Monday, March 31, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Oh my Chikeze! Damn, I really liked me some Chikeze. He was ROBBED by Kristy Lee Cook's "patriotic" (idiotic) desperate grasp at keeping herself in the competition. He really kicked SO much ass during both Beatle weeks.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Ramielle Malubay - I still just love saying -- over and over -- "Ramielle Malubay" Rrrramielle Malubayyyy. Hmmm. Ramielle sounded OK, but those shorts were not doing her any favors.
Jason Castro - There's nothing there. He's like air (with hair).
Syesha Mercado - Born the year I graduated high school. I want to throw up! Was anyone else thinking Tamyra Gray during Syesha's performance? Daaaaaamn! The first great performance of the night!
Chikeze - If I had been there I would have thrown my underpants on stage. Chikeze is one smooooth mother- shutcho mouth! I really liked his old-school vibe on this song.
Brooke White - It was great to get to meet her family. It explains a lot about her. Brooke usually puts me to sleep, but tonight her mumblethon almost put me in a coma. Tori Amos at the piano she's not.
My coke rewards.
Michael Johns - Foxy. Foxxxy. And finally the first upbeat interesting song of the night! Rock on foxy Aussie.
Carly Smithson - Not my favorite performance of hers. Risky song choice.
David Archuletta - The Justin Guarini Super Cheesy Award of the night goes to Monchuletta for his squeaky shouty theme from Working Girl rendition of whatever the hell that song was.
Kristy Lee Cook - Seattle (area) native, KLC, played the right-wing nutjob patriotism card tonight in one last desperate gasp at staying on the show. And the judges FELL for it! Remember, if you don't vote for KLC, you are a terrorist. I'm sick to my left-wing nutjob stomach. [Prepare for BITCHCON 5 tomorrow on THE VIEW]
David Cook - Morbo will sing well and then crush you puny humans! Billy mutherflipping Jean?! This guy is on FIRE! Do the other idols not see him in rehearsal and think, "Why bother?" It was insane AND amazing, if I may correct Simon. After alllll this blah blah blogging about IDOL tonight, THIS is the performance that made most of the other performances pointless and retarded.
My top three:
1. David Cook
2. David Cook
3. David Cook
Other good performances:
6. Michael Johns
Say good bye to:
3. Brooke of the Damned
Who do you think will go home?
Transcript snippet courtesy whitless.com:
JAY: Can you give me like -- say that camera is your gay lover -- number two --
PHILLIPPE: Wait a second. Wait a second.
JAY: Can you give me your gayest look? Say that -- say that camera is Billy Bob -- Billy Bob has just ridden in shirtless from Wyoming.
PHILLIPPE: Wow. That is so something I don't want to do. Are you just going to embarrass me tonight, or --
JAY: No, I got more stuff. This is the least of it.
1. Dancing with the Stars - because, to me, it's neither dancing nor with the stars.
2. The Bachelor - is just Flavor Of Love level hootchiness with a white guy.
3. The Bad Girls Club - I already watch THE ULTIMATE FIGHTER
4. Big Brother - for some reason I'm more likely to watch this gossipy dreck in the Summer
5. That Lie Detector Show - they show the best clips on EVERY news show all day long
Monday, March 24, 2008
Oh my christ! Make it stop! Does Elizabeth Hasselbeck never watch herself on TV? Or does she just listen to the chorus of Republican sycophants who coo her praises. She is a straight-up ignorant, Crazy-Christian Republican robot, and will not listen when people try to school her. Whoopi almost let a "god damn" slip out during today's daily dust-up with Elizamonster. Did Elizabeth compare Obama to Jeffry Dahmer?!?! It's like they cut off Debbie Matenopolis' empty blonde head and after the blood ate through the earth to Hell, Elizabeth Hasselbeck was created and flown to THE VIEW by evil flying monkeys.
