Now seems like a good time to mention that when you are 9 1/2 months pregnant and you are performing on stage at the Staples Center and on International TV (with a bunch of mysoginists who sound like crap!) you can wear WHATEVER you want. That is a right granted by the Constitution. Look it up!
U2 kicked ass even though they are finally starting to look their age. And then. Ok. Um, they announced Whitney Houston but Dionne Warwick walked out. And, the bitch seemed high. High. She sounded like she had a Kool waiting for her in an ashtray just off stage. I'm glad Jennifer Hudson won and gave a very moving thank you. Then The Rock came out and did his Shatner impersonation. Yikes! I liked Timberlake and the Rev. Al Green. Chris Martin sounded good, but the rapper with him (Kanye? Jay Z? Who was that?!) was awful. Dreadful! Coldplay sounded good, but I just can't (ever) get excited about them. Even seeing Chris Martin's pubes wasn't exciting. Do they give away any Grammys? Carrie Underwood looked like White Trash Beyoncé, and I kinda mean that in a good way. I think she always sounds great. Good for her. Then finally one more award. Country. Moving on... Al Green came back with Duffy to sing and give the award for song of the year to Coldplay. Zzzz. Kid Rock. ZZZZZZ. Taylor Swift and 
Miley "It's Miley!!" Cyrus did a touching and repulsively "christiany" country-ish song about what it's like to be 15 years old, even though they both look 20+ and act 30+. Then the tweens gave an award to some really old people: Alison Kraus and Robert Plant. Then Jennifer Hudson came out and showed that she will not be stopped. She REALLY should stick to singing and give up acting, but girlfriend can sing! UGH! The Jonas Brothers and Stevie Wonder performing together?! Even a blind man can see the Jonas Brothers are the WORST thing to happen to music since Milli Vanilli. OH how I wanted to projectile vomit during their number. Blink 182 showed up to announce they're back together. Travis Barker looked good but a bit shaken. Coldplay won again. I was shocked. Fast forwarding... Craig Ferguson (is he still on CBS?!) came out to share some humor in bad taste, flub his lines, and introduce the wonderful Katy Perry, who I love more every time I see her. Or maybe I just love the fag who's dressing her. Estelle sang "American Boy" assisted by Kanye West in a black mullet. They sounded OK. Best New Artist went to Adele!! Yay! I LOVE me some Adele! She looked gorgeous as usual. She's only 19! Damn! She's so cute! She mentioned (sort of as if she was embarrassed to) that she "loved" the Jonas Brothers. Legally, she could have consentual sex with 2 of the Jonas brothers, I think. Have fun at the after party! Kenny Chesney gives me the CREEPS! Natalie Cole came out with what looked like a nip slip, Puffy, and Herbie Hancock to award Record of The Year to a crazy list of nominees. ALL over the map. Alison Kraus and Robert Plant won again. Are ALL Grammy members folk singers? What gives?! Queen Latifah came out looking good, but not looking thinner for her Jenny Craig campaign. She awkwardly mentioned something about Dean Martin, and then introduced an all-star "rap pack" lead off by a VERY pregnant M.I.A. S
he looked hilarious but GREAT! She was followed by Kanye and some other big-time rappers. Didn't sound so great. Kinda dumb to do black and white in the age of HD. Was that Jay Z? Is he rapping again? Beyoncé can't be THAT expensive! Kate Beckinsale showed up for no apparent reason to introduce Sir Paul McCartney, who I am SO tired of! Moving on... Jack Black and Charlie Hayden (sp?) his father-in-law came out to do more boring Grammy crap. Then they gave out the Best Male Pop Vocal Grammy to... John Mayer. WOW! I did NOT see THAT coming. Neither did Paul McCartney. Lame speech. A drunk Jay Mohr and a cool (natch!) LL Cool J introduced Sugarland (Zzzz) and then Adele. Adele sounded perfect as usual. Love her voice. Then Sugarland joined Adele for no reason. Grammys! Stop it! Gwenyth came out in a hot little dress and 18 pairs of panty hose to introduce Radiohead and a marching band. Gwentyh is SO hip. The performance was no "Jill Scott and Blue Man Group" but it was interesting. Justin Timberlake was back to rap with some guy. They were NOT in sync and sounded weird. Maybe it was me. The Grammy big-cheese came out and pointed out that Obama had won 2 Grammys. He then called for a Secretary of Arts to be added to the cabinet. I'm so tired of the show even though I've been fast forwarding through MUCH of it. The Four Tops tribute was good but didn't thrill me. Speaking of not thrilling me, Josh Groban came out... on to the stage to introduce Neil Diamond. Ok. Sure, I'm always up for Neil 
Diamond. His "rousing" performance of "Sweet Caroline" was so karaoke it was almost meta. Then they showed the memorial reel to those who've passed away this past year. The following are people I thought were already dead: Levi Stubbs, Isaac Hayes, and Bo Diddley. Then an all-star band did a tribute to the recently dead. Speaking of the dead, they did a tribute to New Orleans. Robin Thicke sounds sexy but looks skanky. There I said it. Every award show should bring attention to the fact the New Orleans is STILL a MESS. Best Rap Album went to Lil Wayne (and apparently his whole family). I can't take much more! This show is putting me into a coma. Zoe Dechannel introduced the duo of the evening Alison Krause and Robert Plant whose song was good, but kind of a low-key let-down after all the other over-the-top performances. Green Day showed up not looking filthy. Album of the year finally went to Alison Krause and Robert Plant. Shock! Stevie Wonder closed the show on time. Now Kathy Griffin has to another year to plot and plan to get her Grammy.
