Change Comes To America... n Idol

No American institution is immune to the wave of change sweeping across America under our new President Ryan Seacrest. Tonight's "Final Round" of Hollywood Week on AMERICAN IDOL was oozing change. No more weird A CHORUS LINE-like spare rehearsal studio. Now the judges lounge like kings and queens in overstuffed chairs in "The Judges' Mansion" making teens and those who the teens have passed by battle each other for a spot on this season show. The Judges Mansion?! What the hell? Do they all live there during the show? Will there be a spin-off show? Do they have "swinging" parties at this "judges' mansion"? Also, Fox should get its money back from whoever upholstered those judges thrones. Tacky and sloppy workmanship. Anyway, also new to the show this year is the "sing off" where the judges pitted contestants against each other and put them on the spot to sing a song to stay on the show. The "sing off" portion of the two hour show was the most stomach churning. Then when the judges FINALLY deliver the news, they pull that tension-building crap by stalling the delivery of the good new with a fake out, "We don't have good news for you..." The contestant is in tears and about to pass out. Then the judges all look sad and then say "...we have GREAT news for you! You're in!" Then the contestant has a spaz attack! The judging panel had a very ANTM feeling (and that is NOT a step UP for AMERICAN IDOL). They have the tough task of "narrowing" the field down to 36. 36!? That's bigger than a football team isn't it? How long is this show gonna be on?! Until next February?! Bat-shit crazy, Tatiana, is this season's Sanjaya Jaya Binks. She's a kook! Rosie O'Donnell's prodigy Von Smith made it through. Sexy, god-loving widower Danny Gokey is gonna be a "story" this season. Anoop Desai is like a gag from a HAROLD AND KUMAR movie, but he can definitely rock out. I'm also keeping my eye on social outcast and Heatherette model (in his own mind), Nathaniel Marshall. Since we've only seen about 10 of the final 36 actually sing, the next few weeks may actually get this Spruce Goose of a season off the ground (or water or whatever). Who do you like? Who do you love? Who do you hate? Can you believe that sexy-god-loving-widower's BFF weird-facial-piercings-guy didn't make it?!

American Idol. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

For my post about this week's AMERICAN IDOL, see last week's post. Or, better yet, here it is again (abridged even):
"I'm sad that AMERICAN IDOL was only one hour tonight. I wanted more crazies! Hollywood week is going to be high drama. The "auditions" shows are filled with a LOT more auditioner's stories and a LOT fewer auditions. Every audition was puzzling and seemed to go on forEVER! I'm not enjoying the auditions this season. I'm looking forward to Hollywood week. I hope there will be some singing."

Paula Abdul v. glitter and rayon

Paula! What the hell?! It looked like she had -- at one time -- tried to fight her way out of her top (maybe using her fingerless leather biker tea gloves and tiara-like bracelets). Perhaps the pussy fringe held her in? I don't know. I really... just... don't know.

Ramielle Malubay - I still just love saying -- over and over -- "Ramielle Malubay" Rrrramielle Malubayyyy. Hmmm. Ramielle sounded OK, but those shorts were not doing her any favors.

Jason Castro - There's nothing there. He's like air (with hair).

Syesha Mercado - Born the year I graduated high school. I want to throw up! Was anyone else thinking Tamyra Gray during Syesha's performance? Daaaaaamn! The first great performance of the night!

Chikeze - If I had been there I would have thrown my underpants on stage. Chikeze is one smooooth mother- shutcho mouth! I really liked his old-school vibe on this song.

Brooke White - It was great to get to meet her family. It explains a lot about her. Brooke usually puts me to sleep, but tonight her mumblethon almost put me in a coma. Tori Amos at the piano she's not.

My coke rewards.

Michael Johns - Foxy. Foxxxy. And finally the first upbeat interesting song of the night! Rock on foxy Aussie.

Carly Smithson - Not my favorite performance of hers. Risky song choice.

David Archuletta - The Justin Guarini Super Cheesy Award of the night goes to Monchuletta for his squeaky shouty theme from Working Girl rendition of whatever the hell that song was.

Kristy Lee Cook - Seattle (area) native, KLC, played the right-wing nutjob patriotism card tonight in one last desperate gasp at staying on the show. And the judges FELL for it! Remember, if you don't vote for KLC, you are a terrorist. I'm sick to my left-wing nutjob stomach. [Prepare for BITCHCON 5 tomorrow on THE VIEW]

David Cook - Morbo will sing well and then crush you puny humans! Billy mutherflipping Jean?! This guy is on FIRE! Do the other idols not see him in rehearsal and think, "Why bother?" It was insane AND amazing, if I may correct Simon. After alllll this blah blah blogging about IDOL tonight, THIS is the performance that made most of the other performances pointless and retarded.

My top three:
1. David Cook
2. David Cook
3. David Cook

Other good performances:
4. Chikeze
5. Syesha
6. Michael Johns

Say good bye to:
1. Monchuletta
2. KLC
3. Brooke of the Damned

Who do you think will go home?