Elizabitch Hasselbitch Countdownbitch Bitch Bitch Bitch

America, you only have TWO more days to enjoy your life before the Walt Disney Corporation unleashes Elizabitch Hasselcoulter --the even more evil twin sister of Anne Coulter-- on your morning television Tuesday. After a lengthy and glorious break from her non-stop Republican-robot talking-points, she'll be back "live" on Tuesday with another season of her talking out of her ass about stuff she has no business even talking about. I remain astounded that even Fox News is scared of Anne Coulter, yet Disney embraces and promotes the foul lies and downright propaganda of a Republican right-wing nut job like Elizabeth Hasselbeck. Enough, ABC/Disney! Pull the plug on this broken Republican record.

Fasten Your Seatbelts

The challenge on last night's Project Runway was interesting - take a bunch of Saturn minivans, pack them chock full o'random car junk and let rabid reality show contestants make haute couture out of it all.

The non-originality award goes to, well, almost everyone for making something out of the bizmillion seatbelts available in each of the family wagons. I'm not a maverick fashionista but I do know that the seatbelt has been done before. Stuff made from seatbelts is tres passe. However, Korto's coat was to die for and I'll second Rachel (gag) Zoe when I say "I want to own that coat!" The rest of the seatbelt stuff was pure roadkill.

It was nice to see Kenley bow under pressure. I like her but it seemed like Daniel left a little of his hyper anxiety behind. I also hated her outfit. Totally ridiculous and it had such promise when she was making the zebra stripes on the air filters early on. If only she'd 86'd the pencil skirt and made a cute tiered number using the filters - that would have been cute. And it would have also helped the model wearing her outfit walk without looking like she had a car axle shoved up her arse.

Jerell's little number was cute. The judges love it but to me the hem looked poorly constructed. Loved the top of it.

Leanne done good. Funky and completely unwearable but bold and interesting.

Joe (who for some reason I just really can't stand) had a pretty cool concept with his motocross ensemble. I'd liked to have seen a little more of that one.

Finally, we get to say good-bye to Keith. DUMB ASS. I find it somewhat satisfying when the contestants weed themselves out like he did. It's one thing when the judges give someone the boot but its completely another thing when the contestants just have a total meltdown and can't hack it. Stella's outfit was awful but I don't even know why the judges had to deliberate. Keith shot himself in the foot from the second he was in the bottom last week and just kept on going. And then he cried. Oy. Na na na na... goodbye.

Where was Nina this week? I hate Rachel Zoe but quite a treat to have Laura Bennett on - LOVE her!

Shameless

Guilty pleasures! There are a LOT of very stupid hilarious shows on right now. Do NOT miss any of the following.

I WANT TO WORK FOR DIDDY - Makes The Apprentice look like kindergarten. My favorite contestant is the tranny who is like a classy Omarosa (I mean that as a complement!). One of the best parts is interview segments with Diddy's former assistants who all get this look in their eyes that you see after someone survives a Grizzly Bear attack and half their skull is ripped off, but they're still alive! That's apparently what it's like to work for Diddy.

TABATHA'S SALON TAKEOVER - Tabatha kicks ass! She is a force to be reckoned with. I think she's been called a bitch to her face (or near it) on every episode so far. And, she isn't. But, she is an excellent example of a driven, talented woman who gets called a bitch (mostly by gay men, Bravo) for standing her ground. The show'sproduction is top-drawer too. The editing and camera work are way better than the usual reality stuff. She, Diddy and Gordon Ramsey scare me, but the more I learn about them through their various projects, the more I respect their bat-shit-crazy dedication to their craft.

REALITY BITES BACK - This show makes me laugh so hard it hurts me. I can't watch it on a full stomach or I get cramps. With such episodes as HUNTING WITH THE STARS and SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DIVE, the show spoofs reality shows while being all of them. In the first episode I saw, the contestants (who are all comedians) had to come on to someone in a dark room who turned out to be their mother, sister grandmother, or father. I love Amy Schumer who was on LAST COMIC STANDING at some point. I also still can't believe that Michael Ian Black is straight. I've had a crush on him forever. [Programing note: there is an upcoming marathon on Sunday or Monday.]

TORI & DEAN and ROB & BIG - The only thing better than TORI & DEAN BACK IN HOLLYWOOD and ROB & BIG would be if Rob, Big, Tori, and Dean all hung out more often. There is NO reason for either couple to have a show, and neither show is ANYTHING more than just following them around to the dry-cleaner and drive-thru. Yet, I can't get enough!

Oh yeah, and Janice Dickinson has somehow managed to go even more insane by moving into a Christopher Ciccione-designed "Model House" with her models this season on THE JANICE DICKINSON MODELING AGENCY which should be called CATTY GAY BITCHFIGHT. Janice is the queen of psychodrama.

