Happy Friday, Gaytatoes!

My friends on Facebook shared this with me. Gay stereotypes are only funny on Friday, so I saved it until today. Kudos to the filmmaker!

SNL 2009: Neil Patrick Harris

Tonight, SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE returned live with host and gay cutie-pie Neil Patrick Harris. Sadly, the show is without new mom Amy Poehler. Thank god (who I don't believe in) that Kristin Wiig is still kicking ass on the show! She did a spot-on Kathie Lee Gifford on the interminable 5th hour of the TODAY show. She also had a triumphant return as terminally annoying know-it-all Penelope with a surprise ending. And the SNL faux game show with the BEST theme song ever, "Two First Names" featured -among others - Wiig as Jamie Lee Curtis (having a digestive emergency). Sadly, I can't find a clip of "Two First Names." :-(
This clip is called "Fran & Freba"

Penelope's two best friends are a tomato and Liza Minnelli.

Wiig does a FRIGHTENINGLY flawless Kathie Lee Gifford as the 4th hours of the TODAY show drones on and on and on...

The rest of last night's clips from SNL are on NBC clips page or on Hulu.

Michael Phelps and Anderson Cooper: The Buddy System

I don't even know where to start on this highly-professional, highly-erotic interview/bromance of Phelps by Coop on 60 MINUTES. Towards the end of the piece, Coop races Phelps. Sorry, Coop fans, no Speedo. But I'll take tasty Anderson in his baggy-ass swim trunks ANY day! I don't even want to THINK about what happened in the steam room later! (Just kidding! Of COURSE want to know!!)

Watch CBS Videos Online

Rosie O'Donnell's LIVE Variety Extravaganza (with Liza Minnelli fer f#ck's sake!)

Tonight is the night you've been waiting for! [SCROLL DOWN FOR MY REACTION TO THE SHOW]

I don't even know where to begin with what could be either the biggest train wreck or the greatest moment of entertainment this season on TV. Guests include Liza Freakin' Minnelli, Kathy Godamn Griffin, Alec Baldwin, Alanis Morrissette, Jane Krakowski, Ne-Yo, Rachael Ray (BARF!), Harry Connick Jr., and The Gaiken (on the same show as Kathy Godamn Griffin). My TiVo says the show is only 60 minutes which seems short to me, but we'll see. Does anyone know if this is a "one off" show or will Rosie be having more live extravaganzas in the future? Rosie was on Conan O'Brien recently and said that Barbara Walters HAAAATES her and apparently said so on THE VIEW recently. I'd love to see Rosie (and fellow B. Wal hatee Kathy Godamn Griffin) skewer the old bag of bones, but Rosie told Conan that even though B. Wal HAAAATES her, she has too much respect for her as a journalist to return her fire. Tune in tonight a 8PM (or at another time if you live in the middle).

So, I watched the show... Rosie looked great. Fantastic makeup. I loved the opening number with Liza Minnelli. I saw Liza on Broadway in like 2000, and it looked like she'd be in the ground by intermission. But, she's risen and fallen a few times since then and tonight she rose from the grave (right onto Rosie's stage) and sang her skinny old ass off. Though Rosie sounded awful, Liza more than made up for it. Way to start a show! Talk about variety! First, Alec Baldwin came out, looked HUGE, and kept almost motorboating Rosie's ample bosom. Conan O'Brien arrived, looked like a stick figure, got hit in the face with a pie, and then left. Some little tiny children looking people tap danced, then two really gay looking guys did some crazy dancing that was an odd mix of SO YOU THINK YOU CAN RIVERDANCE. Jane Krakowski showed up and did a saucy Carol Merrill Broadway striptease while giving away a ton of free crap to the audience. That was surreal in a way I wasn't expecting. Then a paunchy Gaiken come on in his SPAMALOT costume. His hair looked like Kathy Griffin's hair when she hasn't had her hair or makeup done. Ne Yo sang a song. It wasn't bad. He sounded good. Nancy Grace popped up on a giant screen and then Kathy Griffin came out "doing" a flawless Nancy Grace impression (which I saw her do live on Saturday). Harry Connick Jr. came out dressed as Santa (sorta) and promoted his new Christmas CD and then "sang" (though he looked like he was having a grand mal seizure when he sang). Then the show took a crazy turn into "variety" territory with an ecstacy flashback involving WAY too much motion for my old brain to process: cowboys, hula hoops, segways, and asian chicks. Lots of spinning things. After the break, Rosie did a bit where she was dressed as a cop followed by Alanis Morrisette looking like Jennifer Anniston. She sounded great, but I wanted to kill myself about 30 seconds into her touching, introspective dirge. Gawdblesser, but she's kinda like Tori Amos without any balls. Gloria Estefan came out and did a lame-ass joke then sang with Rosie. Their voices sounded better than the Liza number, though it lacked the same pizzazz. Plus, I hate Gloria Estefan almost as much as Sharon Stone. Oh shit, I'm hallucinating now. There's giant dancing food. Worse yet, Rachel Ray popped out carrying a HUGE (fake) turkey. God damn I hate that bitch, Rachel Ray. But despite RR and Glofan, I enjoyed the show and would watch it again. Did you watch it? Did you enjoy it, or do you want that hour of your life back?

