

Michael Johns - He looked a little Charles Nelson Reilly, but sounded SO damn sexy! He sounded sorta like Jim Morrison and Joe Cocker in a bag with a cat (in a good way).

My Top 3:
1. Carly
2. Michael Johns
3. Ramiele

My Bottom 3:
1. KLC
2. Monchuleta
3. Jesus Castro

Who should go? KLC
Who will go? Syesha

Who did you vote for?