Levis versus Toughskins

Kathy Griffin "interviewed" Levi Johnston when she filled in for Larry King. She proceeded to verbally "date" him for 10 minutes. It is hilarious, political, raunchy, and - technically - on CNN.

I'll have some of whatever she's smokin'! :-)

Grammys and Jesus to Kathy Griffin: SUCK IT!

The Sectional is sad to report that Kathy Griffin's dream of winning a Grammy has come to an end... at least for this year. I'm sure she'll have lots to say about being beaten out for the Grammy by a dead guy (George Carlin). We're afraid to ask what she'll do next year to get Grammy voters' attention. But, we can't wait to watch! Sorry, Kathy. WE still love you!

Anderson Cuter

Super Duper Anderson Cooper has broken through some sort of news/entertainment hymen to become both adorable AND trustworthy (as well as sexually ambiguous, vexingly enigmatic, and downright girly) at the same time, on air! The seriousness and gravity of a Walter Cronkite type news delivery system seems so "old man" and too scary for America. Andy Cooper (as La Griffin calls him) is so "versatile" that he can report about Middle East politics and also host CNN's historic first First Family Puppy "Debate."

Speaking of La Griffin (aren't we always?!) she was on JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE (Again!? Is her house like right up the street from his studio?) She talks about hosting New Year's Eve on CNN with "Andy."

More!

And, I could watch this clip all day! Happy Friday!

Was I High On Crack Or Was CNN?

Kathy Griffin was ON FIRE New Year's Eve in Times Square on CNN's downright trippy coverage of NYE around the globe. La Griffin was SO beautifully out-of-her-mind Anderson Cooper could BARELY keep up. She kept that closeted sex-machine on his toes for 2 hours of freezing cold LIVE tv. She kept CNN on their toes too! I have to say that it may have been the BEST Kathy has EVER looked on tv, and she was the BEST thing about the show. Any time they cut away to the crowd or another location, it was dead air. Anderson and Kathy had an infectious repartee that really made their interactions riveting. I couldn't have changed the channel if I wanted to. Kathy was IN CHARGE! Bravo, girl!

OH, but it gets SO much better! I missed this in the original broadcast. Thank you YouTube!

2009 Will Be a Let Down After This

Whoever is in charge at CNN and paired Super Duper Extra Sexy Closeted Anderson Cooper with Kathy God Damn Griffin deserves a special Emmy award. It just doesn't get any better! If Lance Bass shows up, I'll poop myself! I am going to TiVo the crap outta this show! Though, I'll probably be at home watching it on TiVo anyway. I'm not one for big holiday parties. I'm a nester. Only a Platinum Club Fag Hag like Griffin (and Kelly Ripa) can bring the big ol' gurl in Anderson out. Anderson is a giggling mess after 20 minutes with Griffin or Ripa. I'm hopin' and prayin' that when Regin tosses in the towel on his 25+ year LIVE morning TV show, that Anderson Cooper will replace him. I don't wish Regis ill, I just hope Coop gets his host chair when Regis moves on to a twice nightly show at the Trump Palace in Atlantic City. The countdown to New Year's Eve with Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin is ON, bitches!

