The Bush MESS

First George Bush and Dick Cheney masterminded 9/11 to scare the country into doing exactly what they wanted to do for years to come. The press caved to the Bush/Cheney post-9/11 patriotism. Citizens cowered in their duct-taped homes fearing nuclear fallout. Bush and Cheney stripped the Constitution of its teeth with the unconscionable Patriot Act. Despite huge protests in the streets by hundreds of thousands of citizens, Bush lied us into the Iraq war to scare the country into narrowly re-electing him in 2004 (with the help of the Diebold Corporation). Bush took a very narrow margin (and a loss of Congress) as a sign from God to forge ahead blindly and recklessly with his evil plan to line the pockets of his supporters at the expense of the American people. In 2000 George Bush and Dick Cheney inherited the Very United States of America: a force to be reckoned with around the globe in so many areas like science and finance and manufacturing and humanity and the arts. If we make it to January 2009, they will leave their successor the Disjointed and Disheveled States of America, a country in utter shambles. We're the laughing stock of the world --who now owns us-- and we're going down in flames. For months, I've been waiting for the Republican Regime's next "trick" to keep the country in their greedy hands. Looks like this is it. George Bush and Dick Cheney are SELLING THE COUNTRY right out from under you.

Tina Fey KILLS Sarah Palin

Poor John McCain and his failing judgment. I understand his desperation in picking a female running mate, and having slim pickings among the Republican Robot factory. Choosing a Vice Presidential running mate with no experience was a bad enough decision, but picking a Vice Presidential running mate with no experience who looks like Tina Fey, the funniest woman currently living on the planet, was a REALLY bad decision.

Fey KILLED it! Granted, it's almost like shooting fish in a barrel these days. But, only Fey could deliver Palin's actual words and make them funnier. God bless and keep Tina Fey safe from witchcraft until the election when she can do one final swan song as losing Vice Presidential candidate and historical joke/footnote Sarah Palin.

Paul Newman: 1925-2008

Palin Still Hiding From The Media (With Good Reason)

I love Jack Cafferty. He was a news anchor when I lived in NYC. He's always been a cranky old bastard in the BEST sense of that word. I love his daily segments on Wolf Blitzer's crazy-assed show on CNN. From Towleroad (which you should be reading EVERY day!) Cafferty: "I'm 65 and have been covering politics for a long time. That is one of the most pathetic pieces of tape I have ever seen for someone aspiring to one of the highest offices in this country."

The Sarah Palin Story As A "Bad" Disney Movie

Happy Freaky Friday. If Thursday was any indication, ANYTHING is possible today. All I know is that if John McCain weasels his way out of the debate Friday night, he is a spineless old fool whose campaign deserves to go down in flames along with his reputation. If the American people (via the Electoral College or Diebold Voting Machine Fraud) elect John McCain President with that vapid Barbie Palin as his VP, I'm moving to Denmark and becoming a heroin addict on November 5th. Matt Damon recently said, "It's like a really bad Disney movie, The Hockey Mom. 'Oh, I'm just a hockey mom from Alaska', and she's president!?!" Damon continues, "She's facing down Vladimir Putin and using the folksy stuff she learned at the hockey rink. It's absurd." Though, I personally don't think there's such a thing as a bad Disney movie (I know! I know!) here's one we're all about to live through. It would be funnier if it was so damn true and scary.

Sarah Palin: Talking In Circles

Well, her all-night study sessions about global politics and speaking to the press are really paying off! Seriously, if this worthless ploy ever becomes President, I am SO moving to ANY other country than America.

McCain Lies Again

David Letterman was understandably upset when John McCain pussied out of his appearance on the LATE SHOW, and --according to Letterman-- LIED about having to go immediately back to D.C. to "deal with the financial crisis"/duck out of the debates. McCain spent last night in DC and only returned to D.C. this morning after going on CBS Evening news (while the Letterman show was taping) and speaking at another engagement this morning. Dave spent at least 40 minutes of his show raking McCain and Palin over the coals with the help of his last-minute replacement guest, Keith "I'm Sexist but Still Hate Republicans" Olberman. It was delightfully entertaining as well as very informative. David Letterman did briefly explain why he was a fan of the "straight talking" McCain and why he has the utmost respect for the Senator and national hero, but that now, "...something smells in that campaign." I can smell it from here.

