Live WIth Barack And Kelly

The highlight of my morning (every weekday morning) is the host chat segment of LIVE WITH REGIS & KELLY. However, this week the Reg and Kelly host chat has been pre-empted by President Elect Barack Obama on BOTH Monday and Tuesday. Now, don't get me wrong. I know the country is sliding deeper into the shitter every day and I need to know what's going on, but how am I supposed to take bad news like that without Kelly (and occasionally Regis) to cheer me up. Fortunately, you can watch the host chats online. There's probably just one more show this week. President-Elect Obama, if you're reading this, please schedule your speech tomorrow AFTER host chat! It's only 20-30 minutes. Thank you for listening.

Live WIth Regis... Regis?! Yes, Regis and Kel-- What The?!

Today was another busy one for me. I didn't get a chance to watch LIVE WITH ___ & KELLY until after 4PM. Well, imagine my surprise when the "blank" was actually Regis! But then, I was totally freaked out when I did NOT realize that Emily Proctor wasn't Kelly Ripa. Until she opened her mouth, I didn't notice. So, I guess Kelly finally gets a vaca. Good for her. Emily Proctor, though? Oh well, she was pleasant enough. It seems like Kelly can really bring out the "fun" side of people on the show, and Regis is too intimidating to relax with. My take. I always fast forward through the openings of shows like REGIS and ELLEN so I often don't hear who's going to be on unless TiVo tells me or unless the host tells me.

Regis Philbin's Underpants

Today was a rare, lucid day for (really) ol' Regis. He and Kelly had a very spirited host chat, which I encourage you to watch online if you have any time to waste today. Of PARTICULAR interest is the section from 8:15 to about 10:50 where they discuss padded male undergarments.

Very Live with Regis and Ke- Joy Philbin!

Even though, I couldn't love Kelly "Crazy Ass" Ripa any more than I do, it's always a wonderful, welcome surprise when Joy Philbin is co-hosting LIVE with Regis. I doubt she knew what she was getting herself into when she agreed to co-host this morning. Today's first 20 minutes were the BEST and WORST the show has ever been! (I think I said that about a show just a few weeks ago too!) I laughed so hard and then I cried. They've pulled some whack-ass stunts on this show. I'm convinced Gelman goes on a shaman retreat once a year and sits in a sweat-lodge until he comes up with ideas like the Yeti give-away, ambush makeovers, and dressing like a woman as often as "comedy" will permit. If you don't watch the show, don't ask. Anyway, today's show was the kind of trainwreck that a show that's been on for 20+ years (that I've been watching semi-religiously since 1987) should never have, which made it ALL the more FUN to watch. But, here's the rub! They didn't post the trainwreck online! And, it's a REAL shame! The online host chat video cuts off right when the show goes off the rails. Shame on your Michael "Shamen" Gelman for taking away the best worst part of today's show! You'll just have to picture Joy Philbin in a beautiful, slinky red dress (that looks pink in the still above) throwing giant chunks of ice at a yeti while wearing giant, bright yellow Platex kitchen gloves. The yeti was wearing a baseball catchers mask but no head piece to the yeti costume. It was like a Fellini circus! It was like a 4th rate reality show! It was glorious. And then someone gave Regis a hammer, and Joy said -- very loudly, with great alarm in her voice, "Who gave Regis a hammer?!" Luckily, no one lost an eye, but it was close at one point. Joy Philbin, you are one classy f*ckin' lady to put up with THAT kind of BS with grace and a sense of humor. Oh my god, it was the BEST and so horrible!!

Li'l Anderson. Tee hee.

Anderson Cooper co-hosted LIVE WITH [ANYONE BUT REGIS LATELY] & KELLY, and Coop's never more like a giggly school girl than when he's dishing the dirt and doing Paula Abdul imitations (no lie) with Kelly Ripa. Thank you, Kelly, for making Coop almost comfortable enough to show an emotion. Today's episode was one of the top ten LIVE W/ R&K episodes ever. Sadly, I can't embed the video, but you can see for yourself on the R&K web viewer.

Project Hot Tranny Mess, Girl!

Yay! I'm so happy that Christian Siriano won PROJECT RUNWAY last night. Oh! Don't read this if you haven't already watched the finale. Though, he's on Regis and Kelly (and g-d knows how many other trainwreck chat shows) this morning, so you probably already know.

Despite the fact that I was really upset at about 2/3 of this season's PROJECT RUNWAY episodes because they producers and the judges did not appear to be going to the same meetings. The producers repeatedly threw the contestants to the lions with hare-brained ideas and a half a day to pull them off. I mean, they almost killed Jack Mackenroth for chrissakes.

In the end, all 3 finalists produced GORGEOUS gasp-worthy collections. Though, someone should tell Rami that he's colorblind. I think that Chris' collection was more cohesive and attention-grabbing than Rami's. I think if all 4 "finalists" had walked at Fashion Week, Rami's collection would have stuck out like a sore thumb. It wasn't fashion forward.

I thought Jillian deserved "second place" because her collection could appear in Elle Magazine, while Rami's collection could appear in South Beach Magazine or Palm Beach Magazine. Lovely for 40-50something women of a particular social status. Jillian's collection was fun and the details were fantastic. She should just focus on making knitwear and coats and she'll make millions.

Christian's collection made me gasp out loud a couple of times. And, I really could see Victoria Beckham wearing every one of his pieces. If they knew she was going to be the judge, then Christian had an unfair advantage since he can probably channel her if he concentrates really hard. One thing I really like about reality TV is watching (other) people's dreams come true before their very eyes. And, it's very rare that one ever gets to see a little gay boy's dreams come true before his very eyes. I got emotional when Vicky called Christian's collection, "Major." It was a beautiful life-changing ultragay moment.

And while we're talking about ultragay meowments, please to enjoy this clip of my future husband, Tim Gunn and Christian having an impromptu walk-off. Props to Bravo for continuing to pioneer the frontiers of queer basic cable TV.

Bad Patty

Usually Patricia Heaton makes me itch like chiggers in my pubes. I just do NOT like her. I've NEVER liked her in ANYthing she's been in. Everybody does NOT love Raymond. And Kelsey Grammer is a right-wing nut-job. Anyway, don't fast forward through Patty Heaton on Regis & Kelly today or you'll miss her ribald story about going to a Korean bath. The best acting job she's ever done is her imitation of an old Korean woman shouting "Spread your legs! Spread your legs!"