Spaghetti Cat Takes Over

Here's how it all started, as reported by my only source of news, Joel McHale of THE SOUP.

THE SOUP has been milking Spaghetti Cat weekly for months, but now the rest of the world is discovering the joy and mystery that is Spaghetti Cat.

Michael Phelps and Anderson Cooper: The Buddy System

I don't even know where to start on this highly-professional, highly-erotic interview/bromance of Phelps by Coop on 60 MINUTES. Towards the end of the piece, Coop races Phelps. Sorry, Coop fans, no Speedo. But I'll take tasty Anderson in his baggy-ass swim trunks ANY day! I don't even want to THINK about what happened in the steam room later! (Just kidding! Of COURSE want to know!!)

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RH of ATL: Watched It (All)

I finished watching THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA and the reunion special hosted by Bravo heartthrob Andy Cohen. The 1 hour reunion was at least as much fun as all 6 hours of the series. Sheree is scary. Deshawn is adorable. Kim is bat shit crazy and I would fear for her children if I didn't dislike children. Lisa is amazing. And, I like NeNe no matter what all you haters say! Quincy will not get off my laptop, so I'm going to have to finish this later.

Mighty Real

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA is melting my brain. I can only take one more episode of the marathon today. Thank goodness it's a holiday weekend (and I can label postcards while I watch TV). Has anyone added up how much these ladies spent on air this season? I'd love to see a breakdown by category: $75,000 on shoes; $250,ooo on wine; $300,000 on scarves and hats; $500,000 on hair weaves? Is this an infomercial for Christian Dior, Range Rover, and the makeup and hair squads of Atlanta? I have to admit this is the first HOUSEWIVES series I've watched. I am as fascinated as I am nauseated and horrified. I'd love to see an episode of the show with just a walk-through of each house with their interior designer and talk about the spectacular homes without all the loud, obnoxious people in them. Some of the houses in the show are the biggest I've ever seen in my life! Don't tell me how it ends, I'm only up to Kim's first recording session. Ouch! Speaking of Kim, she was on THE BONNIE HUNT SHOW this week AFTER Bonnie (and the hilarious and gorgeous Niecy Nash) spoofed her.

Fat Black Friday

Happy Black Friday, America. So far one Wal-Mart employee in Long Island was trampled to death by a crowd of people "hungry" for bargains. A pregnant woman was also trampled. As were the EMT workers who arrived to try to save the victims. It took hours for police and security to get the store under control. I hope 40% off was worth two lives. The only place worse than Wal-Mart to be today is Mumbai, India. The events unfolding in Mumbai are completely insane. I'm staying home today!

I don't know if it's a great idea to watch THE BIGGEST LOSER on the day after ThanksG when I ate twice my body weight in pizza and chocolate last night, but I am. And, I just have to say that I have never seen a meaner, more conniving monster on THE BIGGEST LOSER in the history of the show than Vicki Vilcan. Vicki, you are pure evil. The more weight you lose the bigger a bitch you are going to become. I usually try not to actually hate people on reality TV because I know a lot of their character is edited in, but Vicki, you are straight-up evil. THE BIGGEST LOSER is usually such an inspirational show filled with beautiful moments of personal victory. But, this season is turning into an ugly knock-down drag-it-out fight to the death. Even if you lose weight and win the show, Vicki, you can't say you played with any human feeling which begs the question, Do you have any human feelings? I hope you choke on a ham sandwich.

Wait for it... Wait for it...

O M G! This is the BEST thing I have EVER seen at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade (which I was in in 2000 - got to meet the cast of PASSIONS). THIS is WAY better!

Happy Thanksgiving, America!!

Rosie O'Donnell's LIVE Variety Extravaganza (with Liza Minnelli fer f#ck's sake!)

