Joy Philbin Phan Club!

I LOVE me some Joy Philbin. As much as I love Kelly, I wish Joy would co-host more often. Joy Philbin is a breath of fresh air on TV. She and Regis are so comfortable in front of the camera that anything goes. It makes for very exciting television, especially in the morning. No matter how bat-shit crazy Kathie-Lee Johnson Gifford gets on the 15th hour of the TODAY SHOW, Regis and his old lady have got her beat by a MILE in the entertainment category. Joy co-hosted on today's LIVE WITH REGIS AND KELLY. You can watch the hilarious host-chat online.

Who Wants to Be a Millionare: The Sectional Edition

D! D! The answer is D! Final answer!Um...? All of the above? D? A?To make your own version of WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONARE (or QUI VEUT GAGNER DES MILLIONS) here. Knowing French helps.

Patty's 10 Most Fascinating People of 2008

That loony old bag of bones, Barbara Walters aired her annual cheesefest THE 10 MOST FASCINATING PEOPLE OF THE YEAR last week. According to who? Babs? ABC/Disney? Babs' new BFF (Brown-nosing Freedom Fighter) Elizabitch Hassellcoulter? Here's a list of about 10 people I found fascinating this year. I'm not including political folks in this list because, let's face it --hands down-- the MOST fascinating person of the last two years is President-Elect Barack Obama. Followed closely by Sarah "Crazy Ass" Palin for jus' bein' an Alaskan hockey mom pit bull genius. Followed by John "Where Am I?" McCain for picking that retarded harpy as a running mate. Followed by Hillary "Never Say Die" Clinton for hanging in there until the bitter, bitter end. I respect her more than ever and am THRILLED that she will be our new Secretary of State representing the rebuilding of our international relations after 8 years of severing relations with everyone who used to help and support us. Anyway, on to my own cheesetrainwreck for 2008:
Honorable mentions: Madonna, Joel McHale, Kristin Wiig and Miss Jay Alexander. [Oh shit! I forgot Onch from PARIS HILTON'S BFF.]
10. Nene from THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA seems like the person who got edited into a crazy person on the show, but is more fun in "real life" than "reality tv life." She's the main reason I'm even looking forward to season 2 at all!
9. Bonnie Hunt is taking a big risk jumping on the daytime talk show train, but I love her and I think that she can pull it off. I just hope "the suits" give her time to "grow." Also, she needs to fire her band and get a new one. The one she has looks like some guys who just showed up and might all play the same thing if they feel like it.
8. Christian Siriano because he's fierce personified! He's also the first PROJECT RUNWAY winner to actually flip that win into a career.
7. Tina Fey because she's just too damn funny. She already had a hit show and a shelf full of awards, but when John "Crazy Train" McCain picked Sarah "I Can See Russia From My House" Palin, Fey stepped up to her perform her patriot duty and make merciless fun of that crazy bitch, Palin.
6. Kathy Griffin because she's even funnier than Tina Fey, but in a very different way. She won her 2nd Emmy and got the Grammy nod that she's been shamelessly campaigning for all year.
5. Regis Philbin because he's slowly losing his marbles on live TV every morning yet he still remains a lovable curmudgeon. I've been watching Regis for over 20 years and he's always been feisty, but feisty and forgetful are a dangerous combination. Also, his mispronunciation of even the most "normal" names on the show is becoming a daily joke (that isn't that funny).
4. Kelly Ripa because she's got the toughest 1 hour job on TV. If Regis is the driving force of the show, she's steering. And, if she's the driving force, Regis is hanging on for dear life. Whenever co-hosts join Kelly at the host-chat table (like super duper Anderson Cooper and super sexual Sean William Scott) she brings out the absolute best in them.
3. Maria Menunos because she's EVERYWHERE, and always looking fabulous. She's also unflappable in a highly flappable business.
2. Britney, bitch! because she's Britney, bitch!
1. Amy Winehouse because it's fascinating that she's still alive. I mean she started the year by accepting a couple of Grammys practically from rehab (or house arrest) I forget which! Then she went downhill from there. WAY downhill. She's gone from Grammy winner to crazy lady in her neighbor's bushes in a matter of weeks. Sad but fascinating.

