How do they DO it?!

If I believed in Jesus, I would thank him for AMERICAN IDOL. It's so much more than a singing competition and a karaoke train wreck. AI is a window into the dark heart of America. Simon shows us just how "nicey nicey" we've become on the surface. And, I want whatever Seacrest is taking to remain so preternaturally chipper for 8 hours with the mentally unbalanced and their relatives and friends and on occasion -- people they met in the parking lot on the way there. One of the first thing Seacrest voiced over was that it hardly seemed like they'd been away. Truer words were never spoken. The show is almost shot for shot a repeat of last year, yet I couldn't have loved it more! FINALLY! a reason to embrace the writer's strike. The montage of LOUD singers made Quincy's ears perk up. I find it interesting that what eventually turns into a semi-serious singing/popularity contest garnering millions of votes starts off presenting some of the greatest horrors lurking in the amature American musical theatre. Chapter one of this year's freak show offered up the usual cavalcade of mentally unbalanced individuals abandoned by the US health care "system" who are encouraged to sing by their inbred relatives and cruel friends. That Willem-Dafoe-Gurl is going to be a co-host on THE VIEW by the end of the week followed by a brief stint on CELEBRITY REHAB with Dr. Drew. The stalker guy might have made it to the next round on LAST COMIC STANDING. The Princess Leah (prisoner of Jabba The Hutt) Guy was doing some deeply personal type of performance art that I hope helped him work some sh*t out. Coincidentally, The Princess Leah Girl was also working out some deep childhood traumas on America during her "audition." At least they won't ask her to be a co-host on THE VIEW. Speaking of... Blake "I'm Not Gay" Lewis was on THE "Very GAY" VIEW today saying that he can't stand to watch AI because the sound of people singing out of tune is like nails on a chalkboard to him. Ouch! I guess Ryan won't return his calls. I'm looking forward to hours and hours of this multi-car pileup. Though, because I'm enjoying JPOD on CBC, I'm going to have to abandon THE BIGGEST LOSER: COUPLES and catch the marathon Bravo in a few months. SPOILER ALERT: I'm telling you right now that the two heaviest guys are gonna win.