Happy Friday, Gaytatoes!

My friends on Facebook shared this with me. Gay stereotypes are only funny on Friday, so I saved it until today. Kudos to the filmmaker!

AMERICAN IDOL RESULTS SHOW: 5 minutes of show 55 minutes of filler

Brooke "Village of the Damned" "Whitey" White (pictured with her family left) was this week's "encouraging" past IDOL loser trotted out to give the 9 losers from tonight's show hope that there is a depressing, hollow life after IDOL. Of course Brooke White was depressing and hollow before IDOL too. Where the F#CK is Ramiele Malubay?! You know I love me some Ramiele Malubay! Adam is emerging as one of my early favorites. He's a real showman like Blake Lewis and Chris Daughtry. Even if he doesn't win, this show will make him. Otherwise, there are still too many people on the show for me to keep straight in my mind. All the rest are one big blur of fake hair, fake tans, and deer-in-the-headlights eyes.P.S. - See last night's post. I so totally called the results! :-)

Noel Coward's Nick and Norman on AMERICAN IDOL

The 2 hour show's first watchable performance was the tasmanian devilish performance of Nick or Norman who did one of AMERICAN IDOL's most entertaining versions of "And I'm Telling You." But cha had to see it to believe it. I'd almost consider voting for him if I cared enough to pick up my cell phone which is 1 foot away from me right now. I don't. The first three performances were god-awful! Matt G butchered a Coldplay song. It was worse than karaoke. Then Jeanine did a belly flop into a Maroon 5 song. Jasmine was the least awful of the three. IDOL producers also did away with the awkward "red room" post-performance family interviews. Hmmm. Didn't I suggest that last week? One of my biggest beefs with the show is how Ryan can be kinda a dick to terrified performers about to go out and perform for the first time on live TV. Who TF comes up with the inane and unanswerable questions Ryan asks the performers and their relations?! "How does it feel to be here?!" It's indescribable, Ryan. To even try to describe it is to ruin it, so thanks for that. Then FINALLY, almost an hour into the show, Allison came out and KILLED it. She ROCKED a Heart song, which is not easy to do. Give her a good dye-job and she could be a hit. Kris also rocked it, a Michael Jackson song no less. He did just enough to make it different without ruining the original. Megan was just OK. Matt the welder was boring and he can't move behind the mic. He looked like a hefty robot trying to dance. Jesse did a VERY karaoke version of a song that should be added to the list of songs one should NEVER sing on IDOL, "Bette Davis Eyes." You just can't make the song sound "current" and the band's lame-ass arrangement doesn't help. Kai -- who I don't remember from any show before tonight -- sleepwalked through another karaoke performance of a stale Motown hit. I didn't care for him or his stealing the haircut I had in 1991. Zzzzz. I wanted to like Mishavonna, but her song choice was lackluster to say the least. She just didn't shine. And then there was Adam Lambert -- aka Mr. Musical Theatre -- who chose to sing a Rolling Stones song, "Satisfaction." And like Constantine Maroulis risen from the grave, Adam kinda rocked it in a very good over-the-top performance. It was pretty good over all, though. It was the second most entertaining performance of the night after Nick and Norman. Paula wanted to lay Adam down and make sweet love to him on the stage. (Maybe Randy did too.) It's pretty clear that the producers arrange the performances based on their rehearsals. Who did you like? Who did you hate? Who will keep you up at night?

Oh right! The Oscars happened.

This was my favorite Oscars telecast in decades. Hugh Jackman was a slightly surprisingly perfect host. He sang, he danced, and he joked.
And even the Academy joked. This was the funniest part of a pretty funny show.I couldn't find a great photo of Lance Black or Sean Penn, but MILK's wins touched my heart. Kate Winslet also deserved this Oscar sooooo bad that I was thrilled for her win.These photos are from a STUNNING collection by the AP. See all the incredible pics here.

The Credit Crisis in 11 Minutes

Or how George W. Bush, Alan Greenspan, and a bunch of greedy millionaires and billionaires bilked this country out of our future.

Have a FIERCE Friday, potatoes!

Pam, Richie, and Amanda (and about 32 pounds of silicone) send kisses and blessings upon your Fierce Friday! Get out there and show the world your inner Amanda, or Pam, or Richie.