The Gayest Night of TV on TV

I enjoyed the trifecta of gay TV tonight: ANTM, PROJECT RUNWAY, and TOP DESIGN. None of the shows is particularly outstanding on its own. Though, ANTM is really AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MONSTER. Tyra is insane. What the HELL was she wearing at panel?! Even compared to Miss Jay, Tyra is out o' her mind. At only 23 minutes into the show, they sent one of the modelettes home early because her runway walk was so hideous. Granted, the girls were blindfolded. But still, her walk was atrocious. In other news, the fashions on ANTM were 700 billion times better than 94% of the fashions on this season's PROJECT RUNWAY. The Jeremy Scott outfits (pictured left) were wicked FIERCE! Then, the winners of the runway challenge did a mini-photoshoot for some 15! year-old designer chick from Russia. It was an action-packed, if unremarkable episode. I agreed with the first girl sent home, but I definitely did not agree with the second girl sent home. Bravo Bravo for back to back Gay-O-Vision. On PROJECT RUNWAY, Suede was so afraid Suede was going home that he actually slipped and talked about himself in the 1st person. PR started out by showing how expendable models are by kicking 3 of them off the show by letting the designers pick and steal each others' models. Then they didn't even use the models they picked! Then the producers (or whoever the hell is "running" this show) threw the entire chessboard into the air and just randomly tossed stuff together into another pointless unfocused mess of a challenge/episode which had very little to do with modern fashion. Kenley has torn a page out of Tyra's Irrational Crazy Bitch Handbook by acting like she actually knows what "hip hop" is and arguing with Tim Gunn about it. AND, on top of that she actually said that she knows more about hip hop fashion than Tim Gunn. This was a messy episode on so many levels. The runway show was HILARIOUS! Korto, who I love, looked like a pissed off extra from SORDID LIVES. Kenley looked hot on the runway and very pop. Leanne looked like Mary Kate after a ROUGH night. I could "kinda" see the Mary J Blige vibe that Kenley was going for, but the outfit was a wreck. (Leanne didn't help her, but I don't blame her.) Suede rocked the first outfit of Korto's I didn't love. Unfortunately he was styled to look exactly like Alison Moyet circa 1982. Jarell looked hot too, but not over-the-top enough. He was about as rock-n-roll as Leanne was hip hop. The cruelest part was having to get eliminated while wearing a costume on national TV. PR this season has turned into the Kenley Kenley Kenly! hour, and she's not gay, she's gay. TOP DESIGN is a complete clone of PR. The budget, however is over-the-top. The PR designers get $250 to make a $1500 gown and the TD designers get $10,000 to redo a bachelor pad. $999 massage recliner and $9000 flat screen TV. $1 can opener. Done. In addition to the $10K, they get a team of painters, wallpaper hangers, and a seamstress. Daaaamn! These pads better look swank! There were three teams. Once again, there were two "easy" clients, and one impossible client. I wonder who will be going home. One team's self-described theme was: Asian Kanye West; another's was Panty-dropping Chic; and, the final team's theme was Boring and Stupid. To make matters worse, they were the team who bickered throughout the entire episode. Luckily, my favorite hottie designer, Nathan, gained immunity from elimination and despite his team's self-imolation he was spared. Yay. Whew, that was a tiring three hours of high-octane gayness.

Headlines from 1989: McCain Helped Ignite Nation's Worst Financial Crisis (Before This One)

It's definitely time to remind everyone who forgot about The Keating Five. The Keating Five were five United States Senators accused of corruption in 1989, igniting a major political scandal as part of the larger Savings and Loan crisis of the late 1980s and early 1990s. The five senators, Alan Cranston (D-CA), Dennis DeConcini (D-AZ), John Glenn (D-OH), Donald W. Riegle (D-MI), and John McCain (R-AZ), were accused of improperly aiding Charles H. Keating, Jr., chairman of the failed Lincoln Savings and Loan Association, which was the target of an investigation by the Federal Home Loan Bank Board (FHLBB). It was political "buddies" helping a corporate swindler swindle Americans out of their entire life savings. Like Lehman Brothers has done recently, Lincoln Savings and Loan (Keating's bank) ignited the avalanche of S&L failures in the late 80's and early 90's. The ultimate cost of the Savings and Loan Crisis was estimated to have totaled around $160 billion, about $125 billion of which was directly paid for by the U.S. taxpayer. Sound familiar?

H@LY F#CK!NG SH+T

Watch for pig poop falling out of the sky as they fly out of my butt. I never thought I would see the day! Kathy Griffin must be standing on the roof of her house screaming, "I F#CK!NG TOLD YOU SO! I TOLD YOU ALLLL!!" Good for her. Click on the linky and learn more at one of my favorite blogs, Towleroad.Also, please check out the always outrageous Perez Hilton for breaking news on this shocking story.