Seattle Gay Civil Rights March 6000 Protesters Strong

It was an amazing rally at Volunteer Park. King County Executive Rom Sims really rallied the crowd. He rocks! The 6000 marchers moved quickly and peacefully out of the park. Some police were there, but they mostly just looked bored. You can watch my video slide show of the start of the march here! (Comment, potatoes!)

13th Seattle Lesbian & Gay Film Festival

Be sure to check out the closing weekend of the 13th Seattle Lesbian & Gay Film Festival. You do not want to miss ELVIRA MISTRESS OF THE DARK. Elvira will be there. For real!Sunday Update: Elvira looks AMAZING! in person. She's totally still got it. She rocked a full house with a hilarious Q&A after a 35mm screening of ELVIRA: MISTRESS OF THE DARK (circa 1988). So many juicy details in the Q&A! She still owns the car from the film and has been known to take it out for a spin. She learned all her hair, outfit, and make-up tricks from drag queens. Joey Arias is in ELVIRA: MISTRESS OF THE DARK. Her BFF is Paul Reubens (aka Pee Wee Herman). She was a riot! I wish she'd come to the party after the film, but apparently she signed autographs until every last homo had left the theater. If the film comes to a midnight movie near you, GO! I'm not kidding. I'm NOT!

Happy National Coming Out Day

Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay Gaaay

Tyra Banks read poetry on tonight ANTM. Imagine how weird your life would be if Tyra Banks kept popping up randomly and forcing you to smile pretty and listen to her poetry. She's turning into Kim Jong Il. One of the models on tonight's show said, "This is cycle 11, you never know what's going to happen." I have to disagree. You should know exactly what is going to happen. Tyra's gonna show up, do something humiliating and pointless, and then you're going to get photographed (by a man) while wearing pretty clothes. Time to vogue, ladies. The models were coached through a posing session with Ms. Tyra, who taught them how to "give this." This --as far as I can tell-- is what Tyra does for a living. My favorite person on the show is Joselyn (who was barely in this episode), and my favorite model is Sheena (even though, she's kinda one-note). Marjorie is totally gonna win, and I don't like Elina. Tyra's outfit (self described as "little black riding hood") and her over-the-top-of-the-top delivery at panel was from another planet. My favorite photograph was Samantha's but not because of her. Marjorie really rocked her photo. I agreed with the judges choice of who to send home. What do you think? Also, ummmmm, what is gonna happen to the ANTM timeslot when STYLISTA starts in 2 weeks?