American Idol Live Part 2: Annoying

Wednesday night's IDOL can be summed up in one word: ugh. It was a random whirl of commercialism with commercials. The AMERICAN IDOL EXPERIENCE at MGM/Disney in Florida!? I'm scared. Wednesday night's show was padded with faux FOX drama to the bursting point. Padding included losing contestants from last season, maybe as a way to say to tonight's losers, "See if you're nice to the producers, you may be able to milk this 15 minutes for a few more seconds." How does the whole wild card show work? Will Tatiana get yet another chance to show America her strong Latina side? Will Anoop who was narrowly beat out by deeply ingrained American racism be invited back for another chance? Who IS eligible for that? We'll find out...

... after the break!

American Idol Live Part 1: Messy

AMERICAN IDOL's first live show of the season was a technical and production nightmare. What a MESS! It speaks to Seacrest's talent as a show host that he's so easily able to roll with the punches. It got so bad at one point that a crew member could be heard shouting live on TV at Ryan, "Go to package! Go to package!" Despite the train wreck going on behind the scenes and in the audio booth, MOST of the contestants brought their "A" game. We'll see how Thursday night's show goes. It's on on the East Coast right now. But, let's gawk at Tuesday night's pileup. The musical arrangements are once again totally awful! The karaoke arrangements played by the invisible band don't help the contestants who are verging on karaoke performances. The band sounds like a cheap-ass back-up band at a wedding, bar mitzvah, or other budget celebration. A glassy-eyed Paula Abdul dripping in her own jewelery designs (available on HSN.com) delivered some bad news on Tuesday night, so all the judges got in a few punches. A few of of the contestants even deserved their lumps. I haaated Stevie Wright who butchered a Taylor Swift song. Is that like pooping on poop? She rushed through the song like she had someplace to be. And when Ryan Seacrest throws you a full-on pity party in the "red room" you know your days are numbered. Also awful was Brent Keith's half-hearted "Hicktown" attempt at grabbing the hick vote. I didn't hate Casey Carlson the first time I watched her sing "Every Little Thing HE Does is Magic" by the Police. It could be a pop single in Europe, but the more I thought about it (and watched it again) it seemed like an admission that she didn't really have any knowledge of musical history. I'm old. Sue me. My favorites were (in no particular order) Anoop's Monica cover (sooo sexy!), Stephen Fowler's "Rock With You" which the judges haaaated, Sexy religious widower Danny sang the F#CK out one of my favorite songs, and even Tatiana was good. When did she become a strong (sane) Latina?! She could actually sing, but it did seem like she was a completely different person. How do you solve a problem like Tatiana? FOX made her look like an unholy freak of nature in the pre-taped summer auditions, and then the judges are surprised when Tatiana reels it in and presents herself a bit more professionally?! Humph! So let's see what happens on Wednesday, potatoes!

Joy Philbin Phan Club!

I LOVE me some Joy Philbin. As much as I love Kelly, I wish Joy would co-host more often. Joy Philbin is a breath of fresh air on TV. She and Regis are so comfortable in front of the camera that anything goes. It makes for very exciting television, especially in the morning. No matter how bat-shit crazy Kathie-Lee Johnson Gifford gets on the 15th hour of the TODAY SHOW, Regis and his old lady have got her beat by a MILE in the entertainment category. Joy co-hosted on today's LIVE WITH REGIS AND KELLY. You can watch the hilarious host-chat online.

SNL: First Cough

This Saturday's episode of SNL was inexplicably lame. Though, to be honest, I can't point at any one thing. I mean, obviously, I hate Jonas Brothers more than anyone else in music ever. They are just SO bad. In a show with Alec Baldwin, Cameron Diaz, and Dan Akroyd I'm not sure how the show just laid there gasping for breath. I love the Vincent Price Show spoofs. Tonight, Liberace was the best, but Alec Baldwin did a scarily subtle and brilliant Dick Burton. The show was occasionally clever. I also still do not care for Weekend Update with Seth Meyers. Looooorne, Wiig me!!
Wii Guys:

B.S. Galactica: The "My Dinner With Andre" Episode

Last night on B.S. GALACTICA, the stupidest most asinine show on television this "season," Wallace Shawn and Andre Gregory (pictured left) chatted it up for an entire hour. For a "sci-fi" show, there is a LOT more "fi" than "sci" so far this season. With the rich storyline gold of finding Earth (in ruins no less!), somehow this season has drifted off into space fulfilling Seth Green's prophecy on ROBOT CHICKEN that the identities of the Cylons is simply pulled out of a hat by the producers. Last night's episode which was 99.999% exposition delivered by the weakest actors on the show revealed a LOT of stuff. Starting with... Ellen?! Really?! Sheesh! And now there's ANOTHER Cylon we didn't know about? Is this NBC or FOX? Wait, there's one more surprise! The fracking ship itself, the USS Battlestar Galactica, is now going to become part Cyclon. If I hadn't invested seven years of my life watching 3.75 seasons of this show, I'd just stop right now. I would have stopped 2 minutes into Starbuck's husband's (ex-husband's) visions. Christ on a cracker, anyone on this show who "has a vision" is suddenly the frackin' savior of the species-es. And, are there two species-es of Cylon? Or 1 or 3 or 8? No one knows! I'm SO sad to have to witness the destruction of a once-great TV show in its final 10 episodes. I hope Adama and Ellen blow each other to smithereens. Neither "race" deserves to live after last night's episode!

Happy Friday Angelina Jolie!

As I've mentioned before, I worship the videotape Jeanne Moos of CNN walks on! Here's another dry comment on the insanity that is our world. Congratulations Angelina Jolie, you now have the most famous stalker since Jodie Foster. Yikes! Joan Rivers said today on THE BONNIE HUNT SHOW while talking about Octomom's denial of having plastic surgery that, "She should have those lips sewn shut" gesturing to her face, "and THOSE lips sewn shut too!" gesturing to her vajayjay. She went on to say that the only other woman to have 8 people inside her was Paris Hilton. Now on to Jeanne Moos...

Now THAT's a Survivor!

Now in its 52nd season on stick-in-the-mud network CBS, SURVIVOR has become TV's ultimate survivor. The only reason to watch early episodes each season is for Jeff Probst's snippy remarks to the shell-shocked, filthy, starving contestants. The show's original mind-numbing predictability has given way to a throw-the-chessboard-into-the-air chaos each episode with completely erasing the lines of the game. SURVIVOR continues to feel very planned-out. I guess you have to plan pretty carefully to take a couple hundred people to the Tocantins for 60 days or so. I'm sure it would ruin the "magic" but I would love to see a behind-the-scenes season of SURVIVOR and/or a behind-the-scenes season of THE AMAZING RACE. The shows themselves have become pretty boring, but I sure would love to see each episode followed by a "how'd they did it" hour. Along those lines, the Probster, is blogging on EW.com about this season. Check it out.

David Letterman's Most Uncomfortable Interviews

How to torpedo your career in about 5 minutes.

Farah, hand the crack pipe to Whitney Houston and step away from the TV camera!

Just ONE of the MANY reason I love Drew Barrymore.

And, here's the MOTHERLODE of uncomfortable interviews! Madonna on Letterman in 1994 dropping F-Bombs like the Taliban!

Change Comes To America... n Idol

No American institution is immune to the wave of change sweeping across America under our new President Ryan Seacrest. Tonight's "Final Round" of Hollywood Week on AMERICAN IDOL was oozing change. No more weird A CHORUS LINE-like spare rehearsal studio. Now the judges lounge like kings and queens in overstuffed chairs in "The Judges' Mansion" making teens and those who the teens have passed by battle each other for a spot on this season show. The Judges Mansion?! What the hell? Do they all live there during the show? Will there be a spin-off show? Do they have "swinging" parties at this "judges' mansion"? Also, Fox should get its money back from whoever upholstered those judges thrones. Tacky and sloppy workmanship. Anyway, also new to the show this year is the "sing off" where the judges pitted contestants against each other and put them on the spot to sing a song to stay on the show. The "sing off" portion of the two hour show was the most stomach churning. Then when the judges FINALLY deliver the news, they pull that tension-building crap by stalling the delivery of the good new with a fake out, "We don't have good news for you..." The contestant is in tears and about to pass out. Then the judges all look sad and then say "...we have GREAT news for you! You're in!" Then the contestant has a spaz attack! The judging panel had a very ANTM feeling (and that is NOT a step UP for AMERICAN IDOL). They have the tough task of "narrowing" the field down to 36. 36!? That's bigger than a football team isn't it? How long is this show gonna be on?! Until next February?! Bat-shit crazy, Tatiana, is this season's Sanjaya Jaya Binks. She's a kook! Rosie O'Donnell's prodigy Von Smith made it through. Sexy, god-loving widower Danny Gokey is gonna be a "story" this season. Anoop Desai is like a gag from a HAROLD AND KUMAR movie, but he can definitely rock out. I'm also keeping my eye on social outcast and Heatherette model (in his own mind), Nathaniel Marshall. Since we've only seen about 10 of the final 36 actually sing, the next few weeks may actually get this Spruce Goose of a season off the ground (or water or whatever). Who do you like? Who do you love? Who do you hate? Can you believe that sexy-god-loving-widower's BFF weird-facial-piercings-guy didn't make it?!