Tonight is the night you've been waiting for! [SCROLL DOWN FOR MY REACTION TO THE SHOW]

I don't even know where to begin with what could be either the biggest train wreck or the greatest moment of entertainment this season on TV. Guests include Liza Freakin' Minnelli, Kathy Godamn Griffin, Alec Baldwin, Alanis Morrissette, Jane Krakowski, Ne-Yo, Rachael Ray (BARF!), Harry Connick Jr., and The Gaiken (on the same show as Kathy Godamn Griffin). My TiVo says the show is only 60 minutes which seems short to me, but we'll see. Does anyone know if this is a "one off" show or will Rosie be having more live extravaganzas in the future? Rosie was on Conan O'Brien recently and said that Barbara Walters HAAAATES her and apparently said so on THE VIEW recently. I'd love to see Rosie (and fellow B. Wal hatee Kathy Godamn Griffin) skewer the old bag of bones, but Rosie told Conan that even though B. Wal HAAAATES her, she has too much respect for her as a journalist to return her fire. Tune in tonight a 8PM (or at another time if you live in the middle).

So, I watched the show... Rosie looked great. Fantastic makeup. I loved the opening number with Liza Minnelli. I saw Liza on Broadway in like 2000, and it looked like she'd be in the ground by intermission. But, she's risen and fallen a few times since then and tonight she rose from the grave (right onto Rosie's stage) and sang her skinny old ass off. Though Rosie sounded awful, Liza more than made up for it. Way to start a show! Talk about variety! First, Alec Baldwin came out, looked HUGE, and kept almost motorboating Rosie's ample bosom. Conan O'Brien arrived, looked like a stick figure, got hit in the face with a pie, and then left. Some little tiny children looking people tap danced, then two really gay looking guys did some crazy dancing that was an odd mix of SO YOU THINK YOU CAN RIVERDANCE. Jane Krakowski showed up and did a saucy Carol Merrill Broadway striptease while giving away a ton of free crap to the audience. That was surreal in a way I wasn't expecting. Then a paunchy Gaiken come on in his SPAMALOT costume. His hair looked like Kathy Griffin's hair when she hasn't had her hair or makeup done. Ne Yo sang a song. It wasn't bad. He sounded good. Nancy Grace popped up on a giant screen and then Kathy Griffin came out "doing" a flawless Nancy Grace impression (which I saw her do live on Saturday). Harry Connick Jr. came out dressed as Santa (sorta) and promoted his new Christmas CD and then "sang" (though he looked like he was having a grand mal seizure when he sang). Then the show took a crazy turn into "variety" territory with an ecstacy flashback involving WAY too much motion for my old brain to process: cowboys, hula hoops, segways, and asian chicks. Lots of spinning things. After the break, Rosie did a bit where she was dressed as a cop followed by Alanis Morrisette looking like Jennifer Anniston. She sounded great, but I wanted to kill myself about 30 seconds into her touching, introspective dirge. Gawdblesser, but she's kinda like Tori Amos without any balls. Gloria Estefan came out and did a lame-ass joke then sang with Rosie. Their voices sounded better than the Liza number, though it lacked the same pizzazz. Plus, I hate Gloria Estefan almost as much as Sharon Stone. Oh shit, I'm hallucinating now. There's giant dancing food. Worse yet, Rachel Ray popped out carrying a HUGE (fake) turkey. God damn I hate that bitch, Rachel Ray. But despite RR and Glofan, I enjoyed the show and would watch it again. Did you watch it? Did you enjoy it, or do you want that hour of your life back?

Harry Potter: Is That A Broomstick Between Your Legs Or Is Your Penis Just Engorged With Blood

Barely legal Harry Potter hotty Daniel Radcliffe recently shared with the creepy James Lipton what it's like to be nude on stage in EQUUS. The scene on INSIDE THE ACTORS BOOTY-O, plays like an out-take of Bravo's revival of DEATH IN VENICE with Lipton in the Dirk Bogard role. Sounds like the stage production of EQUUS should have sprung for a fluffer. Any volunteers?

Over The Hills

I resisted for as long as I could – Patty didn’t care if I wrote about The Hills, but I did. I hate watching this show but I just can’t help myself.