The Sectional is sad to report that Kathy Griffin's dream of winning a Grammy has come to an end... at least for this year. I'm sure she'll have lots to say about being beaten out for the Grammy by a dead guy (George Carlin). We're afraid to ask what she'll do next year to get Grammy voters' attention. But, we can't wait to watch! Sorry, Kathy. WE still love you!
Bradly Cooper? Who? Well, at least he's kinda cute. He's not why we're watching SNL tonight. Kristin Wiig did another razor sharp Kathy Lee Gifford (host of the 4th hour of the TODAY show on NBC) sketch which was deliciously 
uncomfortable to watch. Her physicality with the "character" is deeply disturbing. I don't get those "singing sketches" where they say really weird stuff in between singing an unusual song. What's up with that? Tonight's SNL kinda had a "collection of YouTube clips" feeling. Is that a coincidence? Is that a good thing? TV On The 
Radio made me feel like I'd fallen into a time warp, and not in a good way. My favorite punchline from UPDATE: "Because nothing helps you fit in like a monkey full of cocaine." Thank you, Seth Meyers, for sticking up for Michael Phelps. Why aren't more people? And, OH THANK YOU JEEBUS for Kristin Wiig as Bjork! Her song KILLED me! I can't wait 'til her song is online so I can watch it over and over. And, can someone tell me why Drew Barrymore was at the end of the show and why Bradley Cooper didn't mention her even though she was standing RIGHT next to him. In fact, he aaaalmost elbowed her in the face at one point, but he didn't mention her. Was she in a sketch? Did I fall asleep?
Oh dear. Poor Michael Phelps. It doesn't look like the end of the Bush Era is going to be the end of being a dick. Kellogs, I'm talking you! Phelps' sponsors have been deserting him all day. Sporting organizations are condemning him left and right. Christ, people! If ANYONE deserved one or two fun bong hits -- after WINNING more OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALS than anyone in modern history -- its Michael Phelps. Do I need to repeat that?! Give a hot bitch a break! He's like 18 years old! Sheesh! I hope my favorite pot comedian (who is also my favorite (male) comedian), Doug Benson hosts a benefit concert to boost Phelps' spirits (and to get him high backstage). And WHO is the super DOUCHE who sold that photo? I hope Phelps get him alone in a room! I'll be posting more on this item as I get more and more angry and more and more stoned throughout the weekend ...so stay tuned!
Hey, blogtatoes! What are you watching? What are we here at The Sectional missing that we should be watching? Post TiVo suggestions in the COMMENTS section of this very post, and we'll get back to you with our "professional" opinions of the show. Let's start a discussion. Expand your TV universe!
Every episode of AMERICAN IDOL this season has been making me want to watch the next episode less. I feel they are leading me down a path I don't want to go down. The many major changes they've made this season haven't done anything to make me want to watch the show more. I'm even mildly annoyed that I haven't even seen that much good singing in the first 4 episodes. Even on Wednesday's show, the dreaded group night, I don't think any groups performance was shown in its entirety. Each AMERICAN IDOL show has the effect of a montage or rather the lack of effect left following a montage. Sure, I see a bunch of stuff happening, but I'm not feeling any connection to the show as it meanders by. Anyone LOVING this new season? Anyone HATING it? Am I the only one who thinks about this stuff?
Also among the best of the night was the group with the fiercest chick ever on IDOL.
Just when you thought no one could be more of a crazy nutbar than Vicki from last season's THE BIGGEST LOSER along comes Joelle. Joelle does not live on planet Earth. Clearly her weight is a symptom of something WAY more messed up. The WORST part is that her "partner" slash "best friend" Carla was the heaviest woman ever weighed in on THE BIGGEST LOSER and really, REALLY needed to be on the show and at the trainer-supervised ranch. Carla also really, REALLY wanted to be on the ranch. Joelle just straight-up bitch-punked her. Joelle didn't work out like anyone else on the show. She thought she was at a spa. In her mind, she was. I hope Carla comes back stronger and leaner than ever at the finale and literally kicks Joelle's still-fat ass! Joelle's supreme disconnectedness with reality was truly historic on reality TV. Joelle is up there with Willie Ames and Dustin Diamond on CELEBRITY FIT CLUB and CT on THE REAL WORLD in terms of bat-shit crazy mofos who you have got to watch out for! They will stab you in the back the SECOND you look away!