One View

I could FEEEEEEL Elizabitch Hassellcoulter seeeeething today on THE VIEW when the other ladies were --rightfully-- taking Sarah "No Experience" Palin to task for not EVER having met a foreign leader (or vice-leader). She had no comeback other than her usual broken-record Republican Robot Routine, which was squashed by the presence of Barbara Walters who was shooting daggers (and throwing facts) at her all morning. This is pure speculation, but I think that Babs has had enough! and is keeping Elizabitch on a shorter leash this season. Nevertheless, I have no shortage of friends who email me on a regular basis to tell me that Elizabeth made them want to reach into the TV and throttle her or give her a crisp smack. I don't condone violence, but Elizabitch Hassellcoulter does. I HATE that I love her outfit so much.

You Didn't Ask But...

Here's what I thought of the most politically charged Emmys telecast in my lifetime on Sunday. The pokes and jabs at George Bush and the last 8 years just kept on coming allll night long. The evening started a little bumpy. People in the 4th balcony were given vertigo by Oprah's jiggling bosom. It actually registered on the Richter scale. The "hosts" of the show said it best, "don't follow Oprah." The "reality" of the opening bit was really weak for me. It sort of pointed out how limited some of the hosts talents are. It also pointed out that reality shows really need editing to work. I thought Heidi looked better in the suit than the onesie. Who is directing this show? A monkey? Howie Mandel? No one?! The shots are allll over the place. It's a mess! Also, Jeremy Piven REALLY should have written something before he got up there, but he pulled it out of his butt in the end. Even though he came off as more Ari Gold than Jeremy Piven. I love Jean Smart and SAMANTHA WHO. My favorite DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES actresses' dress was (barely) Marcia "Crazy As a Sh!T House Rat" Cross. And her makeup was flawless! I did NOT care for any of the other dresses. Ricky Gervais' comic timing is brilliant. He had that giant crowd in the palm of his hand. Tommy Smothers has STILL got it though it seemed like he'd lost it once or twice during his speech. Josh Groban's medley made him seem insane and pretty gay. I can say that because I am gay. I could barely keep up with what he was singing. Parts of it were funny, but mostly I was cringing. Poor Josh Groban. He just doesn't have an identity to me. And, this performance really showed why. He's everyone at once. Then Laura Linney won ANOTHER award, and it looks like I'll have to watch JOHN ADAMS on DVD now. Though, I still highly recommend BERNARD & DORIS, I have to give Linney props for taking a dig at Rudy Guiliani in her acceptance speech. There are no words to describe my joy at the (idea of the) LAUGH-IN bit! Lily Tomlin is a goddess. Joanne Worley has still got it. Who knew Ruth Buzzi was still alive?! Sadly, the bit stunk up the joint. It was a technical/timing nightmare and oddly anachronistic. Lauren Conrad at The Emmys?! Holy SH#T! I can not believe the Earth didn't open and swallow the entire theatre. No! No! No! I'm so happy Kathryn Joosten won Best Supporting Actress for DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES. She's a hoot! Then Barry Sonnenfeld won for PUSHING DAISIES, which I'll now have to watch on DVD. He should definitely stay behind the camera. Then... Yay!! More Emmys for Tina Fey! Then Jed Bartlett, my favorite President ever, showed up to give some historical perspective to the show. In an evening where George Bush was taking jabs from everyone at the mic, of course RECOUNT won the Emmy for Best Made for TV Movie. It really was "stick it to George Bush" night, and --as I've said before-- it's about 6 1/2 years too late, folks. Anyway, despite the fact the George Bush has driven this country into a ditch we'll never get out of, the awards show went on... to bash John McCain. Interesting to note, John Adams was one of the people who fought to get us all freedom of speech, and the winning writer of JOHN ADAMS was cut right off by the director of the show mid-sentence of a sentence about speaking in complete sentences. Kathy Griffin looked FANTASTIC and made people give Rickles a standing O. Then she really rolled with the punches as Rickles ran the show. She really had to hang on for dear life as as Rickles careened around the edges of good taste. Especially this past season, I do not think THE AMAZzzzzzING RACE deserved an Emmy over PROJECT RUNWAY, or AMERICAN IDOL for that matter. Hey, Sally Field, lose the sleevelettes! Even TiVo-ing through the commercials, this show seemed sooooo long! Couldn't they tell when they showed half a SEINFELD episode that the show might run a little long?! I love me some Alec Baldwin! I'm glad that he won for 30 ROCK too. I hope 30 ROCK goes on forever. Glenn Close and Sharon Gless are morphing into the same woman more everyday. That keeps me up at night. Then they did the "In Memorium" montage, which always gets me right here. I tear up. I do. Here is a list of people I didn't know were dead or already thought had been dead for quite some time: Cyd Charisse, Suzanne Pleshette, and Stan Winston. Yay for Bryan Cranston who should have won (at least once) for MALCOLM. Now, I'll have to watch BREAKING BAD on DVD. Yay!! More Emmys for Tina Fey! Tina Fey! Tina Fey! The set up for giving out the Best Competition Reality Show Host Emmy was a rare glimmer of genius in an otherwise lame evening. Wow! Probst won the Emmy! He is sort of the "father" of reality TV, and gave an appropriately respectful speech. Mary Tyler Moore looks great from the neck up. And, then of course, Yay!! More Emmys for Tina Fey! Tina Fey! Tina Fey! What a weird Emmys. TV is really changing when a show from AMC wins Best Drama. Now, I'll have to watch MAD MEN on DVD. All that rushing and bit-cutting and the show came in on time. Maybe that was just on the West Coast. Did the show run way over live on the East Coast? What did you think of Oprah's boobs, Tina Fey, Ricky Gervais, Josh Groan-ban?