And, as long as we're making short, shameful confessions I wanna make out with the Old Spice Minotaur Guy (OSMG) who is cute, and -- I hear -- hung like a... well, you know.

What are you watching? What half-man half-donkey creatures do you have a crush on?

God Damn, I LOVE me some Kristen Chenoweth

Sometimes she's a Broadway diva. Sometimes she's a slutty li'l minx in the pages of FHM. Sometimes she's a TV actress. And, sometimes she's a musical medical miracle!

See more Kristin Chenoweth videos at Funny or Die

My Hill

Bye Dan. (sniff. sniff.)

VERDICT with Dan Abrams has been canceled. Boooooo! Suck it, MSNBC! Not only is Dan Dan The News Man the cutest newsie, but he is one of the few who doesn't take himself too seriously. The last show was a best-of bonanza. Though, it was sad. It must suck to have to do your last show on a week's notice. Dan was always fair and multi-faceted. VERDICT had real depth and great debates, as well as hilarious takes on some silly topics too. I'm quite sure Mr. Dan Abrams will turn up somewhere soon. As he mentioned at the end of the show, this was his third "good-bye" show on MSNBC in the past 5 years, so don't count him out yet. Yaay (sorta). Bye for now, Dan. Stay cute! xoxo

McCain Picks Vice Presidential Running Mate

Live WIth Regis... Regis?! Yes, Regis and Kel-- What The?!

Today was another busy one for me. I didn't get a chance to watch LIVE WITH ___ & KELLY until after 4PM. Well, imagine my surprise when the "blank" was actually Regis! But then, I was totally freaked out when I did NOT realize that Emily Proctor wasn't Kelly Ripa. Until she opened her mouth, I didn't notice. So, I guess Kelly finally gets a vaca. Good for her. Emily Proctor, though? Oh well, she was pleasant enough. It seems like Kelly can really bring out the "fun" side of people on the show, and Regis is too intimidating to relax with. My take. I always fast forward through the openings of shows like REGIS and ELLEN so I often don't hear who's going to be on unless TiVo tells me or unless the host tells me.

I Dislike The Jonas Brothers And NOT Just Because They Are Talentless

Fresh Cazwell, Bitches!

Dreamy future husband number 5, Cazwell, has a new video on YouTube. Support Cazwell so that one day he may support me. Could he BE any cuter?!

Dance Dance Dance

My thoughts on the SYTYCD finale show. Halfway through, I was thinking, "Gee, I wonder if the fact that Katee is in MOST of the 'best of' numbers means that she's the judges favorite." It was a delight to see Thayne again. Go, Mary Murphy! Sheesh! It's great to know that she has the chops to back up all her bitching and screaming. Bye, Courtney. OH-KAY, Wade Robson has been dipping into the good 60's acid again. What the HELL was his Rabbit Funeral number about? I applaud SYTYCD for exposing the unwashed masses to modern dance, but Wade's piece was so far over the top it was like Cats on some funky drugs. It creeped me OUT, and NOT in the good way. It figures that Cris Angel (TotalFreak) is involved somehow. I was SHOCKED when Katee was eliminated. Shocked. And, kinda pissed. She was my favorite by FAR. She even KICKED ASS in the door number (AND the hip hop number) after she was eliminated. What a pro! The Debbie Allen Dance Academy of Dance for Dancers (upstairs from a Blimpie's Sub Shop) is apparently teaching America's future Jean Benet Ramseys to dance with creepy old British dudes for fun and profit. Now who's taking the good 60's acid?! Apparently Nigel Litgoe. I have to give it to this show. They know what "pulling out ALL the stops" means, and they sure did it tonight. Oh, I forgot to mention HOW MUCH I HATE The Jonas Brothers. They're just awful on SO many levels. And, now they're "rapping" (do the kids still say 'rapping'?) with George Forman. Yikes. Name the winner already! I love this show, but jeeeez FOX can you please not drag-out and pad every single show you air?! Even on TiVo, this show seemed loooong. I loved Cat Deeley's dress. Why are there never good pictures from the shows?! I also loved the look back at all of the "best of" former performers. And, then they were actually THERE. How fierce is that? Neil is super CUTE and --apparently-- made of rubber. Bouncy! Hawk is also one of my favorites ever. Crazy. Were there like 50 dancers on stage? Get on with it! Who won?! Helloooooo! Oh, Joshua. Good.

Today, Gelman?!