I started watching the MTV “reality” show toward the end of the first season while staying at a friends house where I had no control over the remote. I was hooked. As Lauren and Jason sat staring at each other at the beach house I sat staring back at them. I’d never watched a TV show before with such little dialogue. I finished out the season and then promptly added every season of Laguna Beach and the full first season of The Hills to my NetFlix queue and my TiVO so I’d be caught up.

Now, every Monday night I tune in – cell phone in hand so I can text message my friend JP in NYC who is just as hooked as I am. Usually the texts go something like this:

MissAmy: WTF?!

JP: I KNOW!

MA: So gross. I hate him. Who ARE these people?

JP: I KNOW! WTF?!

Immediately following the show JP and I call each other. After getting busy signals and the occasional pre-ring-on-the-other-end-hang-up or the sound of dialing, we finally connect and proceed to yell at each other about how horrible the show is, why we still feel compelled to watch it, and what is wrong with “those people”.

Last night’s show was a doozy. LOTS of drama. Audrina finally lost what piece of her mind she had (oxymoron, I know) and believed a rumor she heard about Lauren hooking up with JustinBobby. AS IF. Speidi continued to argue. And JustinBobby of ALL people came out looking like a human being. Well, not physically looking like one. He actually looked like Charlotte from SATC when she dressed like a drag king for a photography exhibit and ends up making out with Baird, the photog… But I digress.

The most drama last night came during the ridiculously long and even more ridiculously often commercial breaks. Previews for the after show with the trannie and the poser nerd guy revealed that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt got married (maaaaweed?!) in Mexico over the weekend. WHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!

So gross on so many levels. So after doing my best to keep swallowing the barf that kept creeping into my mouth I called JP. I don’t even remember what she said because she’s all calm, sweet and good hearted. But we both agreed that Speidi deserve each other. We didn’t even speculate last night about the show wrapping up in a tidy end where Lauren and Heidi become friends again and Spencer finally get’s dumped and combusts into a flaming pile of shit and we can resume our normal 30something lives like regular people. No, that dream is the only thing that went up in smoke last night. Now I can’t wait to watch next week – Monday can’t come soon enough.

Live WIth Barack And Kelly

The highlight of my morning (every weekday morning) is the host chat segment of LIVE WITH REGIS & KELLY. However, this week the Reg and Kelly host chat has been pre-empted by President Elect Barack Obama on BOTH Monday and Tuesday. Now, don't get me wrong. I know the country is sliding deeper into the shitter every day and I need to know what's going on, but how am I supposed to take bad news like that without Kelly (and occasionally Regis) to cheer me up. Fortunately, you can watch the host chats online. There's probably just one more show this week. President-Elect Obama, if you're reading this, please schedule your speech tomorrow AFTER host chat! It's only 20-30 minutes. Thank you for listening.

BAAAA-KNEE

My blog buddy the super-talented and hilarious, Doodlewhore, had the usual reaction to finding out that I love Bonnie Hunt's new daytime talk show. "[He] figured it was the Ellen Show minus the donut bumping subtext." In many ways it is like Ellen's show, but back when Ellen's show didn't have the donut bumping subtext like she does now. Bonnie Hunt is more like Rosie O'Donnell in her daytime heyday (love her or hate her, Rosie won six Emmys). Bonnie's show is mostly upbeat and positive. No arguing. Not much mean humor. I have to say that it just puts me in the best mood when I watch it. Always! It worries me that I felt the same way about cutie patootie Megan Mullaly's show, and it got canceled right around now. Anyway, if you're home during the day, and you're feeling down (or just bored), check out Bonnie Hunt. One can never tell with celebrities, but whether the Bonnie Hunt on THE BONNIE HUNT SHOW is the real Bonnie Hunt or not, she definitely makes you believe that she's just bein' herself. I also feel like that puts the guests at ease and they're more likely to be fun instead of wooden and nervous. The show really showcases Bonnie's lightning quick improv timing. Her web site is full of videos (that I -sadly- can't embed), but certainly worth checking out. She's super gay-friendly too. She books a lot of queer guests. I love that she loves Shane Mercado as much as I do. Ms. Mercado will be on Bonnie Hunt's show this Wednesday. Set your DVR!