Does Anyone Still Wear A HAT!?!

Elaine Stritch is playing "Royce" in "Royce: The Musical!" featuring the hit song "Quando Quando." Coming to a screen (of some sort) near you.

YouTube is better than TV.

M.I.A. Holds Her Water

Did ANYTHING else happen at the Grammys besides THIS!? (the answer is NO!) M.I.A. showed up 9 1/2 months pregnant looking as big as Wynonna or the Goodyear Blimp. But M.I.A. not only pulled it off, she ROCKED IT! She looked gorgeous, and she sounded better than the multi-platinum misogynists sharing the stage with her. You GO, girl! No, you GO and give birth! NOW!
Now seems like a good time to mention that when you are 9 1/2 months pregnant and you are performing on stage at the Staples Center and on International TV (with a bunch of mysoginists who sound like crap!) you can wear WHATEVER you want. That is a right granted by the Constitution. Look it up!

Grammycast 2009

U2 kicked ass even though they are finally starting to look their age. And then. Ok. Um, they announced Whitney Houston but Dionne Warwick walked out. And, the bitch seemed high. High. She sounded like she had a Kool waiting for her in an ashtray just off stage. I'm glad Jennifer Hudson won and gave a very moving thank you. Then The Rock came out and did his Shatner impersonation. Yikes! I liked Timberlake and the Rev. Al Green. Chris Martin sounded good, but the rapper with him (Kanye? Jay Z? Who was that?!) was awful. Dreadful! Coldplay sounded good, but I just can't (ever) get excited about them. Even seeing Chris Martin's pubes wasn't exciting. Do they give away any Grammys? Carrie Underwood looked like White Trash Beyoncé, and I kinda mean that in a good way. I think she always sounds great. Good for her. Then finally one more award. Country. Moving on... Al Green came back with Duffy to sing and give the award for song of the year to Coldplay. Zzzz. Kid Rock. ZZZZZZ. Taylor Swift and Miley "It's Miley!!" Cyrus did a touching and repulsively "christiany" country-ish song about what it's like to be 15 years old, even though they both look 20+ and act 30+. Then the tweens gave an award to some really old people: Alison Kraus and Robert Plant. Then Jennifer Hudson came out and showed that she will not be stopped. She REALLY should stick to singing and give up acting, but girlfriend can sing! UGH! The Jonas Brothers and Stevie Wonder performing together?! Even a blind man can see the Jonas Brothers are the WORST thing to happen to music since Milli Vanilli. OH how I wanted to projectile vomit during their number. Blink 182 showed up to announce they're back together. Travis Barker looked good but a bit shaken. Coldplay won again. I was shocked. Fast forwarding... Craig Ferguson (is he still on CBS?!) came out to share some humor in bad taste, flub his lines, and introduce the wonderful Katy Perry, who I love more every time I see her. Or maybe I just love the fag who's dressing her. Estelle sang "American Boy" assisted by Kanye West in a black mullet. They sounded OK. Best New Artist went to Adele!! Yay! I LOVE me some Adele! She looked gorgeous as usual. She's only 19! Damn! She's so cute! She mentioned (sort of as if she was embarrassed to) that she "loved" the Jonas Brothers. Legally, she could have consentual sex with 2 of the Jonas brothers, I think. Have fun at the after party! Kenny Chesney gives me the CREEPS! Natalie Cole came out with what looked like a nip slip, Puffy, and Herbie Hancock to award Record of The Year to a crazy list of nominees. ALL over the map. Alison Kraus and Robert Plant won again. Are ALL Grammy members folk singers? What gives?! Queen Latifah came out looking good, but not looking thinner for her Jenny Craig campaign. She awkwardly mentioned something about Dean Martin, and then introduced an all-star "rap pack" lead off by a VERY pregnant M.I.A. She looked hilarious but GREAT! She was followed by Kanye and some other big-time rappers. Didn't sound so great. Kinda dumb to do black and white in the age of HD. Was that Jay Z? Is he rapping again? Beyoncé