I think the reason my my life has stalled is because when I was a little boy I wanted to grow up and be a washed up former Broadway star vacationing on a Mexicanish cruise. I'm finding it difficult to aspire to that lately. Is there anything one can't learn from Carol Channing, Ethel Merman, Anne Miller, and Della Reese? The only thing missing is Charo.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
MTV's violent, evil, nasty, back-stabbing RW/RRC:TG3 would be the 00's version of the 50's "Quiz Show Scandal" if it had any credibility to squander. Sadly, it's yet another example of reality shows that have just gone completely off the rails lately. Though, you can see one of the reasons I like to watch the show pictured to the left: hot boys and LOTS of them.
Most reality shows are -- at the their (soulless) core -- game shows. Contestants compete for prizes or one BIG prize often over a period of multiple weeks. The construct of the game is protected and supported by its rules. Games are only fun if the rules are challenging but strictly enforced in the spirit of fairness and good sportsmanship. When the rules of a game are fluid and selectively enforced the game becomes boring and/or pointless. It's a giant, messy crap-shoot/free-for-all. And, speaking of giant, messy free-for-alls, RW/RRC:TG3 jumped the shark this season by tossing the rule book out the window and injecting even more opportunities for mayhem into its alcohol-fueled permanent spring break. In the second photo, 150 pound Zack is tied to a chair while drunken 200+ pound steroid fueled muscle hunks shave his long curly locks.
But, in this "Bushed" world where nothing is fair or truthful any more and the sneaky are rewarded, why shouldn't gameshows reflect this? Perhaps the betrayal felt by the American public in the 50's over that decade's sneaky, behind the scenes dealings will be felt by today's society when we realize that we are the ones betraying ourselves now. AMERICAN EXPERIENCE on PBS has an excellent show about the Quiz Show Scandals.
For those of you blissfully unaware of the RW/RR challenge, I'll give you a quick Wikipedia snippet, "a reality television series on MTV, that spun off from that network's two flagship reality shows, The Real World and Road Rules. The Challenge puts cast members from past seasons of the two shows against each other, usually dividing them into two separate teams according to different criteria, such as by gender, which of the two shows they first appeared on, etc. The two teams must complete challenges in order to win prizes and advance in the game. Recent seasons have taken a cue from other reality shows by adopting the system of eliminating contestants based on performance, or having a team vote a member into an elimination round, in which they must compete against a member from the other team to determine which one goes home."
Last season, perenial loose-cannon mega-hottie, CT, went home on the very first show after sucker punching gay teammate, Davis, in the face and bloodying his nose for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Apparently, he just wanted to punch someone in the face. The photo to the right is from RW/RRC:TG3 and shows one of the many times CT got drunk and preternaturally obnoxious this season. It's fascinating to watch someone barely evolved beyond an ape wrestle with the overwhelming urge to hit someone at the risk of potentially losing $50,000. He want sto hit the guy sooooo bad, but the dollar signs in his eyes just won't let the punch fly.
Every season they change the rules to try to stay one step ahead of the crafty "veteran players" who seem to be on this show as their sole career. Many of them sob as they head to the airport to head home early, "I don't know what I'm going to do for money now!" Um, maybe a job? I should talk!
This season's weirdest situation was that it was often beneficial to "throw" challenges to "sculpt" the team and trim the fat making for more boring TV while teams sloppily threw challenges to vote out their weak team mates. Once at the "gauntlet" elimination round, the wheel they spun to determine which game would be played repeatedly (I mean, like every week) landed on "Ball Brawl" a knock-down, bruise-fest which is all physical strength and provided for some spectacular face plants and take-downs. The other game that the wheel chose over and over and over and over was "Sliders," a mostly-mental puzzle game which could be manipulated by getting someone good at the puzzle game to help you from the sidelines. Often players would get help from a team mate on the opposing team as an f-you to their team or to help a showmance along.