Wow, That Was a Sh!tty EIGHT Years

Since his appointment to the office of President by the Supreme Court in 2001, his colossal failures are too numerous to mention. We're over-extended in a baseless war predicated on lies for which Bush and Cheney should be tried as international war criminals. Funny thing too, where is Osama Bin Laden? The U.S. Government has condoned and used methods of torture banned by any number of treaties and basic human rights agreements. Low-level soldiers are serving prison time and paying for the orders given to them by their Commander In Chief after he threw them under the bus. McClellen, Snow, and Perino have rooms with a view waiting for them in hell. Oh, wait, I think Snow is already there. George Bush exposed CIA agent, Valerie Plame, for Dick Cheney's own personal agenda. Then covered it up, and lied about covering it up. The lies are endless. The results have been devastating. The country has run amok from the top down for too long, and there's less than 60 days left for "Fearless Leader Bush" to do his worst. I'm counting the seconds until Obama's inauguration. I hope in his first 4 years, President Obama can undo at least some of the damage done by the Bush/Cheney overthrow of the U.S. Government since 2000.

Happy Friday: Put A Ring On THIS!

Happy Friday! I hope this video will inspire you to follow your dreams, and don't let anyone tell you that you can't wear that one piece shredded unitard you borrowed from a stripper (who may or may not be your half sister)! I LOVE this guy! Where was HE when AMERICA'S GOT TALENT was taping?!

He's also aDORable on THE BONNIE HUNT SHOW (which you are INSANE if you are not watching!).

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OMG, ANTM!

On tonight's finale of AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MONSTER, Tyra "The Good Witch" Banks eliminated the last of the high-fashion models half way through the show. I was SURE Marjorie would surely win the whole show, but I was wrong about that. Who knows what Tyra's thinking. It's probably all up to that Seventeen Magazine lady and some gay dude from Cover Girl. Don't get me wrong, I love me some Whitney, but I haven't seen her in any Versace runway shows. Why don't they just call the show AMERICA'S NEXT COVER GIRL? Sam is 120% commercial/catalog model and McKey REALLY has to PUSH it to achieve haute couture. Even for ANTM the final runway was insane! Talk about a law suit waiting to happen. It's a wonder no one broke an ankle and had to be put down. The dresses were to DIE for. WAY better than anything PROJECT RUNWAY has ever sent down the runway. THEN! Tyra "The Bad Witch" Banks eliminated someone's eye with her shoulder. Also, the mother from ALIEN called and wants her hairdo back, Tyra. And, in the end, they picked the less commercial of the two finalists but all three of the finalists were too commercial for me. PROJECT RUNWAY has gone cold. ANTM has gone commercial. What's a fag to do?! Did your favorite win? Or was she eliminated weeks ago?

Jeff Leiberman, Will You Marry Me? (in MA or CT)

Ok. This will be my last post about sexy scientist, alleged Jew, hopefully gay (or curious) Jeff Lieberman. If I can control myself. As mentioned yesterday, he is the co-host of Discovery Channel's TIME WARP. They shoot all sorts of super-cool stuff with a super slo-mo camera system. The results are fascinating. Speaking of fascinating... below, you will find a video of a contraption slash musical instrument that my future husband co-created.

I mean, come on! That's NUTS! Sooo cooool! UPDATE: Mr. Lieberman is straight. So, my crush is over. But, I still LOVE his show!