can't be THAT expensive! Kate Beckinsale showed up for no apparent reason to introduce Sir Paul McCartney, who I am SO tired of! Moving on... Jack Black and Charlie Hayden (sp?) his father-in-law came out to do more boring Grammy crap. Then they gave out the Best Male Pop Vocal Grammy to... John Mayer. WOW! I did NOT see THAT coming. Neither did Paul McCartney. Lame speech. A drunk Jay Mohr and a cool (natch!) LL Cool J introduced Sugarland (Zzzz) and then Adele. Adele sounded perfect as usual. Love her voice. Then Sugarland joined Adele for no reason. Grammys! Stop it! Gwenyth came out in a hot little dress and 18 pairs of panty hose to introduce Radiohead and a marching band. Gwentyh is SO hip. The performance was no "Jill Scott and Blue Man Group" but it was interesting. Justin Timberlake was back to rap with some guy. They were NOT in sync and sounded weird. Maybe it was me. The Grammy big-cheese came out and pointed out that Obama had won 2 Grammys. He then called for a Secretary of Arts to be added to the cabinet. I'm so tired of the show even though I've been fast forwarding through MUCH of it. The Four Tops tribute was good but didn't thrill me. Speaking of not thrilling me, Josh Groban came out... on to the stage to introduce Neil Diamond. Ok. Sure, I'm always up for Neil Diamond. His "rousing" performance of "Sweet Caroline" was so karaoke it was almost meta. Then they showed the memorial reel to those who've passed away this past year. The following are people I thought were already dead: Levi Stubbs, Isaac Hayes, and Bo Diddley. Then an all-star band did a tribute to the recently dead. Speaking of the dead, they did a tribute to New Orleans. Robin Thicke sounds sexy but looks skanky. There I said it. Every award show should bring attention to the fact the New Orleans is STILL a MESS. Best Rap Album went to Lil Wayne (and apparently his whole family). I can't take much more! This show is putting me into a coma. Zoe Dechannel introduced the duo of the evening Alison Krause and Robert Plant whose song was good, but kind of a low-key let-down after all the other over-the-top performances. Green Day showed up not looking filthy. Album of the year finally went to Alison Krause and Robert Plant. Shock! Stevie Wonder closed the show on time. Now Kathy Griffin has to another year to plot and plan to get her Grammy.

Grammys and Jesus to Kathy Griffin: SUCK IT!

The Sectional is sad to report that Kathy Griffin's dream of winning a Grammy has come to an end... at least for this year. I'm sure she'll have lots to say about being beaten out for the Grammy by a dead guy (George Carlin). We're afraid to ask what she'll do next year to get Grammy voters' attention. But, we can't wait to watch! Sorry, Kathy. WE still love you!

SNL: Put a Wigg on THAT!

Bradly Cooper? Who? Well, at least he's kinda cute. He's not why we're watching SNL tonight. Kristin Wiig did another razor sharp Kathy Lee Gifford (host of the 4th hour of the TODAY show on NBC) sketch which was deliciously uncomfortable to watch. Her physicality with the "character" is deeply disturbing. I don't get those "singing sketches" where they say really weird stuff in between singing an unusual song. What's up with that? Tonight's SNL kinda had a "collection of YouTube clips" feeling. Is that a coincidence? Is that a good thing? TV On The Radio made me feel like I'd fallen into a time warp, and not in a good way. My favorite punchline from UPDATE: "Because nothing helps you fit in like a monkey full of cocaine." Thank you, Seth Meyers, for sticking up for Michael Phelps. Why aren't more people? And, OH THANK YOU JEEBUS for Kristin Wiig as Bjork! Her song KILLED me! I can't wait 'til her song is online so I can watch it over and over. And, can someone tell me why Drew Barrymore was at the end of the show and why Bradley Cooper didn't mention her even though she was standing RIGHT next to him. In fact, he aaaalmost elbowed her in the face at one point, but he didn't mention her. Was she in a sketch? Did I fall asleep?

