Paula Abdul v. glitter and rayon

Paula! What the hell?! It looked like she had -- at one time -- tried to fight her way out of her top (maybe using her fingerless leather biker tea gloves and tiara-like bracelets). Perhaps the pussy fringe held her in? I don't know. I really... just... don't know.

Ramielle Malubay - I still just love saying -- over and over -- "Ramielle Malubay" Rrrramielle Malubayyyy. Hmmm. Ramielle sounded OK, but those shorts were not doing her any favors.

Jason Castro - There's nothing there. He's like air (with hair).

Syesha Mercado - Born the year I graduated high school. I want to throw up! Was anyone else thinking Tamyra Gray during Syesha's performance? Daaaaaamn! The first great performance of the night!

Chikeze - If I had been there I would have thrown my underpants on stage. Chikeze is one smooooth mother- shutcho mouth! I really liked his old-school vibe on this song.

Brooke White - It was great to get to meet her family. It explains a lot about her. Brooke usually puts me to sleep, but tonight her mumblethon almost put me in a coma. Tori Amos at the piano she's not.

My coke rewards.

Michael Johns - Foxy. Foxxxy. And finally the first upbeat interesting song of the night! Rock on foxy Aussie.

Carly Smithson - Not my favorite performance of hers. Risky song choice.

David Archuletta - The Justin Guarini Super Cheesy Award of the night goes to Monchuletta for his squeaky shouty theme from Working Girl rendition of whatever the hell that song was.

Kristy Lee Cook - Seattle (area) native, KLC, played the right-wing nutjob patriotism card tonight in one last desperate gasp at staying on the show. And the judges FELL for it! Remember, if you don't vote for KLC, you are a terrorist. I'm sick to my left-wing nutjob stomach. [Prepare for BITCHCON 5 tomorrow on THE VIEW]

David Cook - Morbo will sing well and then crush you puny humans! Billy mutherflipping Jean?! This guy is on FIRE! Do the other idols not see him in rehearsal and think, "Why bother?" It was insane AND amazing, if I may correct Simon. After alllll this blah blah blogging about IDOL tonight, THIS is the performance that made most of the other performances pointless and retarded.

My top three:
1. David Cook
2. David Cook
3. David Cook

Other good performances:
4. Chikeze
5. Syesha
6. Michael Johns

Say good bye to:
1. Monchuletta
2. KLC
3. Brooke of the Damned

Who do you think will go home?