OMG, ANTM!

On tonight's finale of AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MONSTER, Tyra "The Good Witch" Banks eliminated the last of the high-fashion models half way through the show. I was SURE Marjorie would surely win the whole show, but I was wrong about that. Who knows what Tyra's thinking. It's probably all up to that Seventeen Magazine lady and some gay dude from Cover Girl. Don't get me wrong, I love me some Whitney, but I haven't seen her in any Versace runway shows. Why don't they just call the show AMERICA'S NEXT COVER GIRL? Sam is 120% commercial/catalog model and McKey REALLY has to PUSH it to achieve haute couture. Even for ANTM the final runway was insane! Talk about a law suit waiting to happen. It's a wonder no one broke an ankle and had to be put down. The dresses were to DIE for. WAY better than anything PROJECT RUNWAY has ever sent down the runway. THEN! Tyra "The Bad Witch" Banks eliminated someone's eye with her shoulder. Also, the mother from ALIEN called and wants her hairdo back, Tyra. And, in the end, they picked the less commercial of the two finalists but all three of the finalists were too commercial for me. PROJECT RUNWAY has gone cold. ANTM has gone commercial. What's a fag to do?! Did your favorite win? Or was she eliminated weeks ago?

You're Beautiful, Now Change

"You're Beautiful, Now Change" was the title of tonight's episode of AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MONSTER. Um, hello, that's the underlying theme of the whole show! Tyra can NOT stress enough at panel, "I want to see more of YOU. So, I can make you more like ME." Ahhhh, the makeover episode. For the uninitiated, this week Tyra will tell each girl another thing that is very wrong with her in an, um... constructive? way. Then she'll make half the girls endure 12 hour hair weaves and 20 level dye jobs. Then for the rest of the season the hair and make-up people make the girls almost unrecognizable. Most of the girls will actually look "better." Ok, press play on the Tivo!

And, because Tyra was tired of being the craziest bitch on TV, Miss Jay did an utterly unhinged wicked witch impression. She gave Tyra a poison apple. A kiss from "Mr." Jay awoke Tyra (who's either really a man or in love with the gays). Tyra then left before the makeover mayhem.

Oh JESUS, "fairy" god monster Tyra appeared in a bubble pointing out the girls' flaws. Best makeover: Hannah (unfortunately) her haircut even made her look slightly less racist. Go figure! Worst makeover: Elina (and she cried) Samantha cried too. Sheena didn't look any different in her photo shoot, but later I was living in fear of her "highlights." Elina's hair looked like she had a used red mop on her head when she was sitting around the house later that night. All in all, it wasn't the drama-filled festival of tears it has been in the past. Still fun. The improv Cover Girl commercial was way more telling. Some of those girls were wooden and stiff and some were loose and silly. I won't spoil who won, but I am not pleased. (Though, in fairness, she deserved to win.) Later the wannabe models did a swimsuit shoot with Russell James, renowned swimsuit photographer. Mr. James didn't care for Isis. Me thinks the Aussie straighty smelled a tranny. Then came panel: Marjory is so forgettable to me, but I swear she'll be in the final 3. Sheena looked great in her pic. Analeigh looked OK. Clark looks like more of a man to me than Isis. Hannah looked OK. Lauren looked smokin' sexy. Brittany is not pushing it. McKey's hair is too dark, but she's still managing to pull it off. Isis did look a bit uncomfortable. But, I think that was drama created by editing. She taped it down at the auditions in a smaller bikini bottom. I know some drag queens with huge equipment that strap it down and wear bathing suits and then do dance numbers. thatWhat's the big deal now? Sam looked hot. Elina looks good, but not great. Joslyn is a one-woman-riot and I love her. Did I miss anyone? I agreed with the bottom 2. Either one was expendable. I love Tyra's hair this cycle! Who is your favorite girl so far this season?