REALLY!?!

Kathie Lee at the Hoedown!

Bjork for President of Iceland!

More clips at HULU.com and NBC.com

Michael Phelps: Waiting To Exhale

Oh dear.  Poor Michael Phelps.  It doesn't look like the end of the Bush Era is going to be the end of being a dick.  Kellogs, I'm talking you!  Phelps' sponsors have been deserting him all day.  Sporting organizations are condemning him left and right.  Christ, people!  If ANYONE deserved one or two fun bong hits -- after WINNING more OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALS than anyone in modern history -- its Michael Phelps.  Do I need to repeat that?! Give a hot bitch a break!  He's like 18 years old!  Sheesh! I hope my favorite pot comedian (who is also my favorite (male) comedian), Doug Benson hosts a benefit concert to boost Phelps' spirits (and to get him high backstage).  And WHO is the super DOUCHE who sold that photo?  I hope Phelps get him alone in a room!  I'll be posting more on this item as I get more and more angry and more and more stoned throughout the weekend ...so stay tuned!

Happy Friday, Potatoes! What's On TV This Weekend?

Hey, blogtatoes!  What are you watching?  What are we here at The Sectional missing that we should be watching?  Post TiVo suggestions in the COMMENTS section of this very post, and we'll get back to you with our "professional" opinions of the show.  Let's start a discussion.  Expand your TV universe!

Hollywood Weak

Every episode of AMERICAN IDOL this season has been making me want to watch the next episode less. I feel they are leading me down a path I don't want to go down. The many major changes they've made this season haven't done anything to make me want to watch the show more. I'm even mildly annoyed that I haven't even seen that much good singing in the first 4 episodes. Even on Wednesday's show, the dreaded group night, I don't think any groups performance was shown in its entirety. Each AMERICAN IDOL show has the effect of a montage or rather the lack of effect left following a montage. Sure, I see a bunch of stuff happening, but I'm not feeling any connection to the show as it meanders by. Anyone LOVING this new season? Anyone HATING it? Am I the only one who thinks about this stuff?

The group with the sexy, religious widower is a shoe-in:Also among the best of the night was the group with the fiercest chick ever on IDOL.

Bye bye Bikini Girl. Some people fell apart and some people got trapped in a train wreck. Next week... more of the same.

The BIGGEST Loser

Just when you thought no one could be more of a crazy nutbar than Vicki from last season's THE BIGGEST LOSER along comes Joelle. Joelle does not live on planet Earth. Clearly her weight is a symptom of something WAY more messed up. The WORST part is that her "partner" slash "best friend" Carla was the heaviest woman ever weighed in on THE BIGGEST LOSER and really, REALLY needed to be on the show and at the trainer-supervised ranch. Carla also really, REALLY wanted to be on the ranch. Joelle just straight-up bitch-punked her. Joelle didn't work out like anyone else on the show. She thought she was at a spa. In her mind, she was. I hope Carla comes back stronger and leaner than ever at the finale and literally kicks Joelle's still-fat ass! Joelle's supreme disconnectedness with reality was truly historic on reality TV. Joelle is up there with Willie Ames and Dustin Diamond on CELEBRITY FIT CLUB and CT on THE REAL WORLD in terms of bat-shit crazy mofos who you have got to watch out for! They will stab you in the back the SECOND you look away!

Cash Cab Cutie?

I'm trying to decide if I should have a bromance (w/ benefits) crush on host of Discovery Channel's CASH CAB, Ben Bailey. What is it with me and the guys on the Discovery Channel?! Would someone invite me to their company Holiday Party for chrissakes?! Ben Bailey is a cab driver slash game show host. How many people can say that? The fact that he can multi-task to that degree is kinda sexy. In general, though, I have to say that "cab driver" is just about the WORST job I can think of, and dating a cab driver is 100% un-sexy. So, we're back to zero. He has a great sense of humor. Not only is he driving AND hosting a game show, but he's fun and funny while he's doing it. He rolls with the punches in a way that's very sexy. However, he's a comedian which is kinda un-sexy. So, slight point in his favor on that one. Well, look at him! He's a big, meaty hunk. Yum! Though he does have a stern side. After starring in the film BAD MEAT, he enjoyed a few TV guest spots including a role on my favorite usta-be-on show, HOPE AND FAITH starring the incredibly awesome Kelly Ripa. Six degrees, people! CASH CAB has been on for a few years now, so Ben Bailey is making a good living. What do you think, potatoes? Is Ben Bailey a good catch? Straight or gay? Funny or goofy? Help me out here, people.

