SNL 2009: Neil Patrick Harris

Tonight, SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE returned live with host and gay cutie-pie Neil Patrick Harris. Sadly, the show is without new mom Amy Poehler. Thank god (who I don't believe in) that Kristin Wiig is still kicking ass on the show! She did a spot-on Kathie Lee Gifford on the interminable 5th hour of the TODAY show. She also had a triumphant return as terminally annoying know-it-all Penelope with a surprise ending. And the SNL faux game show with the BEST theme song ever, "Two First Names" featured -among others - Wiig as Jamie Lee Curtis (having a digestive emergency). Sadly, I can't find a clip of "Two First Names." :-(
This clip is called "Fran & Freba"

Penelope's two best friends are a tomato and Liza Minnelli.

Wiig does a FRIGHTENINGLY flawless Kathie Lee Gifford as the 4th hours of the TODAY show drones on and on and on...

The rest of last night's clips from SNL are on NBC clips page or on Hulu.

Saturday Video Buffet

Rejoice potatoes! Here, collected all in one handy place, are all of The Sectional's favorite YouTube videos... so far! What are we missing? Suggest additions, deletions, better versions, and links to YOUR top 5, 10, whatever. We all wanna see! Comment! It soothes the soul and refreshes the mind. Please to enjoy.

Crooked Art: Lana Crooks

Miss Amy pointed out artist Lana Crooks to me, and the more I learn about her, the more I love her work. She has a top-notch web site and a blog too (see blog roll, right and down). She's based in Chicago. Check out Lana Crooks if you're in the Chicago area. In addition to plush skulls, Crooks creates plush squids, and other "monsters." She makes wearable art and backpacks. Why aren't you checking out her stuff?! But come right back and play with the video player more, ok?

Anderson Cuter

Super Duper Anderson Cooper has broken through some sort of news/entertainment hymen to become both adorable AND trustworthy (as well as sexually ambiguous, vexingly enigmatic, and downright girly) at the same time, on air! The seriousness and gravity of a Walter Cronkite type news delivery system seems so "old man" and too scary for America. Andy Cooper (as La Griffin calls him) is so "versatile" that he can report about Middle East politics and also host CNN's historic first First Family Puppy "Debate."

Speaking of La Griffin (aren't we always?!) she was on JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE (Again!? Is her house like right up the street from his studio?) She talks about hosting New Year's Eve on CNN with "Andy."

More!

And, I could watch this clip all day! Happy Friday!

CBC: Steven & Chris and The Dragon's Den, eh?

Girl, you don't know what you're missing if you're not Canadian or lucky enough to have CBC on your cable TV like I do. Though, I'll probably lose it when I switch from lying assh@les Comcast to Direct TV any minute! Anyway, while I still have CBC, I'm enjoying a couple of shows that just aren't on American TV, unfortunately. STEVEN & CHRIS is a daytime talk show featuring 2 openly (unquestionably) gay hosts. They even pronounce the name of the show like Kelly (from "Shoes") would pronounce "betch": STEVEN & CRESSSS. Luckily, you can watch clips and whole episodes online on the CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Company) web site. The other show I love is DRAGON'S DEN. There's a British version too on BBC America which I haven't seen yet (but will when I get Direct TV!) Canadian entrepreneurs pitch their crazy half-baked ideas to a panel of Canada's most successful and wealthy businesspeople. Of course, some of the ideas are pretty good and the dragon's invest their own money in the project. The show also has all sorts of smart tie-ins like voting for your favorite crazy idea that didn't make it. America had a show kinda like this on ABC that Simon Cowell co-produced, but it was poorly scheduled and I only watched it once. DRAGON'S DEN on CBC has a really wonderful Canadian quality to it. They're not as bitchy as the Brits and they're not condesending like Americans. It's a perfect balance for a reality show. In fact, I would say that most Canadian "reality" TV comes much closer to fine documentary film making rather than purulent realityshow flotsam and jetsom.

You Call That A Hole?