Dr. McSwimmy

One of the funniest bits from JIMMY KIMMEL'S BIG NIGHT OF STARS preceeding the Emmys last night was his sneak preview of Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps' new upcoming role on GREY'S ANATOMY. Please to enjoy!

Dr. McPackage is more like it!

Probst and his Daddy

Um, what the heck is going on in Jeff Probst's dressing room before the Emmys?! Actually, I don't care, I just want to see more of it!

The Right Is Nothing If Not Organized

PBS is doing a poll which asks if Sarah Palin is qualified to be VP (a heartbeat away from the Presidency of The United States Of America). The right wing nut jobs have organized a yes campaign which is --at the moment-- winning. Please take 1 minute and go to:

http://www.pbs.org/now/polls/poll-435.html and vote!

Please, send this on.

Are You There God, It's Me Elizabitch Hassellcoulter

PLEASE LET THIS BE TRUE!!! Deliciously pink blog Pop Crunch (Mmmm, crunchy!) reports, "The good news is Elisabeth Hasselbeck may be leaving The View. Unfortunately, the conservative pyscho isn’t leaving the country." They go on to say that Elizabitch is unhappy at THE VIEW (gee, how could you tell?!) and that FOX has been throwing offers at her. GO! GO, ELIZABETH, GO! Go where no on cares that you are a brainless mouthpiece for Karl Rove and Dick Cheney. Elizabitch Hassellcoulter's replacement could be Margaret Cho, Chelsea Handler, Kathy Griffin, John McCain's daughter (who is a Republican, but not a republican tool), or even Ashley F#cking Tisdale as long as Elizabitch hits the pavement and SOON! It's easy to see from the photo why FOX is so interested in her. Bill O'Reilly can NOT wait for the office Holiday --ahem!, I mean office Christmas party.

Suck It Harder, Jesus!

Congratulations to Kathy Griffin on her second Emmy win for MY LIFE ON THE D-LIST, which is the BEST celebreality show on TV. And, we all win because she sat down with Ross Matthews (love him!) for a chat. Here's Part One of the three part interview. Please visit my buddies at Towleroad for parts two and three. I love how KG isn't afraid to show up on Ross' blog without any makeup on. She's just a regular gal... with two Emmy awards. I bought my tickets for one of her FOUR almost sold out shows in Seattle at a 3000 seat theatre. I think EVERY gay man in Seattle will be there over the 3 nights. $80+ frickin' dollars. That bitch better drop the F-bomb at least 80 times!

An Avalanche Of Lies: Who Will Dig The Country Out?

It would appear that after 7 years of cowering in George Bush's shadow of terror, fear, and control the press are in fact finally starting to "grow a pair" as Amy Pohler as Hillary Clinton admonished them to. Here's a clip of Chris Matthews actually playing hardball with a guest on HARDBALL. Charlie Gibson, you should perk up and take notes on this.

And CNN "fact checked" the McCain/Palin ads and claims so far and found many, many, many examples of half-truths, mis-statements, and outright lies. Where was THIS kind of reporting before we got royally screwed by the baseless, pointless, and costly Iraq war?

Sheri Shepard Palin

Sheri Shepard said she thought she looked like Audrey Hepburn, but I don't even have to beg to differ. Are you KIDDING me?!?! Is there no one at THE VIEW who looked at Sheri Shepard before she went out today and said, "Um, girl, you need to um... you should... girl, you look like black Sarah Palin!" Because that's the first thing Whoopi said when they sat down. Why would any one especially a black woman WANT to look like that Alaskan gun-toting psychopath? WTF?!

Becky Homecky

This week on Project Runway we were treated by a challenge that once again left me wondering what I was watching. I miss the old Project Runway from seasons gone by. Where are the frantic challenges? Where is the bend-your-mind creativity? It certainly isn't on this show anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I still love Project Runway but it really needs a shot of adrenaline. It is just not as good as it used to be. This week's challenge featured Mothers and Daughters - the daughters just graduated from college and needed new makeovers to help them get into the workforce. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... Oh, sorry, I just feel asleep. Yawn.

