Over The Hills

I resisted for as long as I could – Patty didn’t care if I wrote about The Hills, but I did. I hate watching this show but I just can’t help myself.

I started watching the MTV “reality” show toward the end of the first season while staying at a friends house where I had no control over the remote. I was hooked. As Lauren and Jason sat staring at each other at the beach house I sat staring back at them. I’d never watched a TV show before with such little dialogue. I finished out the season and then promptly added every season of Laguna Beach and the full first season of The Hills to my NetFlix queue and my TiVO so I’d be caught up.

Now, every Monday night I tune in – cell phone in hand so I can text message my friend JP in NYC who is just as hooked as I am. Usually the texts go something like this:

MissAmy: WTF?!

JP: I KNOW!

MA: So gross. I hate him. Who ARE these people?

JP: I KNOW! WTF?!

Immediately following the show JP and I call each other. After getting busy signals and the occasional pre-ring-on-the-other-end-hang-up or the sound of dialing, we finally connect and proceed to yell at each other about how horrible the show is, why we still feel compelled to watch it, and what is wrong with “those people”.

Last night’s show was a doozy. LOTS of drama. Audrina finally lost what piece of her mind she had (oxymoron, I know) and believed a rumor she heard about Lauren hooking up with JustinBobby. AS IF. Speidi continued to argue. And JustinBobby of ALL people came out looking like a human being. Well, not physically looking like one. He actually looked like Charlotte from SATC when she dressed like a drag king for a photography exhibit and ends up making out with Baird, the photog… But I digress.

The most drama last night came during the ridiculously long and even more ridiculously often commercial breaks. Previews for the after show with the trannie and the poser nerd guy revealed that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt got married (maaaaweed?!) in Mexico over the weekend. WHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!

So gross on so many levels. So after doing my best to keep swallowing the barf that kept creeping into my mouth I called JP. I don’t even remember what she said because she’s all calm, sweet and good hearted. But we both agreed that Speidi deserve each other. We didn’t even speculate last night about the show wrapping up in a tidy end where Lauren and Heidi become friends again and Spencer finally get’s dumped and combusts into a flaming pile of shit and we can resume our normal 30something lives like regular people. No, that dream is the only thing that went up in smoke last night. Now I can’t wait to watch next week – Monday can’t come soon enough.