"Things Courtney Love Would Say?" "Yes!" Donny Osmond would confirm with zest. "You just won $100,000 PYRAMID" Oh wait, that was a dream I had. Anyway, FOX finally created an Americanized version of that Japanese game show (that's been on Ellen since last season) where people have to fit through a weird-shaped hole in a wall or be pushed --by that MOVING wall-- into a ball pit. FOX replaced the ball pit with a Gatorade tank, and gave the contestants the same INSANE uniforms to wear that make them look like Jiffy-Pop popcorn. The show is called HOLE IN THE WALL and has a "circus-like" atmosphere. I don't need Nina Garcia to tell me that shiny mylar bodysuits are simply NOT flattering to anyone. FOX put some "big boned" people in those hideous shiny suits. One woman set African-Ameican history back 30 years by doing the "Re-Run" dance from WHAT'S HAPPENIN' while wearing her mylar suit. One of her team partners had a camel toe "situation" that went clear up to her navel. TMI. HOLE IN THE WALL stars Brooke Burns from DOG EAT DOG, which is like a more interesting HOLE IN THE WALL. I like Brooke Burns because she sells crap like no one else! And, she doesn't appear to mind speaking to wet people. Other highlights include clone Ty Pennington's other clone as one of the show's lifeguards because "big boned" people CAN drown in 3 feet of Gatorade. I never would have even seen this "gem" of a show because it was listed on my TiVo as repeats of AMERICAN DAD. I was looking forward to Stan Smith and ended up with even stupider Americans. Anyway, if you're home alone and bored out of your mind... it's time to face the final hole! [that's a direct quote from the show!]

The Soup: Clipdown '08

Don't tell my dog, but I have a crush on Lou from TV's THE SOUP. Thank you Jeebus for THE SOUP's CLIPDOWN '08 PART II this week. What a GREAT way to start the new year (by looking back and laughing at last year)! I was originally perturbed that E! broke the Clipdown into 2 parts, but I now see the wisdom behind their madness. Perhaps one of the best things about both CLIPDOWN shows was how quickly Joel slammed his way through the lists of clips. These shows were as lean as a West Hollywood body builder. No fat. All clips. Thank you, Joel McHale, for sharing TV's bounty with me (and, y'know, everyone else too). You've AAAAALMOST restored my faith in TV. You've definitely restored my faith in cuteness.

ReTweet: My Favorite Tweets

This is a re-post of an earlier post with a few updates sprinkled throughout. As you may know, The Sectional is now on Twitter. I've been using Twitter -or Twittering, I suppose- for a few months now. Along the way, I've discovered a few really pleasant surprises. Here are a few of my favorite feeds to follow, and why.

1. Wil Wheaton, wilw, who you will remember from STAR TREK: TNG (sigh... Wesley Crusher) and a little film called STAND BY ME. He uses Twitter on a level that raises it to an art form. His posts are like poetry, but not in the rhyming way. He posts an interesting mix of Hollywood gossip and geeky tech stuff as well as personal updates. Stand-up guy. He is also on our blog roll.

2. Stephen Fry, stephenfry, who you will remember from such films as WILDE, PETER'S FRIENDS, and SPICE WORLD. The amazing Mr. Fry travels the globe meeting fabulous people and Twitters about it often with an economy of words and characters per post that is admirable and also borders on poetic (maybe it's just the accent).

3. Paul F. Thompkins, Twitterkins, who you will remember from BEST WEEK/YEAR EVER and as an occasional guest on COUNTDOWN with Keith Olbermann. Twitters often in a million different directions. Crazy. Funny. Twitterkins, is fast becoming my favorite feed! He's hilarious.

4. John Hodgeman, hodgman, who you will remember from the commercial you just saw where he plays "PC guy" to allegedly hip Justin Long's "Mac," and from his appearances on THE DAILY SHOW. Funny to the bone, and often gets into Twitter "fights" with Twitterkins and DAILY SHOW producers. If you like THE SECTIONAL, you should own every single one of John Hodgeman's books. He is a gifted writer.

5. Mark Trahant, NewsRimes4lines, who you probably don't know. He's a reporter for the Seattle P-I newspaper who posts his Twitter feeds in 4 line rhyming poems. Love it. He is a true Twitter artist.