Of all the days for LIVE WITH ______ & KELLY to pull a stunt like this, they HAD to pick today. I'm super busy and do not have time to fully express my shock and arousal. Today's "fill in the blank" host was... wait for it.... wait for it... Stiffler! Seann William Scott. Really?! I didn't know he was gay, but I guess if he's co-hosting LIVE then he must be. Aaanyway, he's no Anderson Cooper but his first story was about getting "spooned" by a bearish monster truck driver in 1st class on the plane. I was pleasantly surprised by SWS as a co-host. He appeared genuinely warm and giving. You've got to be able to tell a couple good stories about your life. He has "a lot" of tattoos (apparently -- he didn't show us). He shared a few stories about being drunk. We did learn that he is an AMERICAN IDOL fan. Specifically, he has a boner for Brooke White (my least favorite American Idol ever!) He wasn't boring, but he wasn't a laugh riot. I will say that he had a "special" way of sitting on the LW_&K stools that brilliantly featured his package. Not sure why, but the SWS host chat is not yet posted on the LIVE W/ ____ & K web site. And definitely not posted on the LIVE site is the shot (at the veeeery) end of the show of SWS' lightning bolt tattoo on his thigh, yes thigh.

Too Darn Hot

It's still 80 degrees at 10PM, which officially makes it too hot to blog. However, I will blog on despite the melting inside my brain. So you think you can dance? No, but I know a lot of people who can. I'm sad to see this train pulling into the station. SYTYCD was cruel this season because the dancers were so good, and the choreographers really jockeyed for that Emmy. Let me start by saying that Katee should win hands down. I haven't liked Twitch for weeks. I still like Joshua, but he's not a "star." That other Courtney girl is good, but she's no Katee. I still don't like the unfortunately named Mandy Moore, and I still think that Mia Michaels is a god. That "Russian" number was my least favorite of the season. Bleck. Hated it. What a waste of two sensational hip-hop dancers. Wikipedia has an INSANE amount of detail about this season. Be sure to check it out! There is one example of their "thoroughness" below.

Elimination chart

Contestants are in alphabetical order by last name, then in reverse chronological order of elimination.

Legend

Female

Male

Bottom 3 couples

Bottom 4 contestants

Week:	6/12	6/19	6/26	7/03	7/10	7/17	7/24	7/31**	8/07
Contestant		Result
Joshua Allen
Stephen "Twitch" Boss					B 3		B 4
Courtney Galiano				B 3			B 4
Katee Shean
Mark Kanemura						B 4		Elim
Chelsie Hightower								Elim
William Wingfield	B 3				B 3		Elim
Comfort Fedoke		B 3	B 3	B 3	Elim*	B 4	Elim
Gev Manoukian				B 3		Elim
Kherington Payne					B 3	Elim
Jessica King	B 3				B 3*
Thayne Jasperson		B 3	B 3	B 3	Elim
Matt Dorame	B 3		B 3	Elim
Kourtni Lind	B 3		B 3	Elim
Chris Jarosz		B 3	Elim
Chelsea Traille		B 3	Elim
Marquis Cunningham		Elim
Susie Garcia		Elim
Jamie Bayard	Elim
Rayven Armijo	Elim

*Jessica King suffered an injury that resulted in her being unable to continue in the competition. Comfort Fedoke replaced her as she was the most recent female competitor eliminated.^[3]

**There was no bottom 4 this week

Yay I'm Below Average!

So, I checked my carbon footprint today --at a friend's urging. And, as it turns out, I'm BELOW average (click on the image to see my results in large form). Whew! I'd be even further below average if it weren't for my drafty no-insulation-havin' rancher house in Seattle where builders from the 1860's through the 1970's had never heard of insulation. My 1950's rancher has little to NO insulation which allows the heat to just waft out in the winter. I'm working on that. I drive a fuel efficient car, and I rarely fly. Apparently that really helps. Both of those factors are outside of my control. I need a car big enough to carry lumber in, and I fly as much as my parents and work make me. Oh! And, I'm a (mostly) vegetarian. That really helps lower my footprint. I produce 24 tons of CO2, just below the national average of 27 tons. Thank goodness that's not all coming out of my toilet! What's your carbon footprint?

Yay For This Guy!

Federal Way principal visiting all student homes
THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

FEDERAL WAY – The principal of a Federal Way middle school is visiting the homes this summer of all 600 students.

Principal Damon Hunter (NOT pictured) sent a voice message to the parents of students at Saghalie Middle School saying he's stop by.

He's dropping off back-to-school information, but he says his real goal is to get parents more involved in their children's education.

The Tacoma News Tribune reports that by Thursday Hunter had stopped at 375 homes. He expects to complete the home visits by mid-August.

To save gas, Hunter rides a scooter that gets 110 miles per gallon.

Information from: The News Tribune, http://www.thenewstribune.com