Patty's 10 Most Fascinating People of 2008

That loony old bag of bones, Barbara Walters aired her annual cheesefest THE 10 MOST FASCINATING PEOPLE OF THE YEAR last week. According to who? Babs? ABC/Disney? Babs' new BFF (Brown-nosing Freedom Fighter) Elizabitch Hassellcoulter? Here's a list of about 10 people I found fascinating this year. I'm not including political folks in this list because, let's face it --hands down-- the MOST fascinating person of the last two years is President-Elect Barack Obama. Followed closely by Sarah "Crazy Ass" Palin for jus' bein' an Alaskan hockey mom pit bull genius. Followed by John "Where Am I?" McCain for picking that retarded harpy as a running mate. Followed by Hillary "Never Say Die" Clinton for hanging in there until the bitter, bitter end. I respect her more than ever and am THRILLED that she will be our new Secretary of State representing the rebuilding of our international relations after 8 years of severing relations with everyone who used to help and support us. Anyway, on to my own cheesetrainwreck for 2008:
Honorable mentions: Madonna, Joel McHale, Kristin Wiig and Miss Jay Alexander. [Oh shit! I forgot Onch from PARIS HILTON'S BFF.]
10. Nene from THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA seems like the person who got edited into a crazy person on the show, but is more fun in "real life" than "reality tv life." She's the main reason I'm even looking forward to season 2 at all!
9. Bonnie Hunt is taking a big risk jumping on the daytime talk show train, but I love her and I think that she can pull it off. I just hope "the suits" give her time to "grow." Also, she needs to fire her band and get a new one. The one she has looks like some guys who just showed up and might all play the same thing if they feel like it.
8. Christian Siriano because he's fierce personified! He's also the first PROJECT RUNWAY winner to actually flip that win into a career.
7. Tina Fey because she's just too damn funny. She already had a hit show and a shelf full of awards, but when John "Crazy Train" McCain picked Sarah "I Can See Russia From My House" Palin, Fey stepped up to her perform her patriot duty and make merciless fun of that crazy bitch, Palin.
6. Kathy Griffin because she's even funnier than Tina Fey, but in a very different way. She won her 2nd Emmy and got the Grammy nod that she's been shamelessly campaigning for all year.
5. Regis Philbin because he's slowly losing his marbles on live TV every morning yet he still remains a lovable curmudgeon. I've been watching Regis for over 20 years and he's always been feisty, but feisty and forgetful are a dangerous combination. Also, his mispronunciation of even the most "normal" names on the show is becoming a daily joke (that isn't that funny).
4. Kelly Ripa because she's got the toughest 1 hour job on TV. If Regis is the driving force of the show, she's steering. And, if she's the driving force, Regis is hanging on for dear life. Whenever co-hosts join Kelly at the host-chat table (like super duper Anderson Cooper and super sexual Sean William Scott) she brings out the absolute best in them.
3. Maria Menunos because she's EVERYWHERE, and always looking fabulous. She's also unflappable in a highly flappable business.
2. Britney, bitch! because she's Britney, bitch!
1. Amy Winehouse because it's fascinating that she's still alive. I mean she started the year by accepting a couple of Grammys practically from rehab (or house arrest) I forget which! Then she went downhill from there. WAY downhill. She's gone from Grammy winner to crazy lady in her neighbor's bushes in a matter of weeks. Sad but fascinating.

Agree? Disagree? Have your own list? Comment!

Happy Friday, Bitches!

I know, I know! It's Kathy Griffin overload, but she's f#ckin' funny as hell. In case you don't watch THE TONIGHT SHOW (because it's more offensive than funny) here's a clip of La Griffin from the other night. Listen closely at the very beginning, does Jay say, "...Kathy Griffith"? I think he does.

I'm working on my "10ish Most Fascinating People of 2008 List." Kathy's on it. Barbara Walters is NOT. Stay tuned, potatoes.

Get Ready To Suck It Again, Jesus!

That's right, bitches! The National Academy of Recording Arts & Sciences (the Grammy people) have announced the list of nominees for this year's TON of awards, and Kathy Goddamn Griffin got herself a nomination. Now all she's gotta do is reel that baby in! Oh Lord (who I don't believe in), please let the producers of the Grammy Award Telecast be people who have been living under a rock for the past few years, and Lord (who I still don't believe in), please let them give Kathy her award on LIVE(ish) network TV. If you let Kathy Griffin give an acceptance speech on the Grammy Awards Telecast I will never take your name in vain, even though I don't believe you exist. And, your son had better get ready to suck it!

Rosie O'Donnell's LIVE Variety Extravaganza (with Liza Minnelli fer f#ck's sake!)

Tonight is the night you've been waiting for! [SCROLL DOWN FOR MY REACTION TO THE SHOW]

I don't even know where to begin with what could be either the biggest train wreck or the greatest moment of entertainment this season on TV. Guests include Liza Freakin' Minnelli, Kathy Godamn Griffin, Alec Baldwin, Alanis Morrissette, Jane Krakowski, Ne-Yo, Rachael Ray (BARF!), Harry Connick Jr., and The Gaiken (on the same show as Kathy Godamn Griffin). My TiVo says the show is only 60 minutes which seems short to me, but we'll see. Does anyone know if this is a "one off" show or will Rosie be having more live extravaganzas in the future? Rosie was on Conan O'Brien recently and said that Barbara Walters HAAAATES her and apparently said so on THE VIEW recently. I'd love to see Rosie (and fellow B. Wal hatee Kathy Godamn Griffin) skewer the old bag of bones, but Rosie told Conan that even though B. Wal HAAAATES her, she has too much respect for her as a journalist to return her fire. Tune in tonight a 8PM (or at another time if you live in the middle).