My first thought when the mother/daughter pairs came out was that apparently only white people want to have makeovers. Or else only white people go to college. A little diversity really would have been nice. The show takes place in NYC for godsakes. Who were these people? and where did they come from? And I'm pretty sure at least two of those "mothers" were actually pre-op fathers. Just sayin'.

I'll admit I wasn't paying super close attention to the show as I was trying to win some coins on Facebook bingo. Try it, it's FUN. F-U-N. Ah, but I digress... I was also trying to block out Kenley's ridiculously annoying voice and whining. She really really needs to shut up. She's talented and her garment was cute but good lord, girl, SHUT UP already!

The runway was boring. The judging, thanks to Mike Kors, was the most interesting part of the show. Korto's outfit was nice, not my favorite this week but I love that green she used. Leanne's dress was adorable but the jacket was too much. I'm glad the judges made her client take it off. Jerrell! For some reason I'm not a HUGE fan of Jerrell but I really like a lot of his work. And the feather chapeau he wore during the judging was tres fabulous! He does make me giggle. His garment was so perfect for his client. Suede once again was a disappointment. Somewhere along this PR journey he's lost his mojo. I hope he finds it. I really like Suede for some reason - maybe its the hair? It certainly isn't the way he refers to himself in the third person! Kenley is truly delusional. She actually cried when she didn't win. Oy. Joe's, aka whatshisname's, 60 year old flight attendant outfit was sad. A pocket square?! He deserved to go "outsy daisy" for that one.

My previews got cut off for next week so it will be a big surprise. I just hope its a big surprise in a really good way and we are blessed with a better challenge than this week.

What did you think of the show this week? How do you think this season of Project Runway compares to the others before it? Who do you want to win?

You're Beautiful, Now Change

"You're Beautiful, Now Change" was the title of tonight's episode of AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MONSTER. Um, hello, that's the underlying theme of the whole show! Tyra can NOT stress enough at panel, "I want to see more of YOU. So, I can make you more like ME." Ahhhh, the makeover episode. For the uninitiated, this week Tyra will tell each girl another thing that is very wrong with her in an, um... constructive? way. Then she'll make half the girls endure 12 hour hair weaves and 20 level dye jobs. Then for the rest of the season the hair and make-up people make the girls almost unrecognizable. Most of the girls will actually look "better." Ok, press play on the Tivo!

And, because Tyra was tired of being the craziest bitch on TV, Miss Jay did an utterly unhinged wicked witch impression. She gave Tyra a poison apple. A kiss from "Mr." Jay awoke Tyra (who's either really a man or in love with the gays). Tyra then left before the makeover mayhem.

Oh JESUS, "fairy" god monster Tyra appeared in a bubble pointing out the girls' flaws. Best makeover: Hannah (unfortunately) her haircut even made her look slightly less racist. Go figure! Worst makeover: Elina (and she cried) Samantha cried too. Sheena didn't look any different in her photo shoot, but later I was living in fear of her "highlights." Elina's hair looked like she had a used red mop on her head when she was sitting around the house later that night. All in all, it wasn't the drama-filled festival of tears it has been in the past. Still fun. The improv Cover Girl commercial was way more telling. Some of those girls were wooden and stiff and some were loose and silly. I won't spoil who won, but I am not pleased. (Though, in fairness, she deserved to win.) Later the wannabe models did a swimsuit shoot with Russell James, renowned swimsuit photographer. Mr. James didn't care for Isis. Me thinks the Aussie straighty smelled a tranny. Then came panel: Marjory is so forgettable to me, but I swear she'll be in the final 3. Sheena looked great in her pic. Analeigh looked OK. Clark looks like more of a man to me than Isis. Hannah looked OK. Lauren looked smokin' sexy. Brittany is not pushing it. McKey's hair is too dark, but she's still managing to pull it off. Isis did look a bit uncomfortable. But, I think that was drama created by editing. She taped it down at the auditions in a smaller bikini bottom. I know some drag queens with huge equipment that strap it down and wear bathing suits and then do dance numbers. thatWhat's the big deal now? Sam looked hot. Elina looks good, but not great. Joslyn is a one-woman-riot and I love her. Did I miss anyone? I agreed with the bottom 2. Either one was expendable. I love Tyra's hair this cycle! Who is your favorite girl so far this season?

Pull Your Head Out Of Your Ass, John Mc Cain

The New York Times reports today that, "The Dow Jones industrial average plummeted more than 500 points — its worst session since the days after the Sept. 11, 2001 terrorist attacks. ...concerns [on Wall Street] led to a wave of last-minute selling as the Dow, already about 300 points lower, plummeted, closing down 4.4 percent or 504.48 points."