The final crowning "glory" of disgusting poor taste was the season finale "storyline" of Erik -- Big Easy. Erik weighs at least 320 pounds and did nothing but eat and drink and lay around all season. He's SO much bigger than ANY of the other guys that he'd be assured of a victory in the gauntlet thus securing his space through fear of sending a strong teammate home. The Veterans team was doomed to lose as soon as Erik signed up for the show. The final challenge, a grueling footrace through obstacles almost killed Erik. For days he boasted, "I won't quit." And, "Medics will have to drag me off this course." Well, Jesus Christ! Erik practically sank to the bottom of the ocean during the first leg of the race, a swim to shore. Once he FINALLY made it to shore, the whole team was chained together and had to run for like 3 miles. About 1/2 a mile in, Erik is NOT looking good. He's staggering and sweating like Li'l Kim in church! Soon they are dragging him along as he stumbles, pale as a ghost, his legs giving out. Soon he's lying on the ground having minor convulsions, and his team mates are crying and shrieking, "That fat f*ck just cost us $300,000!"
The "rules" clearly state that the whole team must cross the finish line. But, as Erik's condition worsens, the medics are called in and he's is taken away on a stretcher. The team -- now 300 pounds lighter -- sprints to the finish through a few more really exhausting challenges pulling ahead o the other team who has been lollygagging around like they're at a Sunday picnic not racing for $50,000 each. Erik's team wins, only to be told that since they didn't drag Erik's prone, convulsing body to the finish line, they lose.
It sends a very disturbing message that after weeks of scheming and deceit, destroyed friendships, bruises, and liver damage it all comes down to an odd technicality in the final few minutes of a 20+ hour show. Erik is
in many ways, this decade's Charles Van Doren, a sleeper-cell agent sent in by the producers to torpedo the game in the final minutes.
Friday, March 21, 2008
This clip is "SO" typical of the disdain that Bush and Cheney have for the American people. They are driving the country off a cliff. History will trace the beginning of the end of human civilization to Bush & Cheney.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Though with only a dozen or so fans turning up at Safeway, I wonder how much longer before I will be able to rent Chris Richardson as a chair?
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Amanda Overmyer - What is the DEAL with this chick? She is about as soft and subtle as an axe to the forehead. I'm afraid she's a bit much for me. I totally agree with what Simon said, "boring."
Kristy Lee Cook - Get ready for the bottom two again. What the hell was that?! It wasn't country. It wasn't pop. It wasn't exactly a ballad. When Paula says, "You look great tonight!" you know you are in trouble. I know what she meant, but did she really say to Simon, "I can blow you out of your socks and you know it"?
David Archuleta - I agree with my friend, JR, who thinks Archuleta looks like a Monchichi. He really sang the sh*t out of that song! He has such an amazing voice. Hopefully he can overcome the utter insanity of being an American idol contestant to stay in the competition.
Darn, why didn't I fast forward through Ryan Seacrest's live, cheesy iPhone commercial?
Michael Johns - Parts of his performance were great, but other parts were kinda weird. It was very Constantine Maroulis. Like, he went from Vegas to Broadway to a dark smokey bar all in one section of the song. I agree with what Simon said about that song being un-edit-able. It's tough to "rush" the song like Johns did. He's still hot, though. And hopefully that will keep him around for another week.
Brooke White - Zzzzzz. She kinda danced like a scarecrow too, which was unsettling.
David Cook - He looks 32 to me. Do they have paperwork to prove he's 25? Regardless, he rocks hard! He's this season's Blake Lewis. Thank goodness someone is taking a risk and actually trying to entertain me rather than just get through to next week. He rocked the crap out of that song! He's my favorite.
Carly Smithson - Daaaaamn! What an amazing voice. Truly one of those voices that just grabs me and won't let go.
Jason Castro - I don't get the dreads. He comes across as a Grade A Cheeseball like Justin Guarini, but he looks like a member of Rage Against the Machine from the neck up. He dresses like a science dweeb who has a hip older sister. He can barely speak, and he really shouldn't.
Syesha Mercado - I think she fell into the trap of doing a boring song boringly. She sounded beautiful, but I was asleep halfway through the song.
Chikezie - I was with him up until the harmonica, but then kinda brought it back. He has such a beautiful voice. The beginning sounded just lovely. Then he just kinda kept winding it it up and up and up. and, it worked! He's another contestant who is taking risks and trying to entertain me. I applaud that!