So, I watched the show... Rosie looked great. Fantastic makeup. I loved the opening number with Liza Minnelli. I saw Liza on Broadway in like 2000, and it looked like she'd be in the ground by intermission. But, she's risen and fallen a few times since then and tonight she rose from the grave (right onto Rosie's stage) and sang her skinny old ass off. Though Rosie sounded awful, Liza more than made up for it. Way to start a show! Talk about variety! First, Alec Baldwin came out, looked HUGE, and kept almost motorboating Rosie's ample bosom. Conan O'Brien arrived, looked like a stick figure, got hit in the face with a pie, and then left. Some little tiny children looking people tap danced, then two really gay looking guys did some crazy dancing that was an odd mix of SO YOU THINK YOU CAN RIVERDANCE. Jane Krakowski showed up and did a saucy Carol Merrill Broadway striptease while giving away a ton of free crap to the audience. That was surreal in a way I wasn't expecting. Then a paunchy Gaiken come on in his SPAMALOT costume. His hair looked like Kathy Griffin's hair when she hasn't had her hair or makeup done. Ne Yo sang a song. It wasn't bad. He sounded good. Nancy Grace popped up on a giant screen and then Kathy Griffin came out "doing" a flawless Nancy Grace impression (which I saw her do live on Saturday). Harry Connick Jr. came out dressed as Santa (sorta) and promoted his new Christmas CD and then "sang" (though he looked like he was having a grand mal seizure when he sang). Then the show took a crazy turn into "variety" territory with an ecstacy flashback involving WAY too much motion for my old brain to process: cowboys, hula hoops, segways, and asian chicks. Lots of spinning things. After the break, Rosie did a bit where she was dressed as a cop followed by Alanis Morrisette looking like Jennifer Anniston. She sounded great, but I wanted to kill myself about 30 seconds into her touching, introspective dirge. Gawdblesser, but she's kinda like Tori Amos without any balls. Gloria Estefan came out and did a lame-ass joke then sang with Rosie. Their voices sounded better than the Liza number, though it lacked the same pizzazz. Plus, I hate Gloria Estefan almost as much as Sharon Stone. Oh shit, I'm hallucinating now. There's giant dancing food. Worse yet, Rachel Ray popped out carrying a HUGE (fake) turkey. God damn I hate that bitch, Rachel Ray. But despite RR and Glofan, I enjoyed the show and would watch it again. Did you watch it? Did you enjoy it, or do you want that hour of your life back?

Through With THE VIEW

(click on the photos to make them bigger) I am through watching women I used to respect being berated in a disgustingly disrespectful manner every morning on THE VIEW. Elizabeth Hasselbeck's only "claim to fame" is as a losing contestant on a reality game show as Kathy Griffin recently pointed out. Ms. Griffin goes on to say "This notion that everyone has to be quiet and listen to Hasselbeck is out of control. I am not sure why [Barbara Walters] treats her like a rock star." Which brings me to my next point. It's so difficult to watch such a pioneer in journalism like Barbara Walters be daily dragged down into the muck of Hasselcoulter's robotic Republican propaganda. Joy Behar has had to put up with A LOT during her 11 years on THE VIEW and here recent nights on CNN filling in for Larry King, but nothing has compared to the daily assault by Hasselbitch. Even Whoopi Goldberg, who is usually so well-spoken and level-headed appears to be flummoxed by Hasselcoulter's venom and machine-gun style of dominating a conversation. And, it's not that Hasselcoulter is a rabid Republican mouthpiece, it's that she's the WORST kind of rabid Republican mouthpiece and she will not shut up! E.D. Hill from Fox News (of all places) was a guest host on THE VIEW one day when Hasselcoulter was "caring" for her "children," and even though E.D. Hill is probably at least as crazy for McCain/Palin/Bush/Cheney 2008 ticket as Hasselcoulter, BUT she let the other ladies speak! She let them SHARE their opinions. It was a day of pointed conversation that didn't make me want to shoot myself in the face. It's not Hasselcoulter's views, it's her. On Friday, when Elizabitch said unequivocally that she was staying on THE VIEW, I couldn't take any more. I immediately changed my TiVo season pass to record THE PRICE IS RIGHT instead of THE VIEW. Why put myself through the daily stomach-churning frustrating disgusting display on THE VIEW when I can watch old ladies and cute frat guys win "fabulous" prizes on TPIR?! And, every Friday, I'll check out Hunk du Jour for the weekly wrap-up of my favorite TPIR hotties. Sorry Barbara Walters, but you handed your 11 year ratings Juggernaut to an inexperienced Republican robot and I'm done.

H@LY F#CK!NG SH+T

Watch for pig poop falling out of the sky as they fly out of my butt. I never thought I would see the day! Kathy Griffin must be standing on the roof of her house screaming, "I F#CK!NG TOLD YOU SO! I TOLD YOU ALLLL!!" Good for her. Click on the linky and learn more at one of my favorite blogs, Towleroad.Also, please check out the always outrageous Perez Hilton for breaking news on this shocking story.

Suck It Harder, Jesus!