I Wonder If Christian Bale Is "Vocal" In Bed

It's easy to see why it would be difficult to stay mad at Christian Bale, though apparently a few people now have good reason.  On the set of the new TERMINATOR film, Bale had a bit of a NSFW diva-moment (see Patti LuPone one post down for other recent diva-moments). We've ALL had the kind of day CB is having, though most of us were not professionally microphoned at the time.  If Bale was shirtless at the time he was screaming profanity at me at the top of his lungs I'd be kind turned on.  Wouldn't you? And, if he was butt-ass naked, red-faced, and shouting, profanity at me I'd jump him like a pack of cougars.  I'm just sayin'. Wouldn't you?

Oh good, now there's a song and a Bill O'Reilly remix too! (ALL, NSFW.)  All hilarious!

Bill-O and Bale-o

F*ckin' Newsies!

LuPWNed!

This is my favorite thing I've seen all day!

Help me! Now, I can't stop watching it.

SNL Airs Sketchmericials

SNL was (finally) back this week to plug Steve Martin's new PINK PANTHER 2: STEVE MARTIN'S PAYCHECK. How many times is he going to host the show?! What the hell is Justin Timberlake doing that's so frickin' important that he can't host SNL?! Justin! Justin! Justin! My favorite new SNL faux commercial was for edible Pampers. Nasty! Then shortly after the faux commerical, I found it interesting/scary that SNL and/or NBC/UNIVERSAL/GE tossed in commercials disguised as MacGruber sketches guest starring actual MacGyver, Richard Dean Anderson. The super-awesome Kristin Wiig co-starred. Were they sketches or commercials or sketchmercials? The MacGruber sketchmercials were for my new least-favorite mega-corp, Pepsi. You may know Pepsi as the company who took the Obama logo for their own corportate logo after Obama's election win. If McCain had won (god forbid!) would we be drinking Pepsi out of cans with liver spots? Then after faux commercials and commercials disguised as sketches, SNL had the nerve to make a joke at the end of Weekend Update about CBS creating a show called "CSI: SHAM-WOW." More like NBC: Sham Now! Then later Steve Martin played banjo to shamelessly plug his new CD of apparently weird banjo songs. It was tough to tell if the song they performed was a children's song or what. Anyway, on with the show... Spoiler alert: there was a new insane Laser Cats short which was like the homemade version of STAR WARS. Miss Amy LOVES Laser Cats. It's growing on me. Also, Lorne Michaels' office looks like a cross between Tina Fey's office and Alec Baldwin's office on 30 ROCK which I find odd. Almost as odd as the unexplained backstage llama. I only like Jason Mraz because he's kinda cute in a so-ugly-he's-cute kinda way. He's also very humorous, which is sexy if used properly. He didn't look particularly sexy on SNL, but he sounded better than most people do. The only people who sound good playing live on SNL are U2, Christina Aguilera, and -- apparently -- Mr. Mraz. The highlight of Weekend Update was Jason Sudeikis' brilliant post-impeachment Blagojevich ape. Loved it! Some new chick did a sick and hilarious spot-on impression of Angela Jolie. And THANK YOU JESUS! Despite previous uproar and outrage, Fred Armisen came back as New York Governor Patterson, which is the funniest thing EVER. It's SO f'ing sick and WRONG - I LOVE it! He was relentless too. It made the previous Patterson sketches look tame by comparison. Otherwise, Update has gone waaaay down hill since Amy and Tina left. Seth just isn't enough for me. I'd LOVE to see Kristin Wiig do a different co-anchor each week (Katie Couric, Elizabitch Hasselbeck, Martha Stewart, etc.) C'mon, Lorne! Wiig me! NOW!Here's PART 3 of the MacGruber Pepsi Sketchmercials. Each spot got increasingly more "pepsi-fied."

BLAGO! (Sudekis is brilliant!)

And, now... the best. Ladies and Gentlepotatoes, I give you New York State Governor Patterson.

Clips of other hilarity (Edible Pampers and Angelina Jolie, just to name a few) are online at HULU.com and NBC.com.