Ramiele Malubay - Could she be any cuter?! Sadly, though I love her, I hated that song! It was kinda country and kinda Vegasy and not in a good way. This could be the end of the road for my Malubay.
My top three
1. Carly Smithson
2. David Cook
3. David Archuleta
My bottom three
1. Amanda Overmyer
2. Kristy Lee Cook
3. Jason Castro
I think the bottom three will be Kristy Lee, Syesha, and Ramiele.
Who did you vote for?
I've waited many, many years. I've worn laser grooves into my copy of their first CD. I've been damaged by the wait. But, the wait is over, and DANITY KANE is back, baby! Their sophomore CD "Welcome to the Dollhouse" drops today, and I couldn't be happier if I was actually their 13 year old urban girl demographic!
I've -- of course -- been watching MAKING THE BAND 4 religiously. I wish every band I like had a reality show. I'd love to know what Mika does when he gets up in the morning and if the Pet Shop Boys sleep in bunk beds. Anyway, despite almost constant tussling with the Diddy-machine, the girls came out looking fine and smelling sweet. Despite seeing them record song after song, they did a good job of keeping much of the album out of the show. I have no idea how much I'll love it, I just know I will. The MAKING THE BAND 4 season finale is this Sunday on MTV at 8PM. Enjoy the fierce video for their first single below. I'm totally with them until they start performing surgery, and then I question their commitment to my suspension of disbelief.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Not to mention the fact that she opened the show as Silva Spitzer and said everything that needed to be said without saying a word. I thought they should have zoomed in on just her while "Spitzer" was saying "Live from New York..." More Wiig! More Wiiiiig!
Host Jonah Hill wasn't exactly comfortable with live TV, but he KILLED in the digital short with Andy Samberg, which you have to see to believe.
Don't get me wrong, I love Mariah Carey. I have just about every one of her albums, and I actually paid for most of them. But, I do not love her vagina, and I wish she'd stop trying to cram it down my throat --so to speak. Her skirt in the first number on SNL last night was so short I could see her bridge work. And, the low camera angle didn't help. THEN, in the second number, she was wearing jeans from the Dina Martina collection. You could have swiped an Amex card through her camel toe and gotten money out of her! Apparently, Mariah's back, baby. And, her vagina's not taking any prisoners!
And, to NBC: SNL is on the border of ending up on the TiVo Sh*t List because it ends a 1:08 AM, which means us poor old one-tuner TiVo types have to choose between SNL and Comedy Central's SECRET STASH. No fair! SNL is 70% filler and commercials anyway, so why not end at 1:05 (or 1:04) and let us have our censored and uncensored comedy on Saturday night?
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Well she was just seventeenIt just rang SO false to me. Of all the beautiful Lennon/McCartney songs to choose from, the gay stripper chooses, "I Saw Her Standing There"?! I mean, really?! The more I thought about it, the more I thought he would be the one to go. That's easy to blog after the results show, but there is precedent. Mandisa was a powerhouse on IDOL, but as soon as she went "gospel" I tuned her out as did MANY voting gays, and she was gone the next week. According to popsurfing.com when she intro-ed her song Mandisa said, "This song goes out to everyone who wants to be free! Your addiction, your lifestyle, your situation may be big. But God is bigger." Lifestyle can't mean anything but "gay lifestyle." She would have been smarter to keep her anti-gay prejudice to herself until AFTER winning the competition. Gays don't need to break free, Mandisa. Poor David Hernandez is relegated to the lower ranks of formerly sexy idols touring county fairs, and making appearances at my local Safeway in the ass-pit of Seattle. You just can't sell out your sisters and expect us to vote for you, bro.
You know what I mean
And the way she looked
Was way beyond compare
So how could I dance with another,
Oh, when I saw her standing there
Well she looked at me
and I, I could see
That before too long
I'd fall in love with her
She wouldn't dance with another
Oh, when I saw her standing there
Well my heart went boom
When I crossed that room
And I held her hand in mine
Oh we danced through the night
And we held each other tight
And before too long
I fell in love with her
Now I'll never dance with another
Oh, when I saw her standing there