Time to wake up from your nap, John McCain, our economy is not strong, nor could it possibly withstand another 4-8 more years of George Bush and John McCain's Republican-pocket-lining economic "plans." McCain will put the final nail in the coffin of this country.

What a Train Wreck!

What a freakin' train wreck! I finally watched John McCain on THE VIEW. If that's how he handled the questions from such hard-hitting journalists as Whoopi Goldberg and Elizabeth Hasselcoulter, he shouldn't stand much of a chance in a debate. I have to give it to the ladies on THE VIEW. Their Boniva-smoking seems to still be strengthening their collective spine. The interview was rough and they often did not back down when McCain tried to blow Republican smoke up their asses. Though, he did get away AGAIAN without answering the question, "How many houses do you and Cindy own?" He simply will not answer that question. The audience openly boo-ed McCain's stance on Roe v. Wade (that it should be overturned). Even during "Hot Topics" Barbara put the kibosh on Elizabitch's rattling off Sarah Palin's "accomplishments" AGAIN! Cindy McCain strikes me as SO RICH. She just looks so "Beverly Hills" and it makes me nauseated.

Palin and Clinton Address the Nation Together

Not to oversell last night's opening on SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, but only Tina Fey and Amy Pohler could have pulled off such a silly and serious sketch about the STARK differences between Palin and Clinton. And, Pohler captured Hillary's justified outrage at the recent turn of events. Tina Fey gets mad props from me for pushing her Palin aping past the obvious doppleganger similarities. I was secretly hoping and chanting that Fey would appear as Palin, and I my guarded optimism was paid off last night. Enjoy the clip.

Also interesting to note is the insane spike in people Googling the word "flurge." It is the #23 MOST SEARCHED term as of Sunday at noon Pacific time (with a bullet!) Various versions of "tina fey as sarah palin snl" etc are ranked 3rd through 6th.

Jar Glove featuring Kristin Wiig

My second favorite sketch on what was an overall disappointing SNL was Kristin Wiig's hilarious Jar Glove commercial.

Snuggles

So, "Snuggles" the spider turned up in my bed the other day. I found him in the morning when I was stripping the bed to do the laundry. He was too majestic and horrifying to just discard or free willy-nilly. I ended up keeping him for almost 5 days. I upgraded his "cage" so he'd have more room to move around and catch bugs. Speaking of which, I'm so crazy that I began feeding him aphyids and a giant mosquito. Then, I decided that he had to go. He appeared to be getting more angry as our time together grew from one night into days. I let him go, but I did it waaaay across the street and made sure he went down the alley away from my house. Anybody wanna tell me what the hell he is based on his photo below? Click on the photo to make it bigger (if you dare).

ANTM: America's Next Total Monster

I know that saying Tyra Banks done lost her damn mind is like saying the sky is blue, but did she REALLY have to call Nikesha anorexic to her face in front of all the other girls before she kicked her off the show? That was just cruel, even for a heartless nutjob like Tyra. On a happier note, I'm still glad to see Isis in the running. And, I can say this because I'm gay, I hope that Hannah goes home before Isis so that when she's home in uptight bigoted Alaska, she has to tell everyone that she is uglier than a pre-op tranny (and then explain to everyone (including aunty Sarah Palin) what a pre-op tranny is). And, gurl, batten down the hatches because this week is makeover week! The tears! The drama! The dye!

A Lesson in Geography from Top Design

It looks like Project Runway and sounds like Project Runway... there's a blond woman with an accent kicking people off the show at the end. There's a gay guy giving advice and mentoring the designers. Inanimate objects are draped with fabric and judged within an inch of their lives. Only on Top Design its India Hicks instead of Heidi Klum, Todd Oldham instead of Tim Gunn, and sofas instead of models. Tomato, Tomahto.

The challenge this second week of the second show of the second season of Top Design had the contestants work in teams to remodel fallout shelters. This was a great challenge separating the designers with actual talent from those who are just filling space until the finale.

Two designers went home last night (um, just like Project Runway!) So next week there will be less contestants to keep track of and more to write. However, I'll leave you with this gem from Natalie. Quite possibly one of the dimmest bulbs on "smart" reality TV. If this doesn't make you want to vote for serious education reform, I don't know what will:

While describing the challenge, Natalie said this - verbatim:

"If the world was to end, and I could plan it because I was God, it would have to be something stupid like the Chinese have built the Transformers to bomb us back because they were pissed about the Hiroshima bombing."

Last night before I went to sleep, I knelt by my bed, placed my hands together and prayed to God that s/he knew where Hiroshima was.

Project Runway in Retrograde

Last night's episode of Project Runway once again proved that the show is running on Bravo fumes. Next year when the show is on Lifetime I can't imagine that it will be much better. Not that it was truly terrible, but it's getting old and clearly the producers are running out of good ideas for challenges.