Congratulations to Kathy Griffin on her second Emmy win for MY LIFE ON THE D-LIST, which is the BEST celebreality show on TV. And, we all win because she sat down with Ross Matthews (love him!) for a chat. Here's Part One of the three part interview. Please visit my buddies at Towleroad for parts two and three. I love how KG isn't afraid to show up on Ross' blog without any makeup on. She's just a regular gal... with two Emmy awards. I bought my tickets for one of her FOUR almost sold out shows in Seattle at a 3000 seat theatre. I think EVERY gay man in Seattle will be there over the 3 nights. $80+ frickin' dollars. That bitch better drop the F-bomb at least 80 times!

Thank you -- all 3 of you -- for your support

Due to the heartfelt protestations of threes of people, THE SECTIONAL is back for a once-a-week wrap up.

SYTYCD - What's the point without Thayne? And then I get a "bad vibe" about Jessica leaving the show and Comfort returning. It feels TO ME like the producers realized that Jessica got a free pass being paired with Will, and decided to make a slight correction. Kinda like the Supreme Court appointing Bush instead of Gore in 2000. Gee I wonder how things would have turned out for the world if THAT B.S. hadn't gone down. We're so used to it now (after Diebold handed the 2004 election to Bush against the wishes of the people again), that we don't bat an eye when it happens on a FOX dance reality show. Anyway, as they say, on with the show...

I just have to say again that Cat Deeley looked FANTASTIC one night (blue dress) and HORRIFIC (gold dress) the other night. Can't the stylists on this show find some happy medium between whore/drag queen and Beyonce/drag queen? Click the pics for larger views.

In order, here are my favorite pair numbers:
3)Joshua & Courtney's first number which featured great choreography and HOT dancing.
2)Gev & Kortnee's second number was SUPER!
1)Kattee & Will's first number was BY FAR the best of the night. I LOVED it. Tyce rocketed to the top of my husbands list based mostly on this number (see right column).
Solos:
10) Chelsie - Zzzzzz
9) Kherrington - ZZZZZZ
8) Gev - Started slow, but ended pretty good.
7) Comfort - Zzzzzz. No energy. Lame.
6) Joshua - great tricks, BUT laaaame transitions. like he walked from trick to trick.
5) Katee - not nearly as good as I was expecting
4) Courtney - BAAAAD song. Gooooood dance!
3) Will - BAD music, but good leaps. He has power, but also attitude.
2) Mark - Thayne who? Loooove Mark!
1) Twitch - BEST SOLO of the night, and I would have sent him home last week.

One of my favorite numbers from this season was the Bollywood number on the results show this week.

The Mia Michaels number with the top 5 girls was soooo beautiful, but the direction was downright shitty! It almost ruined the number for me. Ugh and MORE Celine Dion. Christ! Can we have a legal LIMIT on the amount of Celine per episode. I'd prefer the limit be ZERO, but that's just me.
So, as evidenced by the fact that they were both in my personal "Bottom 3" (see above) I'm perfectly happy to see Gev and Khrerrington go home.

My Favorite Site of the Week - omnomnomnom.com

Kathy Griffin is actually too funny. It is possible, and it is happening weekly on her show.


BIG BROTHER 10 - Renny must die. Jesse must strip and be ridden by Gay Rodeo Racist (with or without a saddle, I don't care)! Good lord the puppet show was hilarious. There are HOURS of puppet shows on YouTube. Yay! More Jesse! I hope his HOH room has many half-nude photos of him. That dude who went home bit off a little more than he could chew. He needs to learn lesson #1 in Patty's Reality Show 101 Guide: Lay low, loud mouth!

If you live in West Seattle, be sure to stop by my soon to be growing Zombie Garden.

Coming soon: Tori & Dean & Rob & Big

Coming sooner: Project Runway (I'm busy, people! No time for TiVo -- heresy I know!)

Kathy Griffin IS Like Jesus Only Prettier

Here's a re-post of my original posting (March 12, 2008) from Rosie's blog when Kathy Griffin came to visit wearing Carolina Herrera. Sections of the chat from the blog in question aired tonight on MY LIFE ON THE D-LIST on BRAVO. Kathy Griffin is the funniest woman currently alive. Why Chelsea F#cking Handler has a "nightly" semi-regular show and Kathy Griffin doesn't is beyond me! Kathy Griffin should have a nightly talk show on Bravo. Hello, Bravo, have you seen this clip?! Are you there, Bravo? It's me, Patty. Andy Cohen, call me! I'll produce the show! Kathy Griffin: Nightly, Bitches!

There is NOTHING but CRAP on TV lately, and I would watch an hour (40 minutes on TiVo) of this EVERY morning! More Rosie, PLEASE!

Why isn't THIS a SHOW?!?!

There is NOTHING but CRAP on TV lately, and I would watch an hour (40 minutes on TiVo) of this EVERY morning! More Rosie, PLEASE!