My New TV Husband: Jeff Lieberman

Ladies, gentlemen, meet my new TV husband who is as hot as he is smart: Jeff Lieberman, of Discovery Channel's new show, TIME WARP. Jeff Lieberman (any chance he's a Jew? I love me some Jewish boys!) co-hosts the show but is also a scientist and artist. So, check out the show, and if you're in Boston and you bump into Jeff "Dreamboat" Lieberman (he's also in a band! HOT!), please try to convey the burning passion behind our destined bromance. And, for g-dsakes, give him my phone number! His web site URL is http://bea.st for chrissakes! How hot is THAT?!Watch a clip of TIME WARP here.

Seattle Gay Civil Rights March 6000 Protesters Strong

It was an amazing rally at Volunteer Park. King County Executive Rom Sims really rallied the crowd. He rocks! The 6000 marchers moved quickly and peacefully out of the park. Some police were there, but they mostly just looked bored. You can watch my video slide show of the start of the march here! (Comment, potatoes!)

Don't Bother Watching SNL Next Week

Cutie patootie, Justin Timberlake dropped by SNL last night to explain why he won't be hosting the show next week. Actually he explained that he wouldn't be hosting, not why. It was the funniest part of last night's show, and probably funnier than all of next week's show. Next week's show also better contain at least 67% more Kristin Wiig.

My Week In Review

This short video pretty much sums up my week so far.

That is NOT my dog Quincy after a haircut! :-)

Happy Friday

While the Gays and the mormons are going to war, the United Kingdom is NOT going to take HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL lying down! Here's a "cheerful" video from the brother and sister duo from Britain, Same Difference. Enjoy! And, don't forget to try to take away a mormon's right to marry this weekend!

We Did It!

Unless you're gay. Then you're still pretty screwed.

Get out there and VOTE!

Today's the day you've been waiting almost 2 years for. It's your chance to take part in history and have your voice be heard. You can either vote to continue the disasterous last 8 years by voting for John McCain and roll the dice that Palin could become President of THIS country. McCain/Palin would be a third term for Bush/Cheney: more wars, huge tax breaks for big business, lies, torture, stripping the Constitution, and so on and so on. You've lived it for the last 8 years, do you really want 4 more years of this shit?! Thankfully, there's another choice.
Please take the time today to vote. Even if you have to wait in line for hours, it's worth it! This is an historic election. Our country was overthrown in 2000 by a Republican appointed Supreme Court, and defrauded in 2004 by too many shady campaign pranks. This is your chance to finally put an end to this 8 year nightmare. Vote for change! Vote for Barack Obama. The future of this country depends on YOU!

Sad News, Potatoes.

Yma Sumac (1920ish - 2008)
Bursting onto the American music scene after signing with Capitol Records in 1950, the raven-haired Sumac was known as the "Nightingale of the Andes," the "Peruvian Songbird" and a "singing marvel" with a 5-octave voice. It wasn't just what she sang, but how she sang it. There truly will only ever be ONE Yma Sumac.

Wiig as Hasselcoulter

SNL was out of control hilarious this week. They FINALLY did a spoof of THE VIEW. Kenan Thompson's Whoopi Goldberg was respectful yet crazy. His grandma look is priceless! He is a genius. It's alarming that Fred Armisen does a better imitation of Joy Behar than he does of Obama. And, only Kristin Wiig could capture Hasselcoulter's desperation at trying to get actual smart people to listen to her unverified Internet facts and her daily phone call tips from Sean Hannity. Girlchild, please! Ben Affleck was in like every sketch, and even for Ben Affleck he was pretty good. Does he have a movie coming out? Does he still have a career?

The other kinda funny sketch on the show was Ben Affleck as Keith Olbermann. It was way too long, but they got a couple of Grade A zingers in at Mr. Pompous Oblemann. Here's an excerpted preview. I think you can click on the clip to see the full-length clip and all the clips from last night's show on HULU. (Yay, HULU!)

And, then there was John McCain who appeared on the show twice. I swear to g-d it almost seems as if he wants to lose this election. I refer you to HULU.com or NBC.com from the lengthy clips, but he did NOT do himself ANY favors by being on SNL last night. He even got booed at one point.