And, of course you should be following The Sectional's Twitter feed. You are, right?

Was I High On Crack Or Was CNN?

Kathy Griffin was ON FIRE New Year's Eve in Times Square on CNN's downright trippy coverage of NYE around the globe. La Griffin was SO beautifully out-of-her-mind Anderson Cooper could BARELY keep up. She kept that closeted sex-machine on his toes for 2 hours of freezing cold LIVE tv. She kept CNN on their toes too! I have to say that it may have been the BEST Kathy has EVER looked on tv, and she was the BEST thing about the show. Any time they cut away to the crowd or another location, it was dead air. Anderson and Kathy had an infectious repartee that really made their interactions riveting. I couldn't have changed the channel if I wanted to. Kathy was IN CHARGE! Bravo, girl!

OH, but it gets SO much better! I missed this in the original broadcast. Thank you YouTube!

Happy 2009

Happy New Year, Potatoes! Make 2009 your best year ever. Watch more TV.

It's Been a Busy Day for The Squeaky Wheel

I just can't get angry --I'm simmering, potatoes!-- and stand by while NO ONE does ANYTHING. The City of Seattle and Seattle's Mayor Greg "B" Nickels have BOTCHED their handling of our recent Snowpocalypse (or Snowmare or natural disaster depending on who you ask) SO badly that it SHOULD be a NATIONAL news story to bring SHAME to the Nickel's "administration." Did anyone see the TWO tour buses FULL of YOUNG PEOPLE teetering over the broken edge of a freeway retaining wall?! Apparently, the Mayor missed that on TV from his bunker deep inside City Hall. Following the Mayor's brief 20 minute LIE CONFERENCE on Christmas Eve, I started a Facebook protest group called "Save Our Streets" to collect the stories of people impacted by the storm and to urge the City to salt at least the WORST hills. I wanted to create a central online space for information about the storm-response. Seattle needed a place to share information from citizen to citizen. The group has grown by word of mouth to over 80 members who have shared a lot of great (and scary) stories and photos from this storm. Mayor Nickels' assessment of the severity of the storm makes it VERY clear to every Seattle citizen that he did not live through the storm like the rest of us did. Mayor Nagin -I mean Nickels- has YET to answer any more questions about his bungling of this storm since his "B" grade LAST Wednesday. I'm NOT letting up on this issue! Today I was featured in a story on Seattle's "Big Blog" run by the Seattle P-I daily newspaper. The article is the "lead story" on the blog tonight. This squeaky wheel is going to keep on squeaking until Mayor Greg "B" Nickels comes out of his hiding place and apologizes to Seattle for his flippant, ill-advised, and insulting "B" grade and for taking away many, MANY people's Christmases this year. Mayor Knucklehead is the Grinch Who Stole Christmas (and a pasty bloated coward to boot)! The phone number to call the Mayor and tell him what YOU think of his lazy response to Seattle's WORST natural disaster in 2 years is on my Facebook group page. Please join if you haven't already. Let you voice be HEARD!

UPDATE: I will be featured on KOMO4 News at 5PM and Q-13 News at 10PM in Seattle for starting my Facebook protest page. Also, the Mayor is still really M.I.A. One of the reporters who interviewed me was on her way over to his house to "surprise" him.

Styli ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ sta Is Finally Over

Does anyone care that STYLISTA finally ended last week? Or was it the week before? Who won? Some girl who was a bitch. The really bitchy one? No. The kinda timid-about-being-bitchy girl. Oh. Hmmm. The really bitchy girl did what most delusional reality show contestants do, she walked off with her head held high talking about how she'd hire and fire them all someday. Then she dissolved into tears. Did Anne warm up at all during the show? Yes, she laughed often, though almost always AT someone. Sometimes Joe Zee laughed for her, if she was too busy or bored or distracted. Anne made Patsy Stone look like a model employee! I still can't get over how much venom Brooke could pack into saying the name "Anne." It was like she threw up a little in her throat every time she said it and the "e" was the sound of her swallowing it. So the show was a complete waste of time? Yes. Worse than THE SHOT? Oh hell yes! Worse than the first episode of this past season of ANTM? Oh hell no! I still have nightmares that someone is cloning Tyra banks in a lab somewhere.