I'm trying to decide if I should have a bromance (w/ benefits) crush on host of Discovery Channel's CASH CAB, Ben Bailey. What is it with me and the guys on the Discovery Channel?! Would someone invite me to their company Holiday Party for chrissakes?!
Ben Bailey is a cab driver slash game show host. How many people can say that? The fact that he can multi-task to that degree is kinda sexy. In general, though, I have to say that "cab driver" is just about the WORST job I can think of, and dating a cab driver is 100% un-sexy. So, we're back to zero. He has a great sense of humor. Not only is he driving AND hosting a game show, but he's fun and funny while he's doing it. He rolls with the punches in a way that's very sexy. However, he's a comedian which is kinda un-sexy. So, slight point in his favor on that one. Well, look at him! He's a big, meaty hunk. Yum! Though he does have a stern side. After starring in the film BAD MEAT, he enjoyed a few TV
guest spots including a role on my favorite usta-be-on show, HOPE AND FAITH starring the incredibly awesome Kelly Ripa. Six degrees, people! CASH CAB has been on for a few years now, so Ben Bailey is making a good living. What do you think, potatoes? Is Ben Bailey a good catch? Straight or gay? Funny or goofy? Help me out here, people.
It's easy to see why it would be difficult to stay mad at Christian Bale, though apparently a few people now have good reason. On the set of the new TERMINATOR film, Bale had a bit of a NSFW diva-moment (see Patti LuPone one post down for other recent diva-moments). We've ALL had the kind of day CB is having, though most of us were not professionally microphoned at the time. If Bale was shirtless at the time he was screaming profanity at me at the top of his lungs I'd be kind turned on. Wouldn't you? And, if he was butt-ass naked, red-faced, and shouting, profanity at me I'd jump him like a pack of cougars. I'm just sayin'. Wouldn't you?
SNL was (finally) back this week to plug Steve Martin's new PINK PANTHER 2: STEVE MARTIN'S PAYCHECK. How many times is he going to host the show?! What the hell is Justin Timberlake doing that's so frickin' important that he can't host SNL?! Justin! Justin! Justin! My favorite new SNL faux commercial was for edible Pampers. Nasty! Then shortly after the faux commerical, I found it interesting/scary that SNL and/or NBC/UNIVERSAL/GE tossed in commercials disguised as MacGruber sketches guest starring actual MacGyver, Richard Dean Anderson. 
The super-awesome Kristin Wiig co-starred. Were they sketches or commercials or sketchmercials? The MacGruber sketchmercials were for my new least-favorite mega-corp, Pepsi. You may know Pepsi as the company who took the Obama logo for their own corportate logo after Obama's election win. If McCain had won (god forbid!) would we be drinking Pepsi out of cans with liver spots? Then after faux commercials and commercials disguised as sketches, SNL had the nerve to make a joke at the end of Weekend Update about CBS creating a show called "CSI: SHAM-WOW." More like NBC: Sham Now! Then later Steve Martin played banjo to shamelessly plug his new CD of apparently weird banjo songs. I
t was tough to tell if the song they performed was a children's song or what. Anyway, on with the show... Spoiler alert: there was a new insane Laser Cats short which was like the homemade version of STAR WARS. Miss Amy LOVES Laser Cats. It's growing on me. Also, Lorne Michaels' office looks like a cross between Tina Fey's office and Alec Baldwin's office on 30 ROCK which I find odd. Almost as odd as the unexplained backstage llama. I only like Jason Mraz because he's kinda cute in a so-ugly-he's-cute kinda way. He's also very humorous, which is sexy if used properly. He didn't look particularly sexy on SNL, but he sounded better than most people do. The only people 
who sound good playing live on SNL are U2, Christina Aguilera, and -- apparently -- Mr. Mraz. The highlight of Weekend Update was Jason Sudeikis' brilliant post-impeachment Blagojevich ape. Loved it! Some new chick did a sick and hilarious spot-on impression of Angela Jolie. And THANK YOU JESUS! Despite previous uproar and outrage, Fred Armisen came back as New York Governor Patterson, which is the funniest thing EVER. It's SO f'ing sick and WRONG - I LOVE it! He was relentless too. It made the previous Patterson sketches look tame by comparison. Otherwise, Update has gone waaaay down hill since Amy and Tina left. Seth just isn't enough for me. I'd LOVE to see Kristin Wiig do a different co-anchor each week (Katie Couric, Elizabitch Hasselbeck, Martha Stewart, etc.) C'mon, Lorne! Wiig me! NOW!