The show started off with Terri singing Ding Dong the Witch is Dead which immediately indicted that by the end of the episode karma would come back around, kiss her on both cheeks, and wish her a hollow "auf weidershen." God, I love karma.

The astrological challenge was genius. I can't wait until they do Hallmark holidays like Grandparents Day and Administrative Assistant Day outfits.

I'll admit that at first I liked the idea - but then the eliminated contestants came out and I realized this was going to be a disaster. I didn't like any of them the first time around. Why would I want to see any of them again?

Halfway in I was sure Kenley was going to go. Her bad attitude and incessant whining nearly killed me. I used to really like her but now I'm on team Korto.

So begins the runway...

The first model out was Blayne & Stella's Libra monstrosity. There are no words for what they did. No words. Awful is too generous. Kenley's was awful and she got to stay.

Terri's was GREAT. For the drag queen challenge. If there was a drag queen named La Cucaracha.

Korto's dress was once again my favorite. Except when the model turned around.

Joe's design was very good. I just wish I liked him more. Or could at least remember that he's on the show. Is it possible for him to be any more forgettable?

Jerrell's dress was very well done. Sagittarius is an earth sign. Earthy colors. I got it. It was really the only one that made sense.

I loved Leanne's dress. Especially the back - or lack there of.

Suede really disappointed. So boring. Suede, you made Amy sad. Amy thinks you should have done better. Amy also thinks you must stop talking in the third person. Amy thinks it is really stupid.

Michael Kors said that Blayne's garment was "almost costumey." Almost, Mike? Almost?

On a roll, Michael Kors' comment to Terri about her model looking like a "voodoo princess in hell" made me, and the model, laugh out loud. Terri didn't think it was so funny.

So Kenley stayed. Jerrell won. Nina was back. Terri & Blayne are OUT. And right now Virgos are ruling the month.

What is your sign? What was your favorite designer dud last night?

No Comment: Sarah Palin Continues Hiding From The Media

While Vice Presidential Candidate and experience-free gun-toting hockey-mom, Sarah Palin, is HIDING FROM THE PRESS and continues to avoid addressing the issues, a few things have surfaced about her choices as mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. While in office, she supported a policy which charged rape victims for their rape-kit examinations. If you've just been raped, I have to assume that the last thing you want to be asked is, "Will you be paying by cash, check, or credit card for your rape kit?" From the Mat-Su Valley Frontiersman newspaper back in 2000 when Palin was mayor of Wasilla, "'In the past we've charged the cost of exams to the victims insurance company when possible. I just don't want to see any more burden put on the taxpayer'," Wasilla Police Chief (under Sarah Palin) Charlie Fannon said. " A police chief from the neighboring town of Palmer, Alaska said in the same article, "Chief Laren Zager said that to his knowledge, no sexual assault victim has ever been billed by the city of Palmer for an exam to collect evidence of a crime. Zager, who has been police chief since January, said he would never expect a victim to be burdened with the cost of a police investigation. I'm prepared to pay every dime in an investigation. As long as I am chief, I would never bill a victim, Zager said." Palin apparently didn't agree, but a state law forced her to absorb the cost of crime victims in her town instead of billing them for the crime committed against them. That's sound judgement we can trust for the future. NOT!

Screw Tina Fey, It's Harriet Miers I'm Worried About

Many people are talking about how much Sarah (gag) Palin reminds them of Tina Fey. Screw Tina Fey! Sarah Palin reminds ME of Harriet Miers! Doesn't anyone else remember the "scare tactics" the GOP used to get Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Conner replaced by that complete Republican right-wing nut job, Alito? They used the ol' bait and switch tactics. Trot out some crazy unqualified bitch to get people all riled up and then sneak a man in the back door while everyone's losing their shit. Well, while Palin is mouthing off about guns, teenage pregnancy, and her lies about not supporting the Alaskan Bridge To Nowhere (look it up, people!) the GOP is probably preparing Dick Cheney for another 8 years as VP on the same life-support making occasional public appearances.

Fiiiiiiiiierce

ANTM Cycle 11 premiered this week with Tyra's weirdest "set-up/intro" yet. She was a robot. I didn't need Tyra Banks to tell me Tyra Banks is a robot!
My four favorite girls are:
1. Isis, because she is strong and fierce and pretty
2. Sheena, because she IS Kimora Lee Simmons' mini-me
3. McKey, because she has a good heart and I like MMA
5. Joselyn, because she cracks me up

My two least favorite girls are:
1. Clark, because she is straight-up ignorant AND because she's from a "good Southern family"
2. Sharaun, because she was a straight-up cocky bitch
3. Mr. Jay, because his boobs looked funny and lopsided in his silver top

I can't wait for the makeovers! Maybe Mr. Jay will get a boob job.