This Just In: Jeff Lieberman Still Adorable (and Straight)

This just in! Jeff Lieberman of Discovery Channel's awesome new show TIME WARP is still hot and still straight. If either situation changes, we'll be the first to make inappropriate comments about it. Usually when I find out a guy is straight I'm just not into him any more. It's like a light switch. But Jeff Lieberman is just too cute! I'm not going to stalk him or anything, but Jeff Lieberman, you are welcome to stalk me. The more I learn about Jeff, the more I fall in love with him. He is a mad scientist slash genius which I think is sexy. He is so smart it's retarded! Big brains turn me on. But even with his unusually huge brain, he looks good in a tight t-shirt. Are there Jeff Lieberman fan sites out there I can link to? Lemme know! We aim to connect lovers of Jeff Lieberman worldwide whenever possible.

2009 Will Be a Let Down After This

Whoever is in charge at CNN and paired Super Duper Extra Sexy Closeted Anderson Cooper with Kathy God Damn Griffin deserves a special Emmy award. It just doesn't get any better! If Lance Bass shows up, I'll poop myself! I am going to TiVo the crap outta this show! Though, I'll probably be at home watching it on TiVo anyway. I'm not one for big holiday parties. I'm a nester. Only a Platinum Club Fag Hag like Griffin (and Kelly Ripa) can bring the big ol' gurl in Anderson out. Anderson is a giggling mess after 20 minutes with Griffin or Ripa. I'm hopin' and prayin' that when Regin tosses in the towel on his 25+ year LIVE morning TV show, that Anderson Cooper will replace him. I don't wish Regis ill, I just hope Coop gets his host chair when Regis moves on to a twice nightly show at the Trump Palace in Atlantic City. The countdown to New Year's Eve with Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin is ON, bitches!

Happy Friday! You Made It Through Christmas!

Good for you! You made it through Christmas. Now, with an eye toward the new year full of "hope*" and "change*" and "equality for all*" (*unless you're gay) here is an inspirational video from Funny Or Die dot com to start your post-xmas off right!

Now use your own unique talents (see photo above) and get out there and change the world... right after THE PRICE IS RIGHT!

RIP: Eartha Kitt

It wasn't a very merry Christmas for Eartha Kitt. She passed away from colon cancer earlier today at the age of 81. We'll miss you Eartha. Meow.

RIP: Harold Pinter

Not a good day for show business. Nobel Laureate and playwright of over 40 plays Harold Pinter passed away (also from cancer). He was 78.

Chappy Chanukah Night 5

Happy Chanukah Night 5, Jewtatoes! Click on the Christian Siriano Fierce Menorah to see it full sized. On this day in history, Jesus wasn't born. Also, in 1066, William the Conqueror was crowned King of England. George Washington crossed the Delaware River and surprised the Hessians. In 1830, the first regularly scheduled passenger train in the United States began operation in South Carolina. In 1949, fictitious detective Dick Tracy got married on Christmas Day. The comic strip hero, who was not a real person, married Tess Trueheart (also fictitious). In 1993 Mariah Carey had the #1 single in the U.S., "Hero", from the #1 album in the U.S., "Music Box." Anti-Christ Karl Rove was hatched today from the abandoned egg of Satan's bitch. Happy Birthday to the following people who aren't Jesus Christ: Sir Isaac Newton, Clara Barton, Conrad Hilton, Cab Calloway, Anwar el-Sadat, Rod Serling, Hanna Schygulla, Gary Sandy, Jimmy Buffett, Mabel King, CCH Pounder, Barbara Mandrell, Sissy Spacek, Humphrey Bogart, Dido, Quentin Crisp, Annie Lennox, and Shane MacGowan just to name a few people who were born today, unlike Jesus.

LOL Cats Say "Ho Ho Ho"

more animals

Merry Merry

Happy holidays from The Sectional. Here's a heartwarming holiday song from cutie Jason Mraz.