Agree? Disagree? Have your own list? Comment!

Live WIth Regis... Regis?! Yes, Regis and Kel-- What The?!

Today was another busy one for me. I didn't get a chance to watch LIVE WITH ___ & KELLY until after 4PM. Well, imagine my surprise when the "blank" was actually Regis! But then, I was totally freaked out when I did NOT realize that Emily Proctor wasn't Kelly Ripa. Until she opened her mouth, I didn't notice. So, I guess Kelly finally gets a vaca. Good for her. Emily Proctor, though? Oh well, she was pleasant enough. It seems like Kelly can really bring out the "fun" side of people on the show, and Regis is too intimidating to relax with. My take. I always fast forward through the openings of shows like REGIS and ELLEN so I often don't hear who's going to be on unless TiVo tells me or unless the host tells me.

Hurricane Regis

Holy CRAP! Regis Philbin KILLED on THE VIEW today! He's dragging his own show to the bottom of the sea, but he came on THE VIEW like a 25 year old Regis. He dished the dirt. He talked sex. He cracked one-liners that had jaws on the floor. Apparently, 9:00 AM is just to early for poor old Reeg. Then, Barabra Walters said that she thought that "just because of this one" referring to Whoopi Goldberg they (THE VIEW hosts) might win the Emmy this year, and Saint Joy Behar of The Eleven Years hit the ROOF (and understandably so!) She looked Barbara right in the eye and said, "I'll turn on you!" It was scary AND hilarious. I always said that I wouldn't take bets on who would melt down on live TV first, Barb or Reeg. Today, I thought they might both do it on the same show!

Regis Philbin's Underpants

Today was a rare, lucid day for (really) ol' Regis. He and Kelly had a very spirited host chat, which I encourage you to watch online if you have any time to waste today. Of PARTICULAR interest is the section from 8:15 to about 10:50 where they discuss padded male undergarments.

Very Live with Regis and Ke- Joy Philbin!

Even though, I couldn't love Kelly "Crazy Ass" Ripa any more than I do, it's always a wonderful, welcome surprise when Joy Philbin is co-hosting LIVE with Regis. I doubt she knew what she was getting herself into when she agreed to co-host this morning. Today's first 20 minutes were the BEST and WORST the show has ever been! (I think I said that about a show just a few weeks ago too!) I laughed so hard and then I cried. They've pulled some whack-ass stunts on this show. I'm convinced Gelman goes on a shaman retreat once a year and sits in a sweat-lodge until he comes up with ideas like the Yeti give-away, ambush makeovers, and dressing like a woman as often as "comedy" will permit. If you don't watch the show, don't ask. Anyway, today's show was the kind of trainwreck that a show that's been on for 20+ years (that I've been watching semi-religiously since 1987) should never have, which made it ALL the more FUN to watch. But, here's the rub! They didn't post the trainwreck online! And, it's a REAL shame! The online host chat video cuts off right when the show goes off the rails. Shame on your Michael "Shamen" Gelman for taking away the best worst part of today's show! You'll just have to picture Joy Philbin in a beautiful, slinky red dress (that looks pink in the still above) throwing giant chunks of ice at a yeti while wearing giant, bright yellow Platex kitchen gloves. The yeti was wearing a baseball catchers mask but no head piece to the yeti costume. It was like a Fellini circus! It was like a 4th rate reality show! It was glorious. And then someone gave Regis a hammer, and Joy said -- very loudly, with great alarm in her voice, "Who gave Regis a hammer?!" Luckily, no one lost an eye, but it was close at one point. Joy Philbin, you are one classy f*ckin' lady to put up with THAT kind of BS with grace and a sense of humor. Oh my god, it was the BEST and so horrible!!