So then I switch the channel over to Bravo (actually, I pding the TiVo over to Bravo) to watch part 1 of the PROJECT RUNWAY finale. A quote from Korto within the first 3 minutes of the show, "Typical Kenley... rude as hell." When Kenley just breezed by the other contestants with a scowl and went home. When 3 out of 4 people are getting along great, and you're the one walking away with a scowl, you need to look at yourself, lady! [But as we know from looking "into the future" on today's LIVE WITH _____ & KELLY that Kenley is still a total bitch.] My favorite part of the whole season is Tim's visit "home" to meet the contestants' families and see where they live and work. First up, Korto. Jesus! Korto is WAY too cool for Arkansas. Her collection and her workspace are stunning. Though, I agree with Tim that her wedding dress needed something more (a lot less). Korto then drummed for us. Who knew? Leanne lives in Portland, which explains why she's so mousy and plain. I liked her wedding dress more than Korto's, but her collection was kind of putting me to sleep. Tim Gunn on a bicycle built for two! Holy crap, perhaps the funniest thing this season. I love the parks in Portland. If it wasn't SO boring, I'd love to move to Portland. It's true that EVERYONE rides a bike in Portland. Jarell lives in LA. I should have figured that out. Though, his collection is so not-LA. I love Jarell's family. You can see in Jarell's story how creative people can be nurtured and supported by an environment instead of stifled by it. Speaking of stifling, Tim finally went to visit Kenley in Brooklyn. She cried. And cried. And then cried more. No friends. No family. Just tears. Gorgeous wedding dress, though. Best so far. Then the designers all moved back in together in NYC and got thrown a curve ball. They had to design a bridesmaid dress to go with their wedding dress. Kenley's eye roll almost pulled the Earth off it's axis. Later, she whined some more. Then later she accused Leanne and Korto of stealing her design. As if! In fact, later Michael Kors pointed out that Kenley's silouette was an almost exact copy of an Alexander McQueen dress from Spring of THIS year. Kenley protested petulently, but check out the photos I put together. Seems pretty identical to me. On the runway, however, none of the dresses looked like wedding dresses to me. I wouldn't want to be married in either Korto's dress or Jarell's. I was relieved by the judge's choice. I still think it's downright sh!tty to handle the end of the show this way. Just pick a damn final 3. Anyway, one week 'til the final finale! Also, don't forget to watch TIM GUNN'S GUIDE TO STYLE season 2. I'm devastated that Victoria Blackham --I mean! Veronica Webb isn't going to be on this season. If I didn't love Tim so much, I'd protest!

The gayness soldiered on into the night as I dipped my toe into TOP DESIGN. The challenge was to redecorate an eco-friendly office. But, who cares, really? The show should be called WHAT THE F#CK IS UP WITH KELLY WEARSTLER'S HAIR THIS WEEK?! In the mean time, Eddie elevated the level of bitchiness (and queeniness) every time he was on camera. It was like a never ending spiral into white-hot queerness. A little scary. Then Mr. India Hicks throws the biggest, stupidest curve into the show: after the designers have met with their clients, designed for their clients, and shopped for their clients, they have to swap clients with another designer and somehow make their "vision" work. This is utter bull$hit, and I'm sick of it! Play fair, show producers. Then FINALLY, it was time for W's hair, and was it worth the wait? Um, no! because she wasn't even on the show this week! Dammit! What a waste of an hour! Hey look, Cybil Shepard went to Wearstler's hair dresser! TOP DESIGN at least ended the 3 hour Gay-A-Thon with the gayest thing I've seen on TV in... almost forever.