F#CK YOU, OBAMA!

You lost me, Obama. Not only that, but I feel used. "Change" you said. "Hope" you said. You have given me neither. You are an asshole just like EVERY other politician in the world. I should have fought harder for Hillary. we all should have fought harder for Hillary.

Towleroad said it better than I could, "It is right to continue to condemn the Warren decision, and it shows that not only must we hold Obama to the promises he made to the LGBT people who helped get him elected, we must demand even more.

It is shameful that Obama's campaign of "inclusivity" is to get its first national blessing from a man whose ideology is anything but inclusive. It won't be forgotten until promises, policy, and solid legislation are pursued in the direction of equality for LGBT Americans."

I think the web site above should be "dumbprickwarren.com"

Best Of The Sectional

Thanks again if you are reading this right now. Based on our calculations here at The Sectional Labs, LLC the following posts are THE BEST based on a few different criteria. We love Kristin Wiig and Joel McHale. We love SNL and PROJECT RUNWAY. We do not care for THE VIEW nor do we consider Dr. Phil an actual doctor (of anything). Let me know if any of the links don't link. I had to hand-code most of this post. Gah!

MOST VIEWS
#1. /2008/03/live-from-new-york-its-kristin-wiig.html
Kristin Wiig always gets a TON of hits. Obviously, not enough people are blogging about the Wiig's brilliance!
#2. /2008/12/snl-no-mo-po.html
Another huge hit for an SNL post. SNL really reaped a windfall from John McCain's selection of Tiny Fey as his running mate.
#3. /2008/04/anderson-cooper-penis-bump.html
I can NOT believe this clip hasn't been removed yet. It is a frequent favorite among Sectional readers. Everyday I keep expecting Super Duper Anderson Cooper to sue my ass. (Yes, I said "sue" not "do."
#4. /2008/03/very-live-with-regis-and-ke-joy-philbin.html
Not enough folks are blogging about what a great show LIVE is. And Joy Philbin deserves her own blog.
#5. /2008/03/picture-this-oops-you-cant.html
I'm always surprised when people who are on TV shows have absolutely NO other imprint on the Internet. I don't have a TV show (well, I did) and you can Google 2 pages worth of crap on me. Ben Turner is one of the stars of a popular show, but good luck finding out ANY info about him on the web.
#6. /2008/04/roslin-adama-08.html
At the height of the 2008 U.S. election, I just couldn't take it anymore and I longed for the security of President Laura Roslyn and her muscle Bill Adama.
#7. /2008/03/real-worldroad-rules-challenge-gauntlet.html
I am most proud of this post about the RR/RW Challenges which I think are the "1950's Quizshow Scandal" for our generation and a definite harbinger of sneaky underhanded game playing yet to be seen on TV.
#8. /2008/04/wiig-iis-jamie-lee-curtis.html
Another Wiig clip. Her spoof of the Jaime Lee Curtis Activia poop-yogurt ads remains a classic!

A FEW OF PATTY'S FAVORITE POSTS
/2008/03/real-worldroad-rules-challenge-gauntlet.html
This is the closest I get to journalism. :-)
/2008/03/live-from-new-york-its-kristin-wiig.html
I just LOVE Kristin Wiig, and I'm very happy that this post is The Sectional's most popular.
/2008/06/probst-fans-better-than-biography.html
What a day this was on LIVE WITH JEFF PROBST AND KELLY! Jeff Probst shared scandalous photos and stories like he was on a Barbara Walters' interview. The embarrassing stories and photos just kept coming all show long.
/2008/03/lisa-ling.html
Lisa Ling doesn't get enough credit. She is like a female Anderson Cooper. She's not afraid to go anywhere to bring AMAZING stories to TV. She's a national treasure!
/2008/04/lee-adama-dick.html
Ugh! I just hated the entire "Citizen Adama" story line on BSG. They somehow manage to get away with having the same person play 8 different Cylons and I believe it. But I don't believe that Lee Adama would volunteer to get out of his viper to haggle over parking restrictions with the Fleet City Council. Laaame!
/2008/05/what-doesnt-anderson-cooper-know-about.html
This is just plain aDORable! If you haven't watched this Anderson Cooper clip yet, you MUST!
/2008/11/wiig-as-hasselcoulter.html
I can't believe it took SNL this long to skewer Elizabitch Hasselcoulter.