Look Who I Found In My Bed

Look who I found in my bed when I was taking the sheets off today to do laundry. I guess he slept in my bed with my last night.

Please note that he is shown next to my cell phone for a size comparison and he takes up the better part of a postcard address area. It is the biggest spider I have ever personally seen with my own eyes, and I found it in my bed. I scooped him up and am deciding whether to make him a pet or set him free.

STEEEEEELLLLLLLAAAAAA!!!!!

THANK THE STARS ABOVE - Stella (aka Zoot from The Electric Mayhem but less likable) has left the building. Honestly, I couldn't take her anymore. This past Wednesday's episode should have been better. Maybe I was just too tired to fully enjoy it but I thought it was a little bit of a yawnfest.

DVF is a legend. Yes, she's fabulous but after Kenley cried for the 4th time and Korto kept saying what a legend she is and how fabulous she is, I kinda zoned out. You know they gather the contestants together before filming and tell them that they must gush over the guest judges repeatedly or they may not see another week. I don't really remember Stella raving about DVF - makes you think.

I didn't quite get the whole 40's Shanghai Spy thing either.

And maybe I was just conflicted that Leanne's outfit was beautiful - truly the best but insanely pissed at her for ripping off a Dolce Gabbana dress in last week's challenge.

I hated: Blayne's outfit - totally stupid but well made. Joe's outfit - totally stupid, fugly, and poorly made. Suede's vest. Terry's outfit - not terrible but can she PLEASE do something different for once? Stella and Stella's horribly made "outfit".

I loved: Kenley's dress (and the outfit she wore to the runway!) Korto's outfit was gorgeous - very DVF. Suede's dress - even though the judges didn't like it. Leanne's outfit - stunning.

I didn't care about Jarelle's one way or the other.

What did you think?

Deja Vu on the Runway

Last week's episode of Project Runway was one of my favorites this season. The car challenge was great and Leanne's winning piece was a piece of art. Literally. The Metropolitan Museum of Art in NYC thought so too. Last year. When Dolce Gabbana walked this little number down the runway (see picture) in 2007 the Met tapped it to be part of its Superheroes exhibit currently on view. Look familiar??? Leanne's winning leather/seatbelt dress is pretty much a carbon copy. My friend JP and I were shocked.

I still am.

Sarah Palin: Dick Cheney's Evil Twin Sister

Just when you thought that Dick Cheney was the MOST EVIL PERSON ON EARTH, Sarah Palin proves that she's a whole new ball of crazy and evil. Women, hide your reproductive rights from this blood-thirsty pit bull!!

New This Season on THE VIEW

One of the exciting new additions to this 12th season of THE VIEW is that
over the summer Whoopi, Joy, & Barbara were apparently freebasing Boniva and grew a spine! At least for the first two days of the season, those three ladies have been on Elizabitch Hassellcoulter like wild and long-grain on rice! Every time Elizabitch tries to pull the "Palin has more experience than Obama" bullsh#t line, the three ladies jump on her like a pack of wild cougers. Hasselcoulter has tried at least half a dozen times in two days to spread the Republican talking point that Palin is more experienced than Barack Obama, which is utter CRAP. Anyone with a high school education should be able to read the facts. Also, I couldn't believe that Elizabitch had the nerve to say right to Barbara Walters' face that Barbara was disparaging and disrespecting working mothers by simply ASKING if Sarah Palin could share her plan for raising 5 children, one of whom has Downs Syndrome and one of who is an unwed pregnant minor. I'd sure like to know how Palin plans to raise 5 children if McCain wins and then kicks the bucket and she is President (god forbid either has the chance to do either). Barbara Walters has been working 24 hours a day 7 days a week for 70 years, and Elizabitch is going to question HER on parenting issues?! Sherri Sheppard is still a loose cannon of ignorance and immaturity (at age 40) who will fuel Hasselcoulter's fire for hatred and misinformation this season. Plus, the ladies are just back from a loooong vacation, and I hope that Elizabitch doesn't wear them all down like she did last season. By the end of last season, no one could say anything to Elizabitch with her going on a "John MCain is the saviour of our country" diatribe (for 5 minutes). It so obvious that Elizabitch gets a script from the RNC every morning and she just parrots that script no matter what anyone else at the table has to say. This season, for the FIRST time, the ladies are not letting Hasselcoulter get away with her propaganda and lies. Both Whoopi and Barbara did more to try to stop her today than I've ever seen before. So, GOOD JOB ladies, but I don't know how much more I can take. It's like watching a really bloody boxing match every morning.Here is a chilling example of what Elizabitch Hasselcoulter's world would look like if John McCain wins in November.

America's Next Top Model Cycle 11

Here's a sneak peek from this Wednesday's 2-hour premiere of AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL on the CW.