The Gayest Night of TV on TV

I enjoyed the trifecta of gay TV tonight: ANTM, PROJECT RUNWAY, and TOP DESIGN. None of the shows is particularly outstanding on its own. Though, ANTM is really AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MONSTER. Tyra is insane. What the HELL was she wearing at panel?! Even compared to Miss Jay, Tyra is out o' her mind. At only 23 minutes into the show, they sent one of the modelettes home early because her runway walk was so hideous. Granted, the girls were blindfolded. But still, her walk was atrocious. In other news, the fashions on ANTM were 700 billion times better than 94% of the fashions on this season's PROJECT RUNWAY. The Jeremy Scott outfits (pictured left) were wicked FIERCE! Then, the winners of the runway challenge did a mini-photoshoot for some 15! year-old designer chick from Russia. It was an action-packed, if unremarkable episode. I agreed with the first girl sent home, but I definitely did not agree with the second girl sent home. Bravo Bravo for back to back Gay-O-Vision. On PROJECT RUNWAY, Suede was so afraid Suede was going home that he actually slipped and talked about himself in the 1st person. PR started out by showing how expendable models are by kicking 3 of them off the show by letting the designers pick and steal each others' models. Then they didn't even use the models they picked! Then the producers (or whoever the hell is "running" this show) threw the entire chessboard into the air and just randomly tossed stuff together into another pointless unfocused mess of a challenge/episode which had very little to do with modern fashion. Kenley has torn a page out of Tyra's Irrational Crazy Bitch Handbook by acting like she actually knows what "hip hop" is and arguing with Tim Gunn about it. AND, on top of that she actually said that she knows more about hip hop fashion than Tim Gunn. This was a messy episode on so many levels. The runway show was HILARIOUS! Korto, who I love, looked like a pissed off extra from SORDID LIVES. Kenley looked hot on the runway and very pop. Leanne looked like Mary Kate after a ROUGH night. I could "kinda" see the Mary J Blige vibe that Kenley was going for, but the outfit was a wreck. (Leanne didn't help her, but I don't blame her.) Suede rocked the first outfit of Korto's I didn't love. Unfortunately he was styled to look exactly like Alison Moyet circa 1982. Jarell looked hot too, but not over-the-top enough. He was about as rock-n-roll as Leanne was hip hop. The cruelest part was having to get eliminated while wearing a costume on national TV. PR this season has turned into the Kenley Kenley Kenly! hour, and she's not gay, she's gay. TOP DESIGN is a complete clone of PR. The budget, however is over-the-top. The PR designers get $250 to make a $1500 gown and the TD designers get $10,000 to redo a bachelor pad. $999 massage recliner and $9000 flat screen TV. $1 can opener. Done. In addition to the $10K, they get a team of painters, wallpaper hangers, and a seamstress. Daaaamn! These pads better look swank! There were three teams. Once again, there were two "easy" clients, and one impossible client. I wonder who will be going home. One team's self-described theme was: Asian Kanye West; another's was Panty-dropping Chic; and, the final team's theme was Boring and Stupid. To make matters worse, they were the team who bickered throughout the entire episode. Luckily, my favorite hottie designer, Nathan, gained immunity from elimination and despite his team's self-imolation he was spared. Yay. Whew, that was a tiring three hours of high-octane gayness.

H@LY F#CK!NG SH+T

Watch for pig poop falling out of the sky as they fly out of my butt. I never thought I would see the day! Kathy Griffin must be standing on the roof of her house screaming, "I F#CK!NG TOLD YOU SO! I TOLD YOU ALLLL!!" Good for her. Click on the linky and learn more at one of my favorite blogs, Towleroad.Also, please check out the always outrageous Perez Hilton for breaking news on this shocking story.

TV and The Gays

What is it about the gays that makes them such excellent talk show hosts? Both Neil Patrick Harris (who hosted today, pictured to the left with Kelly) and Anderson Cooper (who's a habitual co-hoster) are exceptional co-hosts on LIVE WITH ______ AND KELLY. Whenever they co-host the show it soars. Regis can still host the show in his sleep (thank goodness) and there is no one like Regis, BUT the show takes on an entirely new character when the super gays co-host with Kelly. Kelly is a super fag hag of epic proportions. I get the feeling there's nothing she wouldn't do for the gays. Today, Neil Patrick Harris was hilarious during the host chat. He just kept knocking these witty remarks out of the park. Then once the interviews started, NPH even made Alan Alda seem vaguely interesting. In my mind, NPH made out a little with Jesse McCartney backstage right before he went on, and it was OK with both or their BFs. Anyway, Kelly then took a tour of "the best of" Off Broadway which was fascinating. She did cartwheels at NAKED BOYS SINGING and danced on a wire in a harness against a ginormous mylar scrim in FUERZA BRUTA. I have to find out more about FUERZA BRUTA. It looks incredible! THEN, as if that weren't enough LIVE for a Friday NPH and Kelly went outside (which I love!) to grill with mega-hunk Cameron Matheson. I'd love to taste Cameron Matheson's grilled swordfish. Hot on so many levels. I didn't want the show to end, but then it did. Ugh, now I have to watch THE VIEW.