SEARCH ENGINE KEYWORDS
These words and combinations of words brought more people to The Sectional than all the other words in the English language. This list is in order!
joy+philbin+trainwreck I'm as surprised as you.
ben turner ace of cakes Few people are blogging about Ben.
ace of cakes ben turner (is there a big difference?)
anderson cooper penis Duh! It's like shooting fish in a barrel.
joy philbin Why aren't more people blogging about Joy Philbin!?
kristen wiig suze orman This was our highest traffic page until just last week.
kristin wiig suze orman The misspelling above was more common than this correctly spelled search term.

WHAT WE'VE WRITTEN ABOUT THE MOST (according to the tags)
the view (38)
elizabeth hasselbeck (29)
american idol (28)
john mccain (27)
Bush regime (25)
elizabeth hasselbitch (22)
sarah palin (22)
john mccain vp (20)
snl (16)
project runway (15)
antm (12)
live with regis and kelly (12)
antm11 (11)
sytycd 4 (11)
barbara walters (10)
kathy griffin (10)
seattle (10)
so you think you can dance (10)

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES vs. WEEDS
The AMERICAN IDOL judges: Yogi, Paula, and Snidely Whiplash.
AMERICAN IDOL loser Jason Castro and his alter-ego Rum Tum Tugger.
Oh no she didn't. Oh yes she did.ExxonMobil exemplifies everything that is wrong with the United States. They keep raking in record PROFITS while American citizens pay out the ass for cheap gas. The oil companies ran the U.S. while George W. Bush was in office.

Happy Birthday to My Blog

The Sectional turns 1 today. Thanks to everyone who visits us regularly and here's to making new friends in the new year. Here are a few interesting facts about The Sectional blog. We've enjoyed 6,280 unique visits over the past year. Visitors really found us in March and April of this year, but our very first post appeared one year ago today. Stay tuned today for special surprises throughout the day. Thanks again! xoxo, Patty and Amy

UFC: The Musical!

Not only is THE ULTIMATE FIGHTER the most deliciously homoerotic show on TV since JACKASS, it also provides some random reality show moments like this one. TUF fighter David Kaplan is a multi-talented attention whore, it turns out. Let's start with a clip of Kaplan on Joey Fatone's rocket-to-stardom NBC'S THE SINGING BEE.

Now that we're 100% sure he's NOT gay, let's take a look at him from this past season's THE ULTIMATE FIGHTER. In case you've been living under a rock, THE ULTIMATE FIGHTER is a SPIKE TV reality show featuring mixed martial arts cage fighters fighting their way toward a UFC contract and sponsorship deals. It's a BIG opportunity, but at least 1/2 the guys are too lunkheaded to make the most of the experience. Here's SINGING BEE winner David Kaplan on THE ULTIMATE FIGHTER.
It's difficult to say in which clip he looks the most uncomfortable.

Happy Winter Solstice!

Happy Winter Solstice, potatoes! Have you hugged a Pagan today?! If you live in North America, your days will be getting longer (yay!), and if you live in the Southern Hemisphere... bad news: your days are getting shorter. When it's winter solstice in the Northern Hemisphere, the sun is directly overhead at noon only along the Tropic of Capricorn, on which lie such places as Sao Paulo, Brazil, southern Madagascar, and areas north of Brisbane, Australia. It hardly seems like the first day of winter here in Seattle! We've had day after day of snow all week. News of longer days couldn't come soon enough! Many, many cultures the world over perform solstice ceremonies. At their root: an ancient fear that the failing light would never return unless humans intervened with anxious vigil or antic celebration. I'll be anxiously waiting for the snow/ice to melt and I'll be engaging in antic celebration today with KUNG FU PANDA and the ULTIMATE FIGHTER FINALE. Here's the view from my window today.