Don't Get Jealous, Joel

Yes, Joel McHale, you are foxy too. Don't get jealous of my other straight-man crush, Mmmmmorgan Spurlock. There's enough of my misguided love to go around.

My favorite SOUP quotes from this week are:

About David Cook, "There's an American Idol contestant I'd like to have a baby with!"

About the following assortment of items somehow related to a challenge on THE MOLE: an antique battery, a bowler hat, a Bunsen burner, a Victrola, and a goat; Joel said, "Now all we need is a safe word and we can get this party started. Alright!" I love it when Joel talks dirty!

"A SHOT AT LOVE WITH TILA TEQUILA is like FEAR FACTOR if Joe Rogan was a bisexual Asian midget chick... where's my plate of goat taint?!"

I love that he calls Denise Richards: It's Complicated "Denise Richards' Colon... It's Complicated"!

My favorite moment of every week's show is when Joel "takes some E!" and dances around to hot, gay dance beats. I would actually watch a 30 minute show of just that. But, enough about me.

American Snoozinators

Why is AMERICAN GLADIATORS so freakin' boring and lame?! I ask that as someone who's watched every single FEAR FACTOR episode ever and LOVED every second of it. I also used to enjoy AG when it was on originally, and they've barely changed it. So, why was a bored to tears by the first two episodes? I think the show was so far ahead of its time that now it seems cliche and tired. DOG EAT DOG (which was truly awful on SO many levels) was still better than the new AG. Even MXC on SPIKE is better than AG, and it's a straight-up joke. Maybe I'm just disappointed because I was hoping for real live lion attacks on the new AG. I mean, these days, if you're going to call a show AMERICAN GLADIATORS, I kinda want to see some guy get his leg eaten by a lion. I'm sure NBC could find people willing to risk losing their leg to a lion to win enough money to pay off their student loans or mortgage. maybe there should be a show called WHAT WOULD YOU DO FOR A MILLION DOLLARS? This has FOX written all over it! Anyway, sadly, the new AMERICAN GLADIATORS is so lame it only makes me miss all the shows like it that have been canceled. Don't watch it.