Here's PART 3 of the MacGruber Pepsi Sketchmercials. Each spot got increasingly more "pepsi-fied."
What the?! Am I high or was THE SOUP on at 9:30 instead of 10PM tonight? Did that happen to anyone else or just me? I hope my TiVo knew! Now I'm watching 3 tigers tear a man apart in HD, instead of women on ROCK OF LOVE BUS tear each other apart in Regular D. Thanks, Joel!
THE MAN WITH TWO BRAINS. Not one of the best movies, but certainly worth of a freaky tribute video. Happy Friday, potatoes.
Now THAT's what I call a series premiere, HELL'S KITCHEN! DAMN! Fireworks! Drama! Cursing like that of a Foreign Legionnaire! Crying and even blood! Gordon Ramsey is just plain good TV. He's SUCH a mega-dick on HELL'S KITCHEN but he's often such a kitten on his KITCHEN NIGHTMARES show. He's a healer on KN and a bad-as spank-meister on HK. I'm beginning to wonder if the proliferation of cooking shows (TOP CHEF, etc.) is contributing to America's national fattening. I love HELL'S KITCHEN! Why FOX chose to put it on opposite NBC's ONLY decent shows: THE OFFICE and 30 ROCK is a mystery. I'm videotaping HELL'S KITCHEN old-skool-style on my video cassette recorder (which Comcast Cable Corp. is going to render useless when they force their "secret box" on me). That's when I'll be getting my 2-tuner Direct TV satellite TV. Because Comcast lied. And I am SO sick of companies who are mean to their customers. Comcast sucks. Anyway, watch HELL'S KITCHEN!
Oh shit! Elizabitch Hasselcoulter is squeezing out yet another bigoted right-wing nutjob from her clown-car vagina. She's pictured to the left showing how many children she plans to have. Just what the world needs! More hate and ignorance. On the plus side, she'll be off the show for a few months in August and September, but that's usually when they're on hiatus. Ugh! Watch out world, here comes another bigot-spawn!
"I'm sad that AMERICAN IDOL was only one hour tonight. I wanted more crazies! Hollywood week is going to be high drama. The "auditions" shows are filled with a LOT more auditioner's stories and a LOT fewer auditions. Every audition was puzzling and seemed to go on forEVER! I'm not enjoying the auditions this season. I'm looking forward to Hollywood week. I hope there will be some singing."
I'm not sure why THE BIGGEST LOSER (aka THE BOB AND JILLIAN EGO SHOW) decided to give away 115 minutes of the 120 minute show in the previews this week. If you watched NBC at all this week then you already know that the final weigh in (the only reason for watching the show) was gonna be between the two youngest guys. What a dilemma! Despite Tara's right-on plea to save the orange team's lives, they were voted off. This has been the season of bad vote-offs. We'll see what happens in the finale.
Have You Ever Seen Jeff Lieberman and Jonathan Goodwin in the Same Room? Me neither. Do you know who's who in the pic above? What gives?! Who's casting at the Discovery Channel? They're practically twins. Lieberman is the MIT robotics artist and host of Discovery's TIME WARP. Goodwin is the "escape artist" [crazy person] and host of Discovery's ONE WAY OUT. Goodwin's like a British David Blaine. He's equally as annoying as Blaine but in a different more geeky way. Lieberman is a sexy scientist who is like Bill Nye in designer jeans and clingy t-shirts. Even though ONE WAY OUT has no redeeming scientific value whatsoever, it has its mildly entertaining moments.
Sarah Jessica Parker recently denied rumors that she and husband Matthew Broderick (pictured here) are divorcing. Good for them. Sham marriages are what make Hollywood (or Manhattan) really interesting!
I love Bonnie Hunt! Her daytime talk show is often the highlight of my day (humorwise. It's rarely the BEST thing that happened to me all day, anyway...) and I usually can't wait to watch it on TiVo everyday. Do most TiVo owners --like me-- watch shows I'm excited to watch at 20 minutes after they start? Or do you start them live and then take a break? Anyway, one of my favorite things Bonnie Hunt does is mercilessly mock Kim from THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA. Kim, who can't sing a note, is exactly the kind of person who would try out for AMERICAN IDOL and sound dreadful. Bonnie's YouTube site (which doesn't allow embedding :-( ) has a preview clip of her upcoming "Kim" skit. If you're not watching Bonnie, do yourself a favor... watch it a couple times. Smile. You should smile more.
Cha cha cha chia! President of the United States and avid reader, Barack Obama, has now received one of our nation's top honors, he's been made into a Chia President. Jeanne Moos of CNN (one of my favorite TV reporters EVER) explains:
Happy Friday, potatoes! After laughing my ass off at M. Night Shamalamadingdong's THE HAPPENING last night, I am ready to laugh with something not at it